Update for last Wednesday

I did do this, I just haven't had the time to update it on here.
so here are the scores...

Weight: 164.4 lbs
Underbust (right by the underwire of bra) : 34”
Fat roll under under bust (or ribs, whichever) : 35”
‘waist’ : 33.25”
‘hips’ : 39.25”
weird hip/bum/thigh thing : 39.5”
fattest part of one thigh : 22.75”


This is pretty sick in a week! I'm gonna eat even healthier coz I think I might have slipped up a little and I'm stressed that I might have gained. I'm gonna weigh myself tomorrow morning. I'm still on my diet pills and I guess I'm walking a lot and moving a lot. Especially in Performing arts BTEC, coz my character is enthusiastic and I actually jog in. AND our Mask piece is based around an aerobics class and we've done bits of routines. That kill me when I'm dressed in my everyday clothes. 


Fingers crossed. 
x

154.6

Right. I've dropped 5.2 lbs since last Wednesday, but I have a really bad feeling about today that I'm going to gain or something.
I'm so proud of myself that I've managed to lose so match with, reasonably, little effort. Although this next week, starting on my update day, I think I'll bump up the exercise. I may even convince Grace to take me clubbing with her. Although it may be a Tranny bar, but hey, they more dancing the better!

So on my Tumblr blog, I've asked my followers and whoever else to send me messages (which are depicted on a post) so I'll do some exercise. Coz I feel mega guilty for some reason.

I think tomorrow I'll skip breakfast, lunch and have a small dinner of soup then that will be it, to kick start week 2.

I may even log on to Pretty Thin again to find some workouts to do...
Or use some old one's I printed months ago.

hopefully, I'm still losing.

<3

I'm Eating like A Normal person!!

Yesterday I ate like a normal person. Sort of. 


I didn't eat until I got home, which was possibly... 3pm ish?
I went to town after college so I did plenty of walking looking for this stupid secret santa present. 
When I got home I had a packet of mini rice cakes (sour cream and onion, 94cals) then 3 plain rice cakes (29cal per rice cake) then I dozed off watching a film. Had dinner (pasta with vegetables and philidelphia for source.) and a little packet of mini chedders when I woke up. AND I actually ate a slice of chocolate fudge cake! :O 


And well, guess what.
I weighed myself this morning...
I've lost! 
166.4!
WHEYHEY!


Today though, so far..Plus today I had a small (for me, so probably what normal people have) bowl of cereal when I woke up. Crunchy nut with chocolate bits. I could be healthier but I’m proud of how I’m doing at the moment. Then I got home around 2.30pm had 2 peanut butter and jam sandwiches and 2 pieces of toast with honey, and a lot of skimmed milk.


I’m not planning on eating until at least dinner. And no pudding today!




I'm hoping not to eat tomorrow because I'm uber busy and I might be going to a bonfire with Zane :)
But I'm testing out this 21 days thing. I'm going to try to eat 'normally' or less for 21 days then after that will be restricting for 21 days. It's all to change habits because I need to break some really bad ones. 


But that's about it today.
Tatty bye ;)
x

Photo Progress 1

Weight: 169.8lbs (FML)
Underbust (right by the underwire of bra) : 35"
Fat roll under under bust (or ribs, whichever) : 36.5"
'waist' : 35.75"
'hips' : 40.25"
weird hip/bum/thigh thing : 39.5"
fattest part of one thigh : 23.75"

Depending on how well I do I'll either update this weekly or monthly. So weekly would be every Wednesday night. Monthly would be every 4 weeks on a Wednesday.

Wish me luck, or I may become suicidal if I don't do this.

I can do this.
I want to lose weight.
I'm 100% committed to this.
I want to feel better about myself, have more confidence and finally feel 'pretty'. I also don't want the fatty-boom-boom health issues.
I can do this.
I will do this.
I want to lose weight.

21 Days.

It takes 21 days to break a habit.
21 days I need to stop binging.
21 days I need to restrict and fast.
21 days until this gets easier.

Today didn't go as planned. I fasted until around 5pm. Got home from college, was going to stop at the one packet of rice cakes (94cals) but carried on with some full sized cheese rice cakes (38 per rice cake). Then I had a few glasses of milk, followed by dinner of pasta and philidelphia cheese and veggies. Then 3 packets of 2 fox's biscuits. then 3 pieces of cake. More milk.

