ish mish. [11]

right yesterday i was too angry to eat [big ol' situation about im 'not just a fucking bitch im a fat fucking bitch', went off the walls, hit a few things ect..]

so i didnt eat yesterday

ate loads today however. depressive eating. coz basically my dogs gonna die.

went to the gym tho. but deffinetly ate more than i burned.
am going to townio tomorrow. need to get my friend a birthday presant and keep me out of the house. its easier to stay away from food when you hav to pay for it.

sunday i might go for an early walk [whenever i wake up] then weigh, measure and photograph mon fat self :/ christ.

if iv gained that pund back ill be pissed.
i only did 20 minutes at the gym but pushed myself.
on the bikes i alternated between 8 secs of reli fast peadaling and 12 secs of normal for 10 minutes
on treadmill i built up speed to 6.5 mph then went down a little then carried on getting slower for five minutes after the 10 minutes

i reli shouldnt eat breakfast. it makes me want more food.
iv been keeping busy by taking down all my posters on the walls and throwing out the ones i dont want anymore. but im not putting them back up coz it means effort and i want them all up when i live with my dad for collage [in a little over a year]

been making endless lists -.- what to do, what to get, what to get sorted for when... ect.

fast weekend. hopefully makes up for my shitty diet week.

i must say i think my school trousers [which are skinny leg] feel bigger and baggier. i can pull it away from my waist [never been able to do that before] and theres loads of excess space in the leg parts now. could be the wash or maybe i reli am losing weight..
heyyy ^-^

iv developed a compulsion to read or try to find the nutritional value chart on all foods. which is good then i know what im eating.

uhh.

[give up with numbers] # I Dont Care Who Says It, It Just Proves Its Not All In My Head. I Really Am Fat And Im Not Good Enough For Anyone.

i need to drink more water. im like dying. iv had 2 bottles and a can of coke zero [which has one calorie which is pretty amazing]

tomorrow i might let myself have the 20 blue berries that have been in my fridge for a couple of days. they might go off other wise and itll keep my body going for longer. then more water <3

corr..
tough work this getting thin thing aint it?

one last thing.
im gonna put thinspo on my blogs except the ones with my photo progress on.
so WOOP
lots of pretty skinny girls on my blog to motivate me

bye all ;)
x

here come crazy PSYCHO BITCH! [10]

here's a little thinspo pic that i like :)
they have REALLY nice legs! <3

but anyway.

binged again -.-

fucks sake

its coz i was stressed in the i-must-eat sorta way -.-
well ill burn off extra tomorrow and eat blue berries and raspberry's tomorrow

i have p.e tomorrow too so there's quick calories gone. also the fags I've been having coz of the stress. fuck me.
done some yoga ish stretches today too. well like a second ago. coz i ache ALOT.

I've lost a pound. i measured this morning at 10 stone 12 pounds [YESSSSS!!]

okay I got home and i wasn't hungry then i had a jacket potato and i wanted toast and chocolate spread then had several digestive biscuits and chocolate -.- obviously my body likes the carbs and whatever chocolate is set as. but they are now CUT from the diet. even though theres a new loaf of brown bread I'm in love with..

i walked home again today though. yeah that's about all...

I can feel my little alter getting weaker coz I keep stuffing my fat face :/at the moment i really need her and my other one Syke or i may have a full on breakdown.

oh my god i really need a house party to go too. i have so much energy pent up that i need some way to release it. hm. or a concert :L i dance like mad at those! OMG in collage i can go to loads!that'll help me lose weight in a couple of years. reminds me, i need to think about packing, what I'm gonna take to my dads flat when i go to collage. i have a little over a year to do that though so its all good.

righty must be off. have nothing else to say XD
x

Fuckin' Hell.. [9 or so.]

i was too busy yesterday to blog. :/ sorry.

i must say that if i get anymore stressed and frustrated then i will either become obese or skinny. and be a full time smoking addict. and expelled.

but hopefully i can stop myself form eating too much [half the reason i didnt post, i was reli ashamed of myself]

right well breakdown over. decided to go with the chew and spit tacktic of fatty foods. like crisps. did it twice yesterday and licked the taste off of some today too.

but i ate 2 sweets.

i reli need to get a box or something to put all my little sweets that arent gum.

also trying the elastic band theory. hav it on your wrist and ping it when ever you get hungry. mehh. works ish.


i had toast when i got home [150 cals :O i couldnt believe how much in a fucking slice of bread!] and a cup of grapes [114 cals :/] and an orange this morning [62 cals] which is about...

326 cals.
fuck.
went over the daily ammount im allowing myself.
its better than yesterday tho
the chocolate spread didnt even hav the nutritional values on -.-

but will be getting strickter. and sneekier.

must remember to take crisps and shit to school make mum think i ate that.
then eat whatever my afternoon meal is through the 2 1/2 hours until i cant eat. [6:00 is my time limit] i think i worked off alot tho. relay in p.e was tiring so that should hav done it, if not then my walk home would hav helped too.

and the fags yesterday. since they apparently burn calories.

but fuck me. im such a pig.
i dont wanna take pictures next sunday :/ or monday depending on spare time i hav...

iv written everything out. exercises, food, extra calorie burners [which iv also done alot of]...

i think tomorrow ill live off of 2 bananas.
then tell my mum i ate crisps... and toast.. hm..

huh.. according to a rough estmate thanks to an online calculator i am burning 4,306 calories. well today. cool.

#6 I've Never Had Control, I Want It And I Dont Care How.

thats about it reliiiiiii
so yah
fuck my life as usual
x

oh Horrorrrrrrr >.< [8]

sunday again...

shit. next sunday i hav to do pictures again. HORROR!!
am doing fast today to lose the weight i keep putting back on. also been reaserching exrecises and how many calories they burn. its tiresome trying to be thin :/

itll all be worth it in the end :)
iv decided on fast days [now changed to weekends] ill only drink water and milk. milk is more filling and good for your bones.

i swear that size 10 dress hates me -.- i really need to lose weight in general.

apparently UK women hav gotten fatter and straighter since the 1950s figure wise.
well my waist is smaller than the current average woman.. and my boobs are bigger than average.. XD im 3 inches taller than the average woman too.. okay im not average at all :L:L my hips are a bit smaller than average too so hey shows im smaller than average until you measure my height and boobs (Y) im top heavy :/ im like an upside down triangle like guys are supposed to be. i hav broard shoulders too -.-

and my body fat percentage is lower than i thought.. 25.3% .. still need to lose it -.-

from my diet plan i hav written the maximum calorie intake for the week is aproximatly 400 calories
must stick too it or i wont lose any weight!!!!!!! ah!

then the maximum exercise of the week is:
4 days of 10-15 minutes of walking (40-60 minutes total) = 240-360 calories
kissing XD(around maybe 5 minutes 4 days a week) = 24.64 calories

thats more than my actual intake of food and thats only the things i do that i know the calories of! ill be trying to do cycling and running at the gym soon coz my mum wants to start going again and i dont mind (obviously)im trying to burn 1000 calories more than i ate, maybe a couple of extra 100 cals a day??

should help me to lose weight :)
whoopeyy

i shall be doing sit ups [different variations as well as the norm] to build muscle so itll burn MORE calories XD im getting good at figuring things out now :) and maybe some press ups too so my arms dont get left out.. :L
also try to improve my flexibility some more, so i can do yoga properly [hopefully finding a yoga class to go to] and just be cool and yeah

#5 every promise someone breaks makes me more detremined to show them i can do something if i want it enough. i am worth something.

thats about it for todayyy

i think i wrote this over a 3 hour span :L:L just to give me something to do (Y)

so yessssss
wish me luck on my edited diet plan and exercise thingyy

love from the soon to be skinny bitch ;)
x

AHHHH FUCKING BINGINGG!! [7]

omg.
right.
NO MORE BINGING.
NO VARIATION FROM MY ORIDGINAL DIET!!

right well iv gained 3 pounds :( thanks to the chocolate and other food.

so im making a drastic and strict change to my diet.

weekends i will fast.
in the week i can vary what i hav from my oridginal diet.
and try to fast on wednesdays too.
and im allowed the occational boiled egg.

NO chocolate
NO fast food
NO ready meals
NO big meals in general
NO potatoes or cereal anymore

cals in the food im going to eat.

boiled egg = 90 cals
apple = 81 cals
cucumber = 24 cals
banana = 108.5 cals
orange = 62 cals
carrot = 26 cals
1 cup strawberries = 43 cals
1/2 red pepper = 16 cals
20 blueberries = 16 cals
10 rasberries = 24 cals
1 cup grapes = 114 cals
1 cup lettuce = 7 cals

im going to try and keep my daily calories to 300 or less. and burn 1000 a day hopefully. then i should lose weight easily. i really need to start not eating the dinner my mum makes.

Ive done my masurements too..
Waist: 32 inches
hips: 36 1/2 inches
thigh: 20 1/2 inches
calf: 14 inches
ankle: 9 inches
underbust: 35 inches
bust: 39 inches
upper arm: 11 1/2 inches
forarm: 9 inches
wrist: 7 1/2 inches
neck: 13 1/2 inches

gonna start moisturising and dancing in my room at weekends coz i can tell my skin needs the moisture :/ and all that jazz. so hopefully ill lose this extra weight this week...
*crosses fingers*

#[cant remember what number..] I'm A Hazzard To Myself. Only I Know That.

yess well wish me luck >.<

x

Cocolate is the DEVIL!! [6]

hm well iv been swaping and changing what im eating -.-

and not finishing alot of my food.


i really need to drink more water, im getting dehidrated and really hungry. WATER IS GOD CHOCOLATE IS THE DEVIL. mehhh
iv been craving chocolate too. i just ate about 6 pieces.. i need to remember to drink the healthy hot chocolate for my cravings. and more milk and shizzle to make me grow another inch or two. -.- im like RIGHT on the boarder of being classed as short in the modelling world [who knows what i wanna do when im older] so another inch or two would be great for me :) my ideal height is 5'10 anyway. three inches taller than i am now.


so im adding eggs to my diet. and milk coz the protine and calcium makes the bones bigger and stronger meaning ill grown taller. and some exercises. must sit up straight too =.=

Mon lovely friend Em complimented my legs today :) aparently i have lovely legs ^_^ wow! right im in the mood for some milk... ill get some in a bit, when im done here.

iv not been keeping to my diet too well but iv been keeping to the timing well. not eating after six. ahh... i duno what to dooooooo!! help meee :(

#3 I Think That If I Lose That Little Bit More Weight, You'll Love Me That Little Bit More.

well im off.
must keep moving some more.. *sigh*
wish losing weight was easy -.-

oh well.
x

fast=mehh [5]

right fast day didnt go well and last night i was so upset i binged on this peanut butter thingthat was like 350 calories! >.< i cant believe how many that is!

well i didnt eat until lunch. then i nicked half of someones chocolate spread sandwich -.-

when i got home i ate 2 packets of crisps [i kno i kno no control] a big bowel of cocoa nut yogurt, and a vegetarian sheperds pie.. pftt stuffed and will not eat from now onwards. coz its past 6 oclock.

looks like my fast days turn out to be binge days -.- fuckkk...

but i think my mothers convinced that im not throwing up my food afterwards. corr... i wish i didnt eat that much i feel sick now >.< this is why i prefer to be hungry. i dont feel obese sick!

right well iv mostlikely gone into the 1000s for calories today. maybe 1100?? not sure. i couldnt ask for an estimate of calories in the pie coz my mums suspisious.
so roughly 1100. :/
most days iv managed to keep it in the 200/300 section but today i definetly binged too much. tomorrow shall be STRICT!

OR I WILL NOT FIT IN THE BOOOOOOOTIFUL DRESS I HAVE

although i was VERY hyper today. might hav burned off around a 1/3 of what i ate? $ and walked home from the bus stop.. mehh tomorrow=STRICT!!!!!!!!

#2 I Compare Myself To EVERYONE Around Me. And With The Majority, I'm Fatter, And More Worthless In My Eyes.


AHH
i hate being fat -.-
and very under loved.
meh.

AHHHHHHHHHH

okay todays diet went well

then my friend shoved some chocolate down my throte. and i had a bowel of special k. but thats not so bad, only coz the 2 bananas i ate didnt reli fill me up and so i thought 'well lets go for something healthy'

but now my mum has accused me of being bulimic. WTF.

she asked what i was having for dinner and i said my cereal. then she sed 'oh really well are you going to throw it up after?'
honetly.
what in fuck.
'well youre not eating so its all a bit suspisious' ???? hows not eating bulimic?? thats anorexic. god i do hate me mother sometimes. i reli need a proper therapist.
she was all 'well iv been there before i kno the signs' -.- just coz her friend was bulimic at school DOES NOT MEAN SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT EDs!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK!!!!

i had p.e today. sprinting. so burned alot of calories im guessing.

planning on having a fag on thursday. with my lovely friend CRAIIIIIIIGG! <3 hes amazing reli. and smoking burns calories rightt??

oh yes and iv been fidgeting all day and didnt eat a wham thingy earlier.

proudd! :3

AIMING FOR SIZE 10!! hell yeah.

i could do with some support. :/ i really want to lose weight! AHH

might start putting secrets on these things. related to this obviously.
heres my first

#1 Ever Since You Told Me About Those Other Girls, I've Starved, Counted Calories And Tried To Make Myself Sick.

its true. i have a feeling my mums not far off. i think i might have an ED... hm.

well yeahhh
post tomorrow!
x

i know i know [3]

yess i forgot to post yesterday!

but i did weigh myself. im back to 10 stone 13 pounds! WOOHOO! :D

im doing well today on my diet, although my stomach is growling like crazy!! i would hav drank more water but it tasted rank :/ so i didnt. i need to get a filter.. it might taste better then.

walked home from the bus stop too :) its a lovely day actually :) i want to go out in it but i hav homework -.- bastard teachers.
i kept twiching and fidgeting today, burning even more calories! i didnt even eat my whole apple! Skei and Scam wanted some so i didnt even eat an apples worth of calories and now im slowly munching on cucumber :) im such a good girl! :D hopefylly by the end of the week i will have lost even more weight!! <3 PLEASE!! i dont like being nearly 11 stone -.- better than 11 stone 6 pounds i guess :/ like i was before i started losing weight. after this week i might do a week fast with my friend Hans. just reli to see if we can do it.

hoping by the end of all my dieting ill get to like 8 and a half stone?? id still be in the healthy bmi section aswell so WHOOPEYY! but thats IF i can get there..

well wish me luck!! :D
love x

Bloggy Numerr 2

right. been binge eating basically everyday -.-

eaten too many calories so today and tomorrow i'm going on a fast to try and make up for it. specially since i've gained 1.5 lbs from my usual weight. then when i start school on monday i shall go back to my oridginal diet plan for a week then fast for a week. no one would like the idea so i've managed to come up with ways to make my mum think i'm eating when i'm on a fast.
eat in my room then give it to my dog
take snacks to school then give them away.

and i must drink lots of water coz i think im getting a sore throte :/ it hurrrrts >.<

weight: 11 st 0.5lbs

i hav a ribbon tied to my wrist that i want my waist to be like, im nearly there aswell :)



hopefully sometime soon ill be a size 10 :D coz i reeeeeeeeeelii wanna fit in this gorgeous dress ive hd inmy cuppboard for AGES and Skei thinks its pretty. god damn arse wont let me fit in it tho :/

mental note: look up exersizes to get a smaller arse.


uhh well thats all today. ill post tomorrow about how my fast has gone and my weight and shizzle :)

ill accept any comments or whatever XD follow?
and i could do with some support, yeah?

well see you sexies tomorrow ;)
x

Weightloss Blog 1

Intro: Heyyy, right Im going to do this for myself, and if anyone wants to follow my footsteps feel free, i dont care :L this is just for me, im writing for my benifit. coz i wanna lose weight. :L blaitz so thats all. yes
Me Now >.<
VV

Sunday-11/4/10

Weight: 11 st 1 lb

consumption: carton of orange juice.

Diet Plan: Rainbow.

rules:

WILL weigh myself EVERY sunday

WILL potograph every 4 weeks.

Monday and Tuesday.

FAT BITCHHH!!!!

epicly failed my diet. ate crisps on monday and chocolatey sweet things on tuesday but hopefully burnt quite alot of it off *crosses fingers*

determined to follow diet on wednesday. [fast day] hopefully easy. i shall be busy with Skei all day anyway. :)