Put On Your Army Boots, Lets Take On The World.

Hello All.
First I just wanted to marvel at the fact that... I'm an inspiration?
Thank you @Zette for saying this. You have NO IDEA how much that meant to me! Really, made my evening. And I'm so glad that I still have followers who've patiently waited for me over however long it took me to get my head in a better place. It means a lot that you're all glad I'm back!
@BelleRina. Obviously you can do it if you really want to! Don't let one little hiccup get you down (figures, after my 2 days of no food at all I had a MAHUSIVE binge, luckily I only gained about half a pound XD Not sure how that works) I'm going to start my fats again either tomorrow or Saturday, so you can do it too!
@Lilah Lee. I know how you feel! Its horrible, but it seems like you're keeping in good spirits. Trust me you need good enough spirit to get you up in the morning and to carry on. Good luck with you're resolutions :)
(Finally) @Mich. Thank you for the advise, Next time I'll take vitamins (I wasn't taking any at the time) so in my next fast I will take one multi a day.
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Now moving on to what I was originally going to write about.
My self worth.
Yeah that might seem depressing but really, I'm just exploring what I believe and what other people have told me! Is it wrong that all I see are faults in myself, faults in my favourite body parts, faults in people on TV?
All I see to hear recently are compliments that I'm not even fishing for! Like the Ballerina/leg comment. I get all odds and ends of compliments about me that aren't said to my face.
I'm pretty.
I have nice legs.
I have big boobs (from the guys).
I'm smart.
Whats going on here? I'm not used to this! Thankfully, I'm starting to believe that I am smart, I'm not stupid anymore. I can get the grades I want, I do get the grades I want. How come I didn't see this before? Why did I think I was so stupid before this year? Maybe it was because I was comparing myself to other people? I dont think so. Comparing myself has showed me that, really, I'm smarter than a lot of my friends. I help my friends in classes, help THEM to understand whats being taught. I'm getting high B's and A's in most of my work. What made me believe I wasn't good enough mentally? Maybe because I'm borderline dyslexic and no one ever helped me because I wasn't 'bad' enough? My mum had to get me a personal tutor in year 5 because I literally could not read. Now? I'M WRITING FUCKING BOOKS!
One thing I've apparently always been good at is art.
Apparently, according to my friend, in Primary school we did a little drawing competition together, and we won because of my drawing. I dont even remember this!
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Then... Why do I feel so pitiful about my appearance..?
I've noticed my confidence grow a little because of Capelin fancying me and complimenting me on more than just my looks. He liked everything. I was even STUPID enough to tell him about my eating issues. He just listened, he understood. Apparently his brother was Bulimic, so he's been through it. I've also got a TAKEN friend of mine flirting with me a lot... honestly, I try not to proper flirt back, I just say things that are intended to sound wrong to make the situation funny... its weird really. Strange how, he apparently really loves his girlfriend, but he feels the need to flirt with me? Makes me a little anxious about if that will happen to me... I'm trying really hard not to get bored with Skei. I love him, I really do. But I just lose interest in things quickly... which is why I think I argue with him a lot. Shake things up, make it interesting. I'm fucked up in the head. I either want to start and argument with Skei or go frolicking off with some fit indie who was looking me up and down. But I DONT WANT TO. I do and I dont. I do because it'd be different. I dont, because I've fucked things up enough as it is... I dont wanna go through that again. :/
Omg. I've sooo gone off track.
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Either way.
Apparently I'm attractive. I may start asking guys at school... if I ever go back to school XD this snow has lasted several days and its like 2 foot deep.
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Maybe I should accept I'm a good catch?
I dont know if I can do that though...
Its the battle of and Eating Disordered person, isn't it?
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Apparently I deserve more...
I dont feel like I deserve anything.
Then, I feel like I deserve the world.
x

You're Amazing

Hello everyone, I just thought I'd update you on how things are going away from my blog.
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I've already got 4 Love interests. Including Skei.
Tonight I'm going to a bonfire with my friend Rhii, and I'm going to be smoking alot.
I've dropped a few pounds, not too many more to go until I'll be back properly.
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I look forward to being back, and telling you all about what's been going on.
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Anyway, I must be off.
I still love you, don't worry!
;D
x

Currently In A Good Mood (I Know SHOCKING!)