Tomorrow I will succeed and not sit in the living room. I think thats where I'm going wrong. The living room is more tempting than my bed room with a T.V, Laptop, music... etc.


I'm currently going to focus on this for 21 days to see if I can actually break my binging habit and start a new one of, well, not eating.

I can do this.
I want to lose weight.
I'm 100% committed. 
Focus. 
I will succeed.

It's time I Get Motivated.

168.4

168.4

168.4

168.4

168.4

168.4

168.4

168.4

Fuck my life. I did the calculations months ago that if I managed a 2000 deficit for 6 weeks, I can get down to 146lbs by the 21st if I start tomorrow. So I'll have to decide on one thing to eat everyday. Probably fruit (a banana would be best to help with energy). 

I know I weighed myself at the end of my day which can amount up to 5 lbs extra weight, but I'm going to see it as it is now. So I might actually get my arse moving! I'm desperate to get my 3rd lobe piercings done but it's one of my goal rewards. So I'll have to work hard to get down to 147 lbs if I want them done. i've managed to gain about 8 lbs in a month. LESS than a month. How do I manage that, seriously? 

Tomorrow my mission begins. 2000 forever. 

I've been in such a shitty mood that I've been eating out of boredom and depression. I've been googling treatments to try to solve that pattern of eating and I'm trying out hypnosis videos on youtube (hey, it doesn't hurt to try... unless some tosser makes a joke one and then the girl from the ring pops up whilst you watch it in the middle of the night.) and I'm keeping my eyes open for cheap dance classes. But I'm going to change my eating patterns to not eating out of depression. I'd rather be a starver than a binger for emotions any day. 


So I'm off to go watch some lovely, calming hypnosis videos. 
Let's hope they work. 


'I'm sexy and I know it' - LMFAO

I Just Want To Disappear.

I think as we get further and further into the winter months, the more depressed I get.
I want to lose weight, but when I'm depressed I eat. And I'm tired. Too tired to exert anymore energy than necessary. I'm dropping an A level in Psychology because every time I enter that room I want to commit suicide, and I haven't got the brain power for something so academic.

I just feel ill. Constantly.
Trying to eat like a 'normal' human. All I feel is guilty because now people are telling me I shouldn't eat that or that much. Like I'm about to listen. My secret snacking is a problem. I'm not trying too hard to hide it, I don't need to, no ones ever around anymore.

I really need to get a grip.

My eating is one major affecter to my mood.

Normal. Think normal.

It doesn't help I feel alone, unloved, unwanted. No one's here for me anymore. Zane. That's about it, really. Ever since Grace said we were't close enough for her to tell me something cringey, I've not thought of her as a go to person, even though she noticed when I started cutting with my razor again.
I've still lost my razor. So I've nicked a kitchen knife.

I just feel sad, and pathetic, and alone.
Some one save me.

I'm Sick Sick SICK Of This!!

All I do is bingebingeBINGE!!

I'm ill. I can't stop EATING. I can't even make it 'normal'. All I want to do is collapse in my bed and pass out for the next few weeks. That'd be an easy fast. 10lbs dropped easy.
I've not looked at the scales.

I started the pill close to 3 weeks ago to TRY TO CONTROL MY PERIODS, but I'm still taking them this week yet... I have a period. Nothing in my life makes sense (and that includes my laptop..).
Back to the main point.
I can't even get an accurate weigh in this week because of my period. But I may weigh myself tomorrow and get the horror over with. Either way I'm obviously 164 or over. Just 4 pounds away from 12 STONE! I'd rather kill myself than be 12 stone. My mum is (unfortunately) 12 stone or more, and she's only 5'4". Although my friends still think she's pretty, which gives me some hope. That I might be able to pull off 13 stone at the age of 38 (nearly 9).
I need to stop eating so much. I've decided I'm liquid fasting. I'm not counting the calories coz I need to shrink my stomach first. I'll try to drink more water, I'll try to move more. Little by little. Otherwise, i cannot do this.

My mum bought exercise DVDs by the Strictly Come Dancing women. Bless. I may have to join her, motivate each other. I don't like my mum weighing more than me, hell I don't want her to weigh what I weigh! It makes me worried for her, me and my Gran (who is no longer her old size 10 self since her hip replacement). All our health problems will only get worse. If I keep gaining, I will eventually have enough and kill myself, that's how much this effects me. And I can't even cut anymore because my razor has gone missing. Coz my mum cleaned my room when I was away. (FML)

I've confessed to my mum that I physically cannot control my eating. I eat when I'm bored/stressed/depressed/upset/want to be social/because I can. I rarely eat to live these days. I had 3 slices of white toast with beans and cheese on it about 2-3 hours ago and I'm still ill and bloated from it!
I feel disgusting.

Sometimes I wish I was a puker, rather than someone who swaps and switches with the click of a

My Trip To Perfection - THE COME BACK!!

I've been having these revelations. If I do not shift this weight soon, I may never be rid of it.

Last night I had a Halloween party and I spent some time around 2 hours crying about my vanity. A whole inner (and possibly outer) lecture of self-loathing, pouring through the strained seems of my t-shirt.

You're so ugly. Why do you bother? Even player Jack wouldn't sleep with you. What's wrong with you? Everything. You're so fat, you need to lose weight. Get rid of those stretch marks. Those jiggling thighs. Your massive cake shelf. Then people will love you. Your friends don't care...

And somehow, Zane managed to talk me to sleep, safe in the comfort of his arms.


Now I see it.
Everything I do is an act. I'm a performer 24/7. I'm more real in a drama exercise than I am with my friends. I'm losing trust. Again. I'm being over powered by my work, by my new classmates' beauty... by the guys who'll never want me. One in particular. Sexy Josh. I've met him once, and fell head over heels in love with his absolute awesomeness. Trying every way possible to see him again, to talk to him. And above all, he talks to me like I'm a real human being, as if I'm just a girl and he's just a guy. Not as if I'm some Man-ish dike with belly rolls and he's some gorgeous rockstar with out an inch of imperfection on him.

More to the point.
I'm back. For good. I need to control my life again. With all these beautiful Drama, Dance and Photography students around me... I look like a dog left out in the rain. I am dedicated. I miss the ways of the devil incarnate. The hunger pangs, the feeling of pure strength and weightlessness.

I am ready to become a Perfect Girl.






"You've already Failed Once, don't Fail again!" - Downsize me

Ferme Votre Bouche!

Right Now I hate blogger.
It's pissing me off.
I CAN'T COMMENT! (Which brings me to say 'Periiiii I misss youu :( Fuckin' blogger wont let me comment, I'm not being a bitch and ignoring you! Bloggers being an ARSE HOLE! GAHHHH!! >:[' )
And not it wont even let me upload a picture.

I'm already in a bad enough mood because of my massive late night binge and failed attempt to purge. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS PUKE? I can't do it unless I've had obsene amounts of alcohol!
Now I feel fat, bloated and ill.

Breatharian-iam went out the window a few hours after I started.
Fuck that.
I'm just gonna fast. Basically the same thing. Who cares. I wanna die pretty soon anyway. Might as well start killing myself off now!

Who wants the gossip on Skei?
I'm gonna tell you anyway. I was with him yesterday, when we first saw each other he played me a song he wrote. For me.
Later on he asked me to Prom even though he's not going coz he hasn't paid but he says he's gonna try to go.
THEN he asked me out. Asked me to be his girlfriend again. Know what I said?
'No. Not until you prove to me you have changed. I wont go out with you.'
Feel proud of me bitchess XD

Seeing him tomorrow... I don't know what I'm doing. I'm playing with fire. WITH FIRE!
I'm just too stupid to notice.

Had a massive clean of my room. Now I'm organising. But it's too late to finish so it'll all end up on the floor in a bit. I'm shattered. I don't even know what I'm doing with myself anymore...

I guess that's it for the night. I want my pillow -.-

Good night. I'll try and fix this fucking comment problem!
Liebe das Kodii
xxx

Cake For Breakfast Anyone?

120 crunches.
close to a slice of chocolate cake.
close to a slice of cheese cake.
4 teaspoons full of potato salad.
5 mini doughnuts.
3 cream and jam rolls.
2 shortbread biscuits.
2 laxatives.

