Thursday, 17 February 2011

Just itting Back, Watching My Life Crash Down... Burning...

I can see the cracks in my life being forced open with bloodstained hands. Bruised knuckles, stinging scrapes, and searing pain through out my body as I try so hard to keep my world from falling apart again.

It doesn't work.

Right now life's a bit on the poo side. Lets start with Monday. Skei has a new girlfriend. Apparently she's ugly and a slag. Aha! Me and Kitty are weirdly connecting again... I guess it's because me and Skei aren't together.
Everyone is on my side though, which is good. People think it was too soon for him to move on from our year and nearly a half relationship. Apparently he said to someone that he dumped me because he wasn't getting enough sex. Hm.
So really right now I'm rather angry. With a dollop of depressed. Bordering on mental state. But generally very very happy.
He said to me today that he and this girl just clicked, the way we apparently didn't. We were too difficult. Why does he decide to steal my words and use them against me? But the first bit upset me. So I nearly cried infront of Manny and Ted. But because Manny is so brilliant, he cheered me up. And said he's not worth it, etc. which I agree with.

I'm too good for him.

And if he has actually decided to read this then, fucking hell whatta time for you to blogger stalk me again. And right now, I HATE YOUUUUUU! :)

Oh and last weekend me and Rhii were talking about our plans on going to Australia. Yeah, gone out the window. We're putting it off for a few years. When we have money.

And about 20 minutes ago, I found out that my Dad is selling his flat and moving in with Tina. Basically fucking me over with my previous plans for college. Thanks, dick head! I shouldn't call you my Father! He's not going to (or as he says, 'cant') pay for my trip to Cornwall with the school, or a Performing Arts programme at the end of the summer holidays, which costs £800 all together which includes food and boarding. But he's going to pay £100 towards my prom dress, even though he didn't think I was going to prom. Prat.

So my life is being tipped upside down again. I'm being tested.
Thanks to the lack of money my Dad will fork over, Me and Mum are doubtfully going to France in Summer. And I was really fucking looking forward to that.

But on a lighter note. I'm a very good descriptive writer according to my English teacher. I'll post my recent homework on soon so you can have a read.

Urm, sure. I dont know what that accent is but OKAY! I feel really bad for not commenting or whatever on your blog :( but it's nearly half term so I'll get a chance to catch up! Thanks for the monologue suggestion, I'll Google it XD
WOOHOO! I can sleep on your couch! You can sleep on mine too! But I live in the middle of no where. Maybe in a few years when I live in London ;D and It'll be a few years until I get a chance to travel to places like New Zealand. But I'll definitely take up that offer ;D
Awh I've been thinking about you too, scary huh? Hm.. by the seems of my reply we'd be better off as e-mail buddies harharr

@Everyone else. I'm going to stalk you in the half term. Expect some comments SOON!

P.S I'm going to see Justin Bieber's new film tomorrow with Manny! HARHARHARR!

You guys give me a second reason to live. I love you.

Saturday, 12 February 2011

And We Go Roud In Circles... Just One Last Time We Decide To Change...

Hello again.

I have a mega humongous update of a post coming your way.


First, I just wanna say I was going to post last weekend. But my computer went up the spazzer and I just couldn't be arsed to fix it.

And Thank you to those of you who commented my last post, I only read them today but it made me feel better about posting now. I love you all, really, and I hope some day we all get what we want.

Oh and Peri. I'm not Scottish XD I'm English, but they're both the UK. haha x


First starting with my shopping trip. Brilliant. I bought 4 books, 2 manga I'd never seen before but though I'd like to read and 2 follow on books from the 'House Of Night' series. Its about vampires and whotnot.

I then got to Boots. I FINALLY BOUGHT MYSELF SOME DIET PILLS!! RESULT! And they are helping me lose a little quicker. Okay a lot quicker.

I also treated myself to a small gingerbread latte from Costa. Mmmm...

My mum was with her boyfriends family sorting out his grans place because she died recently. I picked up about 50 silk scarves and a bog wooden box to put stuff in. Its great, my diet pills live in there along with my lighters.


I had a college interview on Wednesday. Fuuuuuck my life I have an audition for the Performing Arts BTEC I wanna do in March... But I cant find a decent monologue. Help?


And one of the biggest pieces if new I have. Thursday. Be and Skei finally ended it. Dont get me wrong, I am a little sad that what we had has ended, but I refuse to cry. I've cried too much for him over the nearly a year and a half we were together. He's my friend with occasional benefits though haha! We're staying friends, and if he hasn't got a girlfriend by prom, I think I might go with him. Our relationship just didn't work. Too much stress on a couple if teenagers.

Now I'm on the rebound. I might just become a slut on a whoring spree. Pfft. Like any one's gonna want me anyway.


Friday evening I went round Rhii's house. I stayed over, hence the weird time I'm typing (6.49am). Because I had about half an hours sleep at hers. We talked about everything, watched girly films, ate pasta and the BEST chocolate fudge cake I've eaten in GOD KNOWS how long... and loads of popcorn haha.

Rhii's older brother came home from work at around 11, and join us watching WildChild and 17 Again. Funniest thing XD He's not bad looking, specially with his shirt off... But I didn't go all jelloid and he's off limits. My morals. Never go out with a friends brother unless your friend is okay with it. And Rhii thinks its weird and kinda harsh if a friend of hers started dating her brother.

I complained to her in the early hours of the morning when she kept dozing off to give me her friends number so I could text someone while she slept.

I had a VERY long conversation with him. Random too. The basics of the conversation: sex, threesomes, virginity, boyfriends/girlfriends, what we thought of each other, dream girl/guy, dream job. It was great! I'm keeping those texts and currently thinking of a name to give him. I met him back in November so its not just a random text to one of Rhii's friends.

Well it kinda was.


So I got home at 3pm. Had a shower. Ate loads. Went upstairs to read. Fell asleep. Woke up at half 5.

3 text messages.

My Gran asking if I wanted a jacket potato.

KT saying she wants to meet up in half term.

My Dad telling me he's engaged.


Hm. Well. I guess I'll text him when it gets to a normal time. And my Dad said he was never gonna get married again. Too much fuss, too much money.


Well, there's my update.

I did get up to 158lbs at one point. Now I think I'm 154 ish? I weighed myself before my shower.

I will be thin. Especially now thanks to my diet pills.

Now I'm going to take some more sleeping pills after a piece of toast, and snooze a bit longer.


Weirdly enough.

Life is good!

Even though my basoomas are still the size of UFOs.
I love you all, be happy, fuck love.

(I nearly crapped myself because I thought I lost my post! Phew!)

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Confession Before A Final Perminent Turn, Hopefully For The Better...

Hey All.
Okay, the main reason I haven't been posting is that, well, I'm having a pretty shitty time in the life of Kodi.
Gained like a mother bitch.
Yes. Over 11 stone. I feel absolutely disgusting. Fatty McFatterson.
Yesterday I had the worst knock to my confidence I could ever imagine. Me and my mum went to look at this Prom dress shop she saw in BH. I picked 3 dresses to try on (around about size 10, I knew they wouldn't fit because I can never fit into a size 10 dress around my huge tits)...
After finding out, yep, they didn't fit, The shop assistant asked my mum if I was a size 14. A size 14. I could have cried right there in that shop. I refused to cry there though. I held it in. All the way home, even when I was getting dressed into gym gear, even most of the time I was pushing myself (harder than normal) on the treadmill... then the smallest thing pissed me off, sending me over the edge. I burst into tears on the floor next to the treadmill whist it was still going. I think I cried for a good half an hour at least. I did 0.9 miles. I got back on after my cry. I couldn't handle doing anymore so went back inside the house... where I stuffed my face with mostly bread and butter.
At this current moment in time I cannot control my binges. Although, thanks to my Green Tea habit, it doesn't seem to stay in my stomach for long.
I've been trying to get the least bit on track but It all goes arses up as soon as I get home from school. The Porridge calls to me...
Tomorrow I am finally starting the Ballerina diet. Minus most of the exercise.
I shall have half a grape fruit for breakfast, and apple at school, a low fat yogurt after school and a large cup of home made soup for dinner. I have to do this. I have to loose this weight for prom. Just in general I need to loose this weight before I decide I'm not gonna try anymore and do something stupid. I'm going to aim for 2 miles on P.E days, 0.5 miles on non-P.E days and as long as possible on weekends.
I hate being this way. I hate feeling the fat wobble as I walk.
I hate everything about me right now.
I could barley face you guys. I'm honestly scared that once you read this you'll leave me because I'm such an embarrassment to have displayed on your 'Blogs I''m Following' list.
I hope I can do this. Otherwise I'm going to prom in a suit.
Hopefully I'll post again this weekend.
I'm at my mum's boyfriend's house then because I'm going shopping on Saturday. More books you see. I've been reading a lot. I think I've done through about 3 books in a months or so? So I'm getting myself some more. And I'm looking into ordering diet pills online.
I wont be catching up on blogs until half term. Its easier that way because I never have free weekends anymore.
I love you all.
Please don't leave me? :(