Ah, I've decided for the next 4 months and 3 days I'm going to try and get a calorie deficite of minimum 500 calories. Because if I can maintain that minimum for the 4 months and 3 days I will apparently loose EIGHT-TEEN POUNDS!!! And instead of being horrible 150lbs I'd be 132lbs!!
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So right now I'm going to try the negative-calorie diet until I start school, then I'll go on either MY SGD or the oridginal one! Apparently I burn over 1500 calories just LIVING, so the negative calorie diet for 8 days should be of good use, and when I go on the SGD (which lasts around 20 days) I'll eat lots of fruit and veg especially the negative value ones XD
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WOOHOO!
I'LL BE SKINNY FOR NEW YEAR!!
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Oh yes and I told myself to be truthfully honest with you guys about my new (real) measurements. So here we go...
Neck - 13
UpperArm - 11
Elbow - 9.25
ForeArm - 8
Wrist - 6
Bust - 37
Underbust - 34
Waist - 31
Hipbones - 36.5
Hips(ArseArea) - 37.5
Thigh - 18.5
Knee - 13
Calf - 13
Ankle - 8.75
Weight - 150 lbs
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Is it weird that my neck is the same as my Knee and Calf?? But Woot! I'm loosing inches from my rib area (underbust) before it was probs 38?
But My inches goals to obtain by New Years are only a couple of inches different, and kind of realistic to the goal weight loss and the shape of my body. I think the biggest inch difference in my goals is for my waist at only 3 inches. And my arse area takign away about 2.5 inches so hopefully it'll be do able XD
Does it sound realistic?
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Meh anyway I'll just leave now :)
Shit... List... x.x
Uhm..
3 current goals you have, doesn't have to be related to weight loss XD
1 lose minimum 15lbs by new years
2 get high grades in my GCSE's
3Get into a good college
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FIN!
X

AHHHH FUCKING BINGINGG!! [7]

omg.
right.
NO MORE BINGING.
NO VARIATION FROM MY ORIDGINAL DIET!!

right well iv gained 3 pounds :( thanks to the chocolate and other food.

so im making a drastic and strict change to my diet.

weekends i will fast.
in the week i can vary what i hav from my oridginal diet.
and try to fast on wednesdays too.
and im allowed the occational boiled egg.

NO chocolate
NO fast food
NO ready meals
NO big meals in general
NO potatoes or cereal anymore

cals in the food im going to eat.

boiled egg = 90 cals
apple = 81 cals
cucumber = 24 cals
banana = 108.5 cals
orange = 62 cals
carrot = 26 cals
1 cup strawberries = 43 cals
1/2 red pepper = 16 cals
20 blueberries = 16 cals
10 rasberries = 24 cals
1 cup grapes = 114 cals
1 cup lettuce = 7 cals

im going to try and keep my daily calories to 300 or less. and burn 1000 a day hopefully. then i should lose weight easily. i really need to start not eating the dinner my mum makes.

Ive done my masurements too..
Waist: 32 inches
hips: 36 1/2 inches
thigh: 20 1/2 inches
calf: 14 inches
ankle: 9 inches
underbust: 35 inches
bust: 39 inches
upper arm: 11 1/2 inches
forarm: 9 inches
wrist: 7 1/2 inches
neck: 13 1/2 inches

gonna start moisturising and dancing in my room at weekends coz i can tell my skin needs the moisture :/ and all that jazz. so hopefully ill lose this extra weight this week...
*crosses fingers*

#[cant remember what number..] I'm A Hazzard To Myself. Only I Know That.

yess well wish me luck >.<

x

Cocolate is the DEVIL!! [6]

hm well iv been swaping and changing what im eating -.-

and not finishing alot of my food.


i really need to drink more water, im getting dehidrated and really hungry. WATER IS GOD CHOCOLATE IS THE DEVIL. mehhh
iv been craving chocolate too. i just ate about 6 pieces.. i need to remember to drink the healthy hot chocolate for my cravings. and more milk and shizzle to make me grow another inch or two. -.- im like RIGHT on the boarder of being classed as short in the modelling world [who knows what i wanna do when im older] so another inch or two would be great for me :) my ideal height is 5'10 anyway. three inches taller than i am now.


so im adding eggs to my diet. and milk coz the protine and calcium makes the bones bigger and stronger meaning ill grown taller. and some exercises. must sit up straight too =.=

Mon lovely friend Em complimented my legs today :) aparently i have lovely legs ^_^ wow! right im in the mood for some milk... ill get some in a bit, when im done here.

iv not been keeping to my diet too well but iv been keeping to the timing well. not eating after six. ahh... i duno what to dooooooo!! help meee :(

#3 I Think That If I Lose That Little Bit More Weight, You'll Love Me That Little Bit More.

well im off.
must keep moving some more.. *sigh*
wish losing weight was easy -.-

oh well.
x

AHHHHHHHHHH

okay todays diet went well

then my friend shoved some chocolate down my throte. and i had a bowel of special k. but thats not so bad, only coz the 2 bananas i ate didnt reli fill me up and so i thought 'well lets go for something healthy'

but now my mum has accused me of being bulimic. WTF.

she asked what i was having for dinner and i said my cereal. then she sed 'oh really well are you going to throw it up after?'
honetly.
what in fuck.
'well youre not eating so its all a bit suspisious' ???? hows not eating bulimic?? thats anorexic. god i do hate me mother sometimes. i reli need a proper therapist.
she was all 'well iv been there before i kno the signs' -.- just coz her friend was bulimic at school DOES NOT MEAN SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT EDs!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK!!!!

i had p.e today. sprinting. so burned alot of calories im guessing.

planning on having a fag on thursday. with my lovely friend CRAIIIIIIIGG! <3 hes amazing reli. and smoking burns calories rightt??

oh yes and iv been fidgeting all day and didnt eat a wham thingy earlier.

proudd! :3

AIMING FOR SIZE 10!! hell yeah.

i could do with some support. :/ i really want to lose weight! AHH

might start putting secrets on these things. related to this obviously.
heres my first

#1 Ever Since You Told Me About Those Other Girls, I've Starved, Counted Calories And Tried To Make Myself Sick.

its true. i have a feeling my mums not far off. i think i might have an ED... hm.

well yeahhh
post tomorrow!
x

i know i know [3]

yess i forgot to post yesterday!

but i did weigh myself. im back to 10 stone 13 pounds! WOOHOO! :D

im doing well today on my diet, although my stomach is growling like crazy!! i would hav drank more water but it tasted rank :/ so i didnt. i need to get a filter.. it might taste better then.

walked home from the bus stop too :) its a lovely day actually :) i want to go out in it but i hav homework -.- bastard teachers.
i kept twiching and fidgeting today, burning even more calories! i didnt even eat my whole apple! Skei and Scam wanted some so i didnt even eat an apples worth of calories and now im slowly munching on cucumber :) im such a good girl! :D hopefylly by the end of the week i will have lost even more weight!! <3 PLEASE!! i dont like being nearly 11 stone -.- better than 11 stone 6 pounds i guess :/ like i was before i started losing weight. after this week i might do a week fast with my friend Hans. just reli to see if we can do it.

hoping by the end of all my dieting ill get to like 8 and a half stone?? id still be in the healthy bmi section aswell so WHOOPEYY! but thats IF i can get there..

well wish me luck!! :D
love x