My breakfast.
After that I became determined to become a proper Breatharian. I spent the rest of my morning reading through the research I printed yesterday. I seem to connect well with religious and spiritual reasons for fasting. It's weird.
Although Breatharians don't consume anything (even liquids or water) I'm going to allow myself water. And alcohol at parties. *laugh* I may go out on the treadmil if Manny doesn't give me a text... We're supposed to go see The Hangover Part 2 today but he didn't text or show up yesterday, he might just forget again. -.-'
I need a fag.

I tried on some of my dresses that are in my cupboard last night...
Disaster.
One I could easily pull on. A bit tight around the boobs but most of my dresses are. Dress number 2, couldn't zip up what so ever. Number 3 I had to hook the top bit first before having to turn it around and zip it up. Didn't completely zip up. Number 4 and 5, the seems cracked a bit as I pulled them over my boobs. Wasn't really expecting that.
I may go downstairs and do some cleaning with my extra ankle weights and my electric muscle contractor thing on my waist. I'm keeping focus on my waist as it's, well, massive. Last time I measured it, it was 34 inches. Not. Fucking. Good.

I miss being 147lbs. Gaining this weight has made me realise how slim I looked at 147 even though I thought I was big and saw no difference. I now see it. And wish I had it back.
FML!

Well I'm off to see what I can do down stairs. Then I'll clean my room.

Tarrahh
I love you all :)
Viele Liebe Kodiee
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's not going well...

I can't seem to stick to any diet or fasting ritual I've ever done before. Fuck my life.
I remembered a teacher at my Diploma (Who, admittably, I didn't like) telling us about 'Breatharianism', as her mother-in-law was a Breatharian. Well I did some research (And printed well over 13 pages worth of stuff) and Have decided to give this a try.

I am a Breatharian!
But I'm keeping it quiet. People thought I was weird enough for being Vegan (which did not go at all to plan) imagine what people would say when I say 'I live off Air, Light and the Universe'...
They'd send be straight back into CAMHS.

I'm also going to try and get on the tread mill more often. I'm bordering on 160lbs again (and that was a few days ago at the beginning of my binge.) and I don't like seeing it. I don't like feeling my tighs and belly jiggle when I walk. Seeing as I don't go to school at the moment except for exams I should find exercise easy to fit into my life now. Wrong. But I have been going out a lot and walking basically everywhere, which (If I can stop fucking eating) will make me skinny.

Prom is about a month away.
ONE MONTH to at least begin to fix this mess I've made of myself. Then another month to make me skinny for my Drama course. Sharing a mini-apartment with 4 other girls, I may kill myself if I'm not skinny.

My mum's having a BBQ at the moment. I'm being anti-social as I don't know or want to know anyone outside. And I'm tired. And the weather is shit. Quelle Suprise.

I'm also looking into Gym classes at the local Health Centre. For the days I don't leave the house, this would be good. I find classes more motivating anyway... I can't exercise on my own anymore unless I'm in a blazing mood.

This was my fitness and diet update really... No social life crept in this post! XD
If a certain someone doesn't see me tomorrow then I'll post (maybe), if he does... I'll post later (maybe).
I'm unreliable.
I hope you're all doing well. I still haven't caught up :/ I will get round to it sometime!!

Stay strong everyone!
Sending out virtual luuuurve <3
Kodii
x

It's Not My Fault, Honest!

Thinking about watching '90210' seeing as they're all skinny fuckers on that show.

Okay first off, sorry for the delay. I was going to post about a week or so ago but my computer had a spazz. Then I had 4 exams last week, a leavers day party to go to, a guy to meet and an exam yesterday.
The 4 exams last week, eh okay I suppose.
Leavers Day. Skei KISSED ME and admitted he's still in love with me, just fucking up my mind EVEN MORE.
The leavers Day party... got a new smoking buddy, drank a lot, puked. Managed to sleep 12 straight hours after crying my still partially drunken self to sleep.
The guy. Stood me up. He has no chance now. Fuck him I don't deserve to be stood up with out even a text.
My exam yesterday was... okay. Had the last of my bacci yesterday (note to self: GET MOREEE) and shared around a straight fag with Manny, Tedd and Taffy.
.
I feel fat and have binged like a mother bitch today. I had a whole fucking tart. 3 bowels of rice and curry sauce. A bowel of bran flakes. And this is one of the times I wished I could purge.

I'm fasting from tomorrow onwards. I did fast walk/jog for about 20-30 minutes yesterday. Tomorrow I'm ceremonially burning my old school stuff (I AM PFFICIALLY ON STUDY LEAVE!!!!!!! YESSSS!!) With Tedd, Manny and Taffy so I'm unlikely to eat and hopefully I can pinch a few fags from them.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore... I'm shattered. I dont know why. And bollocks, I was going to have a shower an hour ago but lost track of time. Shit.
This is a crappy post.
Apologies.
But I NEEEEEEEED to shower. I might post tomorrow if I get a spare moment, if not then Friday after my Science exam.

Tarrahh!!

much love from the FATTY MCFAT KODIIIIII
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Greetigs To My Lovely Friends Who Understand Me More Than My Real Life Friends Do...

It's been too too long. I apologise. 3 months nearly, Corrr...
I had to take time for myself. I felt ashamed (as you do when you gain 20lbs in 2 months) and couldn't face coming back. I was also trying to distract myself from Skeii (Who, as it turns out, wants me back. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!).

Heres an over view.
I got with Skeii's friend, Jed. (I am changing peoples names again coz I'm annoying.)
I'm smoking A LOT. And so is Manny.
I'm cutting again. Becase I got so desperate that I decided to use a knife until I found a lose razor blade which is my best friend.
I got with some dude... cringe.
I'm hopfully gonna get with this nearly-18-year-old guy called Justin Pike.
I got 37 out of 40 marks on a Diploma project (highest in my class! SCORE!)
I've discharged myself from my out-of-school counselling today.
I'm gonna get a bonzai tree! HAHA
I'm going to Spain in the summer (Ahhhh... Lushh!)
AND.
I am nearly on study leave. (20th May)

Generally, things are better. I know I'm not over Skei but I am working through it with the help of my dearest friend Manny.
And I shit myself when I saw how many followers I now have (even though I haven't posted in forever).
FORTY! AHH!!
Made me happy.

Here's where I become honest about my weight and diet problemo.
I got to 164/165 ish lbs.
I have been starving myself (for the first time since before Christmas) for 2 days.
I'm at 158.6lbs I think?
I have a lot of updating to do, but I am happier because now I can half focus on not eating but not so much that I have to eat. I'm proud of myself today. I feel like nothing can take me down right now.

I feel... Almost Free.

I love you guys. I'm sorry for not commenting or posting or even reading.
I will read the usual lot of blogs I read as soon as I'm finished updating.

Also, If anyone wants to be an e-mail buddy in case I dissapear again, contact me at: crazyxangel@hotmail.co.uk

I feel Powerful.
x

Just itting Back, Watching My Life Crash Down... Burning...

I can see the cracks in my life being forced open with bloodstained hands. Bruised knuckles, stinging scrapes, and searing pain through out my body as I try so hard to keep my world from falling apart again.

It doesn't work.

Right now life's a bit on the poo side. Lets start with Monday. Skei has a new girlfriend. Apparently she's ugly and a slag. Aha! Me and Kitty are weirdly connecting again... I guess it's because me and Skei aren't together.
Everyone is on my side though, which is good. People think it was too soon for him to move on from our year and nearly a half relationship. Apparently he said to someone that he dumped me because he wasn't getting enough sex. Hm.
So really right now I'm rather angry. With a dollop of depressed. Bordering on mental state. But generally very very happy.
He said to me today that he and this girl just clicked, the way we apparently didn't. We were too difficult. Why does he decide to steal my words and use them against me? But the first bit upset me. So I nearly cried infront of Manny and Ted. But because Manny is so brilliant, he cheered me up. And said he's not worth it, etc. which I agree with.

I'm too good for him.

And if he has actually decided to read this then, fucking hell whatta time for you to blogger stalk me again. And right now, I HATE YOUUUUUU! :)

Oh and last weekend me and Rhii were talking about our plans on going to Australia. Yