Cake For Breakfast Anyone?

120 crunches.
close to a slice of chocolate cake.
close to a slice of cheese cake.
4 teaspoons full of potato salad.
5 mini doughnuts.
3 cream and jam rolls.
2 shortbread biscuits.
2 laxatives.

My breakfast.
After that I became determined to become a proper Breatharian. I spent the rest of my morning reading through the research I printed yesterday. I seem to connect well with religious and spiritual reasons for fasting. It's weird.
Although Breatharians don't consume anything (even liquids or water) I'm going to allow myself water. And alcohol at parties. *laugh* I may go out on the treadmil if Manny doesn't give me a text... We're supposed to go see The Hangover Part 2 today but he didn't text or show up yesterday, he might just forget again. -.-'
I need a fag.

I tried on some of my dresses that are in my cupboard last night...
Disaster.
One I could easily pull on. A bit tight around the boobs but most of my dresses are. Dress number 2, couldn't zip up what so ever. Number 3 I had to hook the top bit first before having to turn it around and zip it up. Didn't completely zip up. Number 4 and 5, the seems cracked a bit as I pulled them over my boobs. Wasn't really expecting that.
I may go downstairs and do some cleaning with my extra ankle weights and my electric muscle contractor thing on my waist. I'm keeping focus on my waist as it's, well, massive. Last time I measured it, it was 34 inches. Not. Fucking. Good.

I miss being 147lbs. Gaining this weight has made me realise how slim I looked at 147 even though I thought I was big and saw no difference. I now see it. And wish I had it back.
FML!

Well I'm off to see what I can do down stairs. Then I'll clean my room.

Tarrahh
I love you all :)
Viele Liebe Kodiee
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Confession Before A Final Perminent Turn, Hopefully For The Better...

Hey All.
Okay, the main reason I haven't been posting is that, well, I'm having a pretty shitty time in the life of Kodi.
.
Gained like a mother bitch.
155lbs.
Yes. Over 11 stone. I feel absolutely disgusting. Fatty McFatterson.
.
Yesterday I had the worst knock to my confidence I could ever imagine. Me and my mum went to look at this Prom dress shop she saw in BH. I picked 3 dresses to try on (around about size 10, I knew they wouldn't fit because I can never fit into a size 10 dress around my huge tits)...
After finding out, yep, they didn't fit, The shop assistant asked my mum if I was a size 14. A size 14. I could have cried right there in that shop. I refused to cry there though. I held it in. All the way home, even when I was getting dressed into gym gear, even most of the time I was pushing myself (harder than normal) on the treadmill... then the smallest thing pissed me off, sending me over the edge. I burst into tears on the floor next to the treadmill whist it was still going. I think I cried for a good half an hour at least. I did 0.9 miles. I got back on after my cry. I couldn't handle doing anymore so went back inside the house... where I stuffed my face with mostly bread and butter.
At this current moment in time I cannot control my binges. Although, thanks to my Green Tea habit, it doesn't seem to stay in my stomach for long.
I've been trying to get the least bit on track but It all goes arses up as soon as I get home from school. The Porridge calls to me...
.
Tomorrow I am finally starting the Ballerina diet. Minus most of the exercise.
I shall have half a grape fruit for breakfast, and apple at school, a low fat yogurt after school and a large cup of home made soup for dinner. I have to do this. I have to loose this weight for prom. Just in general I need to loose this weight before I decide I'm not gonna try anymore and do something stupid. I'm going to aim for 2 miles on P.E days, 0.5 miles on non-P.E days and as long as possible on weekends.
.
I hate being this way. I hate feeling the fat wobble as I walk.
I hate everything about me right now.
I could barley face you guys. I'm honestly scared that once you read this you'll leave me because I'm such an embarrassment to have displayed on your 'Blogs I''m Following' list.
.
I hope I can do this. Otherwise I'm going to prom in a suit.
.
Hopefully I'll post again this weekend.
I'm at my mum's boyfriend's house then because I'm going shopping on Saturday. More books you see. I've been reading a lot. I think I've done through about 3 books in a months or so? So I'm getting myself some more. And I'm looking into ordering diet pills online.
.
I wont be catching up on blogs until half term. Its easier that way because I never have free weekends anymore.
.
I love you all.
Please don't leave me? :(
x

I Think I Need To Grow Up A Little, Before I Get Involved..

School sucks. I suck. Food sucks. Starving sucks. Everything SUCKS!
.
I watched 'Black Swan' on Friday with my mum. Awkward turtle. Lesbian action, masturbation, bulimia, OCD, schizophrenia and drug abuse. Not something I'd purposely watch with my mother.
It was brilliant though.
Uber thinspiring. I googled Natalie Portman's diet to get into that sort of shape. I'm going to do that. Edited slightly. But I cant start today. None of the food on my list are in the fridge so I'm starting tomorrow. And I've been using the running machine! YES WE HAVE A RUNNING MACHINE AHH!! Honestly I've found that reading whilst walking at a reasonably fast by steady speed I can do 2 miles in 30-40 minutes. SCOREE!
.
Last week was a disaster weight wise. I'd been doing a lot of walking on the treadmill but GAINING. Which I totally didn't understand. Highest I got was nearly 153lbs. I was ready to kill myself. Now I've found I'm in the usual 147/148lbs range which has pleased me. So Starting tomorrow I'm doing the Ballerina Diet, plus weekdays, 1 mile walking and some dancing practice or general dancyness, Weekends 2 miles a day, at least and hour dance and some aerobics. Hopefully by next Monday I'll be ready to pass out.
.
I've also sorted the Skei situation once and for all. We talked at break (after my monster talk with Li about this during Maths) and we've decided its not fair on either of us that being together is so hard. We're giving it one more go for year 11 and have decided that some point in Summer, we're going to break up. Grow up a little. Five years approximately. Experiment some more, learn, live. All that milark. And we're going to stay friends over those years, then maybe we'll give us another go depending on where we both are in our lives and what we then want. So fro now, we're together. I'm happy about it. Because to be honest, I'm not sire if I want to break up with him properly now, but I'm not sure either of us are mature enough to handle this relationship yet. So all is good in that area.
.
Unfortunately. Ted has cancelled his party. His arsehole mate has forgotten the code to get into the apartment they were gonna use. Cuuuuunt.
Oh well, I'll just use this weekend for something else?
.
I bought high waisted shorts the other day. Size 8, fit my arse fine, my stomach is too massivo to do them up though. So there's my motivation.
.
There's my life updated. Haha. Like you really care ;)
I''m off to go be bored.
.
I'm obsessed with Dave The Laugh from Louise Rennison's books. He's so marvy and lush!
And a Laugh.
It is my mission in life to find him.
The real life version, not the actor in the shite film.
.
'weeks since I've seen her eat' - Too Sorry For Apologies - Breathe Again
.
Oh before I go. I keep having weird dreams abou Whitt... >.<>

Let Me Dissapear In A Puff Of Smoke, Let Me Die Of Fattness

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY BODY!
.
I lost weight after Christmas.
Then I gain 2lbs OVER NIGHT!
Thats it. I'm fasting and exercising to within an inch of my life!!
.
Weight: 146.8 (when I first weighed myself it said '146.6' so I got fatter in about 5 minutes.)
Waist(at belly button): 35
Waist(smallest part): 31
HipBones: 37
Hips/Arse: 37.75
ForeArm: 8
UpperArm: 10.5
Elbow: 9.5
Wrist: 6
Thigh: 19 (MY LEGS GOT FATTER!!)
Knee: 13.5
Calf: 13.5
Ankle: 9
.
FML.
I'm off to exercise.
And not eat.
I'm never eating again.

If I Curl Up Small Enough, They'll Never Remember I'm Here..

What a drastic change from nearly loving Christmas.
.
I hate Christmas with a passion. I am so glad this is my last Christmas with my family. I hate it.
.
Christmas is a pointless holiday. Its where you open shitty presents from people you barley know, eat until you cant move, gain like a bitch and get drunk enough to fall off the sofa.
.
This year, I've ended up sitting by my bed, posting angrily, with some form of Dance music blaring from my new Ipod doc. So many things haven't gone right today. And before you ask. Yes. I am going to tell you.
.
Shit #1. My mum bought the wrong £50 high tops. I mean that doesn't annoy me, if anything I feel sorry because my mum spent loads on shoes I dont even want.
Shit #2. On MY home made place mat, someone had spilt curry on it. For fucks sake! It was only mine! No one gives a shit, obviously!
Shit #3. I scoffed so many waffle-ish biscuits and Belgian chocolates that I'm seriously considering taking MORE laxatives.
Shit #4. I've been to the bath room about 20 times today thanks to my laxative abuse last night.
Shit #5. My Grandfather is an arse hole. All he does is moan, hold everything up and then tell everyone how to play Poker WRONG!
Shit #6. I've had more alcohol than I originally had planned. Only a glass or two more, but I am SO gonna work hard to get this FAT OFF ME!
Shit #7. I'm fat.
Shit #8. I punched a wall. Twice.
Shit #9. I want to die. Just because Christmas is so utterly pointless and supposed to be full of jolly people, but mine always contains my utterly cunt-ish family.
Shit #10. I havent heard from Skei in about 3 days. To be fair, it is Christmas and he is at his Mum's house. But Still, its Skei. He always finds a reason to talk to me.
.
Now. I'm going to get changed into my PJs again.
Find some water.
And take about 4 laxatives.
And Dance. Until I cant feel my legs.
.
'ice cream ice cream we all want ice cream!!' - Pink - Cuz I Can

I Feel My Grip On Sanity Loosening... Depression Ready To Suck Out My Soal...

I had a thought.
I may be 2 lbs lighter than 150 because its period timeee... I'll have to see.
.
I'm not looking forward to this week ending. I still havent even made an attempt at my work, and its pretty crucial to have done. I'm also just scared that I'm not going to even be 145lbs by New Year.
.
I want to loose 10lbs. I have decided I'm not going to eat until then. Determined.
Today I hade 2 egg sandwiches and two small chocolates. Tomorrow. Nothing. It's easy to avoid food with the huge ammount of rehursals I'm doing at the moment. It helps that it envolves alot of standing and moving, and use of my diaphram because of singing. I dance alot back stage out of boredom. Hopefully I'll be burning plenty of calories if I eat NOTHING.
.
I've decided, if I'm not at 10 and a half stone before Christmas, I'm going to get Skei to buy me diet pills because I get so ancy when I even think about buying them. I may feel like a bit of a failure useing them but I'd feel worse if I was 11 stone again. I cant be that. 150lbs is bad enough. I need to get more sleep as well, but I'm just not programmed that way.
.
I want to look amazing at new year in my slightly sailor-ish navy blur satin dress that DOESN'T streach. High heels, skin colour tights, dress hem at just below mid-thigh. I want to be gorgeous, and start my new year on an UP rather than a DOWN.
I want every boy I pass to turn and think, 'wow, she's gorgeous' or 'hey, that guys lucky'... I want to feel wanted. I want guys to want me. I want to be the thinnest girl at that New Years Party. I want to be the hottest. I want to be Beautiful.
I want my ribs and hip bones slightly on display, I want my arms to be beautifully thin for my short sleeved dress, I want my bum to be tiny, my waist to be slim. I want to be able to sit on Skei with out breaking him. I want to show everyone in Pikey Hill (my school) that I've changed more than they would be able to believe. That they now see me as gorgeous, sexy, tiny.
.
I want to hear compliments.
You're so thin.
You look beautiful in that dress.
You've lost weight.
I want to over hear people's conversations about me.
She's hot. I hate her, she's so thin. How'd she get so thin? She looks so pretty. Her smile is so bright. She has a beautiful face, and gorgeous figure.
.
I want to be able to wear anything! Everything will make me look thin, hang off me. I want my size 10's to be falling off of me, my size 8's loose, my currently non-existant size 6's have a little extra space. I. Want. To. Be. Size. 6. Or. Less. I wont stop until I'm at least a six. I know I cant be happy any other way. Even counsilling cant help me. Only with my parental issues. Not ever with my body. It will never work. Even though I said I wanted to start working on it. Feh. I'll change my mind. I'll work on bottled up emotions some more, fuck knows I have plenty of them.
.
I need to stock up on things again...
-Gum
-Nuts/seeds
-Energy drinks (diet of course)
-mixed fruit juices
-Diet pills
-Fags.
.
I'm going to have to find soem time for having a few fags in the next few weeks. I've been tempted. But I find it pathetic to smoke at school. And I'm not addicted, so it's fine.
.
Sudden apiphany. Christmas is a great time to fatten people up. I need to hand out more chocolate to the skinny bitches I know. (Lyd - the main part in the show - being one of them) I'm such a cow. Most people who're on 'diets' give in easily if they're in Secondary/High school, and she's a frequent dieter. >:] In coming chocolate!!! XD HAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAA!!!
.
I'm an utter Evil Bitch. :)
.
'I just wanna fall and loose myself.' - Avril Lavigne - Runaway
x

Make A Wish...

OMG.
Finally. I'm back.
I do really apologise for taking so long, my Internet has been crazy, let me go on anything else... just not blogger. Wtf.
I'm only back coz I feel so guilty for being away so long... I hope you still love me! Just as a brief update.
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I got Skei back. Everything he did and said to me was a complete mind fuck, which pisses me off.
I kept gaining weight. The highest being 11 stone/154 lbs. I almost died seeing that on the scale. I'm not sure what I was at last weekend.. but now I'm 10 stone 7.5 lbs. Back to my average weight.
I haven't eaten in two days. This has seriously shocked me. I'm not feeling too good right now, I think its because this is fast day three. I've got the day off because of snow so I'm going to take it easy and drink lots of water and green tea.
I came up with a new diet plan. So much fucking more interesting to me! It's based around the Naruto characters! Just ask if you want to know more, I'll create a post with the ones I've come up with.
A couple of weekends ago I was complimented on my legs by a ballet dancer. Yes. A BALLET DANCER. I felt so good!
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Capelin used to fancy me, no so sure about now.
I've been getting into arguments with the Hairy Monster, a girl at my school. She's such a douche.
.
Right now I think I'm going to be sick... I'll wait it out. If it gets worse, I'll eat an apple.
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I have a new alternate personality. His names Zakk. He's gay. Just thought I'd throw that in there! XD
.
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Oh and if you're wondering about the title of this post. Me and my friend Tiger make a wish at the beginning of each month and see if it comes true with in the month. My wish is to get to 10 stone/140lbs by Christmas and New year.
I already have New Years Resolutions.
Tell me yours if you have any! XD
.
Okay, I think I'm done.
Fucking tired. I'm going to return downstairs and hang about with my Gran.
I lobe my Gran :3
I lobe you guys too!
x
.
P.S. WhoopWhoop to officially being a size 8 UK (4US) with bit tits! XD

Taking A Break For Myself.

I officially have nothing left to lose.
Me and Skei are officially broken up. Yeah I know.
.
I've accepted it, its just going to be difficult to live knowing he no longer loves me, and its all my fault.
I also feel like a failure right now, I'm still in the 140's and I cant stand it.
.
I'm going to take a break from posting for a while, to get myself together, lose until I get into the 130's, then I'll be back.
Currently fasting my imperfections away. It does help being completely numb and somehow heartbroken, fasting is giving me something else to focus on.
.
Maybe I'll get myself a re-bound.
Maybe I'll get into a new relationship.
Maybe I'll turn to drink and drugs to help ease my pain.
Fuck knows.
I'm just going to see where the world takes me.
.
I'll be back.
Wish me luck once again, on my little journey to find myself.
x

Laxative, Anyone?

Right.
Yes, I have laxatives. My mum knows.
Yes, my mum knows!
Coz I was having so much discomfort from not being able to go...
Seriously, it feels so good! I feel... I dunno, like I'm cleansing my body!
Obviously not, but hey, whatever.
.
the picture (just thought I'd tell you) reminds me of my Anorexic friend... not the style or face, just how fragile her body looks.
I wanna look like that, DAMN IT.
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I think I'm still at 147/146
Hopefully... I'll lose some this weekend? Next week?
Omg. Speaking of...
I'm 16 in les than 2 weeks.
Fuuuuuuuuuckk
.
I'm about to eat Celery and low fat humous!! Woo!
It's actually quite nice, so was the low fat potatoe salad :)
but I ate that yesterday.
Need to get more, really...
.
Theres a bonfire in a near by town tomorrow.
I was going to drink, but now decided just to keep Manny out of trouble...
Seeing as last year he doesn't remember a thing. And he did some baad stuff...
Well. Kinda.
So it'll be a night of running around, watching fireworks and a big bonfire... Not eating... Hopefully.
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Achh lifes so difficult, ain't it?
.
Urgh.
Ate too much -.-
Damn cereal.
x

Gahh :/

Ah, Man Guys!
I'm sorry I haven't posted in like a week?! I've been swamped with Course Work and Exercising with my Gran XD
(Lotsa areobics TV and Stupid questions to answer)
.
Right. I was stupid at one point and gained back up to 149. I lost 2 or 3 again, so I'm around 147/146 again. (woop?) And I'm doing well, I do go over my calorie limit but I guess I burn it off and for dinner recently, I've stuck to home made veggie soup (which I dont count as calories coz I'm on the SGD and its a liquid) I've gone off my morning coffee for some reason... but hey, a couple less calories.
.
Oh aaaaand I've been feeling FAINT-ISH AGAIN! YEY!
I loooove that feeling, I've missed it soo much!
AND I lost half an inch off my thighs! :o like wow, and my calfs look thinner but they're still 14 inches but hey.
Oh and after the HUGE ammount of exercise I did this week, my arms KILL. So hopefully I'll have sexy skinny arms :3
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I'm going on a school trip in December! I'm going to GERMANY!! :D I've never been to Germany before! :D Its only for 2 days for the Christmas market in Colone (cant spell for shit :3) But should be amazing, I'm hopefully gonna share a room with Anneli, and Manny and Skei will hopefully be able to go so WOOP! Although... Kitty will be going -.- (Thank God the HM wont be going! I dont think...)
So I'll talk about that a bit, and hopefully beable to blog on my phone... Keep you updated. And we only get breakfast on the second day but dont get dinner or lunch either day so I'll be skipping out. I'll take a bag of apples over for my snacks XD
.
I had the urge to try and purge (pardon the rhyme) today. Just coz I was in a horrible mood coz my form tutor (lets call him Mr. Nazi...) told me to stop singing. But I went to the bathroom, but people were in there, so I waited a bit until they left, one didn't and turned out someone was crying, so I gave up on that thought and scoffed some chocolates and cereal when I got home. I haven't done any exercise except my P.E lesson and should currently be doing Diploma work -.- fuck that I'll do it later.
.
Oh and its reached the time of COLLEGE x.x I'm sooo fucked. I now have no idea where I wont to go :/ I'm just gonna apply to loads and decide out of the ones that accept me. Ahhhh :/
Oh well... I'll go to loads of open days too XD haha just turn up and look at loads of places then decide on one. They all seem good, I guess I'll have to come up with a nickname for the one I finally decide on.. XD Rambling, sorry.
.
Over all I've been very busy and you're lucky I've posted today XD
I'm still fat. But I WILL BE FUCKING SKINNY GOD DAMMIT!!!
I'm starting to hate coming up with lists...
some changes you've noticed physically (yes ED related today)
1I have a waist now
2Tiny wrists
3Quite skinny shoulders and arms (still flabby though)
4more abdominem muscle
5my face has thinned out
6when I lay down I can feel my ribs and hips
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oh one last thing, I'm re-reading LoveSick. I'm in need of triggering/thinsperation... whichever :/
.
Cheerio (not the food you numpty!)
x

Whoopeyy!!

Hey. Guess What?
I have awesome news!
But I'll get to that!
.
It was awesome reading (3) people's stories and dislikes about school XD It's a great topic to bitch about!
I'm sorry I cant remember names atm (Shame on me) but whoever said about her shoes getting nicked.
THAT HAPPENED TO ME TOO!!
Out of the girls changing rooms and I had to wear my P.E. trainers until my mum bought a new pair!
.
Oh and, seeing as my skirt caused such a ruckus, I'm going to wear it again tomorrow. My old head of year actually said 'Well, thats better!' when she saw me in my trousers (skinny legged ones btw)... I hate her. I went on and explained everything (height, length, right place, other girls are shorter.. etc.) then she said something like 'I dunno what it was, something just wasn't right, maybe its because you weren't wearing tights.'
What the fuck??
I told her my tights had a hole in which I asked my mum to fix so I didn't have any. Which is the truth, but I wanted to wear my long socks anyway.
And I'm going to tomorrow :) She can kiss my arse. I'm going to dye my hair BRIGHT FUCKING PURPLE some point this year and there's nothing she can do about it!
tbh they can't. They can tell you you shouldn't dye your hair unnatural colours and tell you off, but what else are they gonna do? Come to your house, shove your head under the shower and apply hair dye??
Oh dear XD
.
Oh but anyway. To my awesome news...
I'VE LOST 2.5 LBS!!!!!!!!
LYKE OH EMM GEEE!!!!!!
Seriously though, Corr! I found that out coz my mum finally got a battery for our scales and it works again. I lost weight and had 3 pieces of chocolate cake (2 of which I stuffed when I got home... tut tut) and that was after a whole day of eating a little and drinking.
I'm gonna weigh myself tomorrow just to make sure!
But I think I'm going to stick to 'Measure every few days' for weight coz When you dont know... You want to make a difference! Well for me anyway... And I think I'm going to measure with the tape every month, or 4 weeks, whatever. Because this seems to be working! I use more energy at school, I do minimum of 90 minutes of activity per week, with my SGD I have an exercise to do everyday which will help, and the calories are very low making my total calories burned around 2000 or more!
WHOOPEYYYYYY!!!
Now I'm off to update my goals and check my BMI!!!
Then Maybe get a mug of warm milk ^-^
.
Damn... Favourite books
1 LoveSick (Sweet true story with a Bulimic girl in it)
2 Generation Dead (Glamorising Zombies for once! It's really good)
3 Ways To Live Forever (About a young boy in England I think, with Leukemia, uber saaad :( )
.
I reccomend those :)
Laaaaaaave...
Soon To Be Skinny Angel!
;)
x

Right, Lets Get Down To Bussiness (Again..)

Right, I calculated that if I have a calorie deficite of 1000 per day, I'll get to my UGW of 112lbs in about 4 months and 2 weeks.
.
Sounds easy.
.
But of course it fuckin' aint!
.
.
My stomanch hates me coz the lack of fruit I've been eating So I'm having THOSE issues.
Dont make me spell it out :(
La Toilette -.-'
But I haven't been binging which I think is good. I've been drinking alot of coffee, and changed my milk to skimmed in stead of semi-skimmed. If i drink semi-skimmed, I can now actually TASTE the extra fat in it!! I never thought I'd say something like that!! It's like once I started drink diet coke, I cant stand actual coke. And after eating special K I'd rather eat that than coco pops.. And at one point, I'd rather eat an apple than a piece of chocolate. I need to get back into that.
.
And this is gonna sound really bad, but... I'm kinda gonna fatten the girls up at school...
I know. Thats real bad.
But I cant help it.
As long as the packet of crisps or piece of chocolate isn't in my hands, then I don't care.
I want to be a hot girl!!
(Hense the reason that on my first day back I'm gonna wear a skirt with long black socks...)
.
And I'll be doing the usual take fatty shit and something healthy to school then throw the fatty shit at whoever walks past.
Okay not WHOEVER walks past but whoever wants it.
And I'll have an apple.
Or I might throw that away too...
.
either way, I'm gonna write down MY SGD today which is gonna be in action on Monday onwards.
Oh yah, and I'll be forced to do 90 minutes of activity a week, maybe more. PLus the extra walking.
.
1- 200 + 10 push ups
2- 150 +10 crunches
3- 200 + 1 lap of fields
4- 250 + 3000-4000 steps
5- 225 + 5 laps of stairs
6- 325 + heavy clothes
7- 325 + heavy clothes
8- 200 + 20 leg lifts
9- 150 + 50 crunches
10- 200 + 20 reverse crunches
11- 250 + lap of fields
12- 225 + 2 laps of fields
13- 325 + 5000 steps
14- 350 + 10 push ups
15- 200 + ballet
16- 150 + streaches
17- 225 + ballet
18- 250 + ballet
19- 225 + jog lap of fields
20- 325 + 20 crunches and pushups
21- 350 + streaches
22- 200 + 50 toe touches
23- FAST + streaches
.
I've noticed that most of the Tuesdays have around 150 calories on and I have P.E on Tuesdays. OH WELL!!
Get me used to nearly passing out again!
:/ I kinda miss that feeling. I sometimes get it even though I've eaten.
.
Okay I've rambled enough I think?
gimme some of your appearance goals
-a 2 inch gap between my thighs
-Ribs and hipbones on display
-a 24 or less inch waist
-size UK 6/US 2
.
Thats about it.
I love you all :)
<3

Good Girl? Okay?

I'm in a lesbian mood today... I think its because of my period? Do you guys get that? Or am I just extremely weird? XD
.
Yet another body I am jealous of!
Although my best thinsperation is at school. Some girls are just grotesque (ehem.. Kitty) And I feel normal sized (or at least in proportion compared to them) and some random compliments occasionally XD
Like 'You have really nice legs!'
Tbh.. isn't that a weird thing to say? 'I want your legs!'
Okayy... well I'm not giving them to you?! o.O
HAHA! Even worse one I get, 'I want your boobs!'
Err, sure you do?! x.x
.
Oh yes, I'm a good girl. I've actually STARTED doing the coursework I was given before summer XD
Done one piece, started reading 'Lord of the Flies'. Apparently its a gruesome book (Says my Gran XD) about kids turning cannibal... well lets hope it puts me off my lunch!! :D
.
But I haven't made corrections for my Citizenship. I might just ask Carpet (my Mum's boyfriend XD) to do it as he's the one basically writing it for me haha!
.
OMG.
I'm nearly 16... o.O
Feels so weird! Unfortunately I cant drive... but I can FUCK! XD Paha! And I'm applying for some type of ID so I can go to concerts with out needing to take my facking(that mistake is on purpose ;]) passport with me! WOO! And I signed up for a Tesco clubcard... I'm so cool! XD I've got all sorts of soppy cards for saving money at places now! All in preparation for living with my Dad for two-three years! o.o I have so much I need to move out though! But I'm gonna be nice and let my mum keep some DVDs I have XD lovely ain't I? Oh and I'm gonna let her take a picture of me on the morning of my first day starting year 11(My final year!!)... Coz her and my Gran always complain they don't have any pictures of me at my age. Well duh!
I'm a teenager, we stay away from family camera flashes!
Ha, teenagers are like Vampires or Owls.
Owls.
We sleep all day coz we were up all night on the computer or (the ones who have a social life) partying.
I'm the computer one. Obvs. -.-'
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My back huuurts :( GAY PERIOD.
Oh... Irony.
If you don't get it then look what I said at the beginning of this post!!
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Faack I rambled alot today!!
OHOHOH
List for today.
3 random facts about yourself!
1- I read all of my blog posts at least twice. Once before I post and once after.
2- I have an Anorexic friend I intend on fattening up when school starts coz she's been in hospital too many times. Makes me sad. I promise its a good thing XD
3- I never had any imaginary friends as a kid. My toys were my friends. TT_TT
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Okay there's mine!
I hope you don't leave me coz of how weird they are XD
I lave you!
Oh btw...
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You're all beautiful!
Or hot if you're a guy XD
x

Currently In A Good Mood (I Know SHOCKING!)

Ah, I've decided for the next 4 months and 3 days I'm going to try and get a calorie deficite of minimum 500 calories. Because if I can maintain that minimum for the 4 months and 3 days I will apparently loose EIGHT-TEEN POUNDS!!! And instead of being horrible 150lbs I'd be 132lbs!!
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So right now I'm going to try the negative-calorie diet until I start school, then I'll go on either MY SGD or the oridginal one! Apparently I burn over 1500 calories just LIVING, so the negative calorie diet for 8 days should be of good use, and when I go on the SGD (which lasts around 20 days) I'll eat lots of fruit and veg especially the negative value ones XD
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WOOHOO!
I'LL BE SKINNY FOR NEW YEAR!!
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Oh yes and I told myself to be truthfully honest with you guys about my new (real) measurements. So here we go...
Neck - 13
UpperArm - 11
Elbow - 9.25
ForeArm - 8
Wrist - 6
Bust - 37
Underbust - 34
Waist - 31
Hipbones - 36.5
Hips(ArseArea) - 37.5
Thigh - 18.5
Knee - 13
Calf - 13
Ankle - 8.75
Weight - 150 lbs
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Is it weird that my neck is the same as my Knee and Calf?? But Woot! I'm loosing inches from my rib area (underbust) before it was probs 38?
But My inches goals to obtain by New Years are only a couple of inches different, and kind of realistic to the goal weight loss and the shape of my body. I think the biggest inch difference in my goals is for my waist at only 3 inches. And my arse area takign away about 2.5 inches so hopefully it'll be do able XD
Does it sound realistic?
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Meh anyway I'll just leave now :)
Shit... List... x.x
Uhm..
3 current goals you have, doesn't have to be related to weight loss XD
1 lose minimum 15lbs by new years
2 get high grades in my GCSE's
3Get into a good college
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FIN!
X

Errrr?

Okay.
Please. Someone SHOUT AT ME I'M A BAD BAD GIRL!!
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I suck at fasting -.- Caved into a cookie (thanks to Skei) and just pigged out on Mac and CHEESE??!!
My God I'm A HUUUUUGE FATTIE!!
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So.. Shout At me!
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I WILL FAST FOR 4 DAYS THOUGH!!
=.= (Determined face)
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Uhm... Right well.
To new followers who haven't bothered to read my character list: I may be getting checked out, but I cant and wont say yes as SKEI is my boyfriend. Just thought I'd clear that up! Incase people didn't know!
Oh and I made a character name mistake last time x.x T and G... No.. Its T and Gaz. Sorry guys XD
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I did my first yoga class todayy!!
It sucked.
It was full of old people who could do MORE THAN ME!
WTF! I'm supposed to be flexable? Fucking hell do I hurt!
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*sigh* Well heres my food plan.
I shall fast for 4 days (til monday) And then move onto my version of Skinny Girl Diet! Basically I halfed the calories so I'd eat less shit and be forced to eat fruit!
Thats like... 3 ish weeks long... I keep forgetting where I left my booklet with it in so I'm not sure. But I WILL FAST =.=
FASTFASTFASTFASTFAST...
I just realised if you type fast wrong it could be 'Fats'
Ironic.
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I've also set up exercises to do each day on my SGD so hopefully I'll loose weight FAST
See what I did there?
No? Okay.. :(
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Oh God, I dont want school to start in about 2 and a half weeks!! I have course work to do and a book to read for English! GAHH!!
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But I CBAAAA!!!
Coz, as you all know...
I'M A LAZY FATTIEEE!!
WOO
RUN FATTIE RUN!!
GAHHH!!!
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I have no lists for you... I'll think of one!!!!
*thinks*
Top 3 people you couldn't live with out!!
1Skei.. (feel special BIYATCH)
2Mannyy XD
3All those sexy people out there! My Thinspo's basically XD
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Spaz list :3
I'll leave before you get TOO scared of me
Again
I'm sorry! I'll stop!
x

I'M BEING CHECKED OUT??????

Ahahahahaa!!

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My God I never thought I'd say that!

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Okay it started at the wedding where I got drunk, the two guys around my age who I got friendly with (thanks to Skei) later in the night (After being rather wasted and T puking a rainbow XD) told me they were both proper checking me out when they first saw me and were doing their weird little signal to eachother meaning they thought I was hot.

.

Oh.

My.

GOD!

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I've never been checked out before! They said they thought I was like 18 (urhh like 2 and a bit years off bbe XD) and the reason they thought I was hot was coz..

-I have nice legs

-I looked cool in my skinnies

-I have a nice bum

-I have a nice face

-I have big boobs

I mean SERIOUSLY?? 2 guys thought(well think..) I'm hot?? And haha... I slept in the same bed as T and Skei... Both in their underwear... teehee ^-^ I feel slightly whore-ish (Yeah Peri You have a point ;]) And T was the Hot one.. G was the short shubby one. Who's room I got changed in before we even spoke XD He was shocked when he found that out. And I was the first girl to stay in his room ;) PAHAHA! I'M SO COOL! XD

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And today in Iceland (the food shop..) This kinda hot guy was checking me out when I was standing with my Gran (PAHA!) I guessed he was checking me out because he was looking at me until he passed me. And he made full 3 second eye contact with me.

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Corr... Am I hot now??? Wow. I don't feel it... But I like the attention XD

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Anyway. I was shocked when I saw the increase in Followers. FANKS PrettyWreck<3>(Btw can someone tell me how to link to other bloggers on my blog? I'm sucha retard)

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And to whoever likes lists... I LIKE THEM TOO!

Todays list!

5 Favourite possesions. Not people... You don't own people. Well... I don't myabe you do?

Anyway..

1Laptop<3

2My only size 8 shorts

3My Huge comfy trainers that are battered

4My phone...

5My little stuffed toy dog Poppy :3

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WOO!...

?

I dont know.

One final notice... I'm going to attempt to fast. Yeah. Not much hope really, aspecially for 5 days... BUT I WILL TRY HARD

Ah...

Well... Sayonara <3

x

Jesus You CARE?!?!

Wow you guys care?!?!
I'm so happy :3
Oh yeah. I didn't die
*thumbs up*
But I was almost forced to have a blood test *shiver* coz I over dosed and told the stupid lady at therapy. So my mum knows (Fuckbollocksarseshit) aaaaand good thing I only took paracetamol or I'd have had a blood text *shiver number 2*
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But anyway, I fixed up my life so I'm okay. Again. I'm so fucking indecisive!
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Moving on. Thanks you guys on commenting about my drawings XD makes me feel like I'm good at something!! Today's picture I drew astonishingly long ago so my style has changed (kinda matured really XD) since then, and all the pictures I've put up are quite old, I just haven't gotten round to sorting my new ones out! So when I can be arsed, I'll do it.
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And GUYS! SERIOUSLY?
I make you guys smile?! *blushh* Shucks! ^-^
And haha Peri XD made me laugh, but I need someone to shout sense into me so thank you!
And just thanks to everyone who's actually commented my blog, even some who've only commented once, I like reading your comments XD So please CARRY ON! I LIVE FOR THEM!
*sigh*
Okay, I've calmed down a bit now XD
No.
Fuck! Here I go again!
Hyper Arse Monkey!! XD
Okay. I'll go!
x

Specialists Are Retarded.

Ah. Okay I have a list to speakio abooooot.

1-Counselling

2-Clothes XD

3-Binge days

4-Walking diet plan

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Okay, first I'll talk about the Mental place. Well She told me everything I tell her will be kept a secret except they think I'm going to hurt myself, someone else or I'm in danger of being hurt. hen they tell people. Straight away there My multiple personalities said, 'Well we wont be telling you about us.' and I thought 'Hm. Well that means I'm not going to tell you about my self harm and suicide attempts'

Seriously. Do they think I want my mum to know that? One of my doctors knows, This other mental health lady knows, its not a secret except from my family. I dont want them to get involved with THAT aspect of my possible depression. God. I hate experts and specialists.

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The other thing (as says above 'Clothes') is that I shockingly managed to squish myself into a UK size 8 pair of shorts (US size 4)... My God? Corr blimey! They were on sale and weren't in a size 10 so tried on the 8s and just about got the button done up. Sure I have over hang (Errrrghh) but THEY FIT! DA DADA DAAAAAAA!! Oh and I got my ears pierced for the first time ever.

Shocking.

Actucally it is shocking if you knew me. I was shit scared of injections, now not so much as long as its away from my veins... and when they were pierced, it actually barley hurt! As my mum said, 'They're just fat!' the earloabs she means XD

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Now for Bonge days. Well yesterday I met up with KT and we took her home this morning, I drank alot of coke zero, full fat energy drinks, 2 and a bit cookies, 1/3 paket of maryland cookies, a mars bar, half a big bar of kitkat, 3 twix sticks, couple of these cream cake things with chocolate, some doritos, egg sandwich, noodels, cereal and possibly more sweets. tomorrow I'm going back to mostly fruit and small ammounts of other the way Skinny Girl Diet goes.

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Finally, my walking diet plan.

I wanted to do this a while ago but I had a shitty pedometer that turned off after a while and it was during the school term.

But its summer and this thing is 20 days long, basically includes alot of walking, drinking lots of water, and streaching on rest days. When Skei gets back from holiday we can walk together, Although We're lazy arounf each other (fuck -.-) but I'll get him to try. Shouldn't be too hard.

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*Sigh*

Another busy busy day! -.-

I had to get next years uniform too...

and new bras...

and hair dye...

and, yeah you get the point

Good night. Jokes. My beds too messy to sleep at 7 o'clock.

Well Good bye anyways.

x

No Titlee [still no idea what number XD]

Ahh.
My ickle plan is working! (The food plan type thingg) Cozz I am at 146.5 XD and it seems pretty stable, seeing as my weight has been fluctuating. So YEY!
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Oh Yeah I have been planning on following some of MY FOLLOWERS (its so awesome to say that XD) blogs but I've been busy so haven't had the chance. I haven't even caught up on my favourite blogs yet! o.o (I have about 2 or 3 so shouldn't take too long) And then I'll move on to my followers (Fat ballerina, Peri and maybe a few others, they just comment the most ;) )
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And on to my life news.
Skei is going away for a week (Oh yeah Its finally the holidays XD) so I'll have to entertain myself and find some 'friends' to hang out with.
I am seeing a good friend of mine (KT) on Monday and shes staying over, I havent seen her in ages XD WOO I'm reasonably excited :)
I'm seeing Li on Wednesday before she leaves to go off the Spain.
I am making Manny a present for his 16th birthday and throwing him a party at the end of summer (his birthday is like the first day back at school)
I've got alot of course work to do *booo* and I got my timetable for next year, everythings basically the same except instead if ICT i have and extra Science lesson *hiss* so now instead of 5 science lessons I have SIX?? ARGH.
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Yeah theres my update of my life XD
Well except one thing... But I'm not sure weather I wanna say it... But I am gonna say thisss... I broke the law in some way! :D (@.@) But yes. I'm not going to tell you what it is XD
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And I must be off and finish cleaning my room and read blogs!
Au Reviour <3
x

I Am SPARTAAA! Oops.. I Mean Ill. [50 something]

My God. I haven't posted in donkey's years!
O.O
Okay.. a few days.. but still.
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HEY!
I'M FINALLY AWAY FROM THE EX BULIMIC!!
WHEYHEYYY!!!!!
AAANND
I convinced my mum I'm perfectly fine and do not have bulimia...
*grin*
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BUT I got ill.
*boo hiss!*
And I got myself another apointment at the doctors to hopefully speed up the waiting list at that mental health place.
-I still see and hear things that arent there
-I've tried to kill myself some more
-I've cut myself some more
-I inflict pain on myself when I'm pissed off (usually head butting walls..)
-high street pills DONT HELP WHAT SO EVER
-I officially hate everything
-I officially dont care about my own safety
-I still cant sleep
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So the conclution is:
Gimme some fucking pills and send me to a psychiatrist. Fiona specifically asked if there was a psychiatrist at this mental health place and I was like 'I have no idea', she said that she has/had ( i cant remember which) one and it really helped.. I'm guessing its different to counselling?
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Oh yeah my weight has been fluctuating between... 10st 10 lbs (150lbs) and 10st 5 lbs (145lbs) which pisses me off. I am on the SG diet though...
Wish me luck considering I'm such a fat slag.
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Oh I was told something strange by Skei the other day... That loads of people tell HIM that I'M pretty. Thanks for the notice. Why do people tell everyone else that they're gonna beat me up or that I'm pretty and dont gove me the news? Half the people I dont even talk to, a third I've never met, One I've only met a few times and the last time I saw him I was soaking wet from the rain and the others were friends who occationally say I'm pretty or have NEVER told me that. And apparently Skei's bestfriend Tomis in love with me.. Well I doubt he's in love with me but hes a really great guy who I've let groap me and I've kissed before... The groaping was before I went out with Skei and I was trying to cheer him up XD hahahaa I have weird ways of cheering people up!

Huuh... Well I'm done. I'm bored.
I might ditch school again tomorrow.
Depends.
I LAAAAVEE YOUU
and to the new followers
WELCOME BITCHES
We should get drunk sometime!
Ignore that.
I lave you anyway XD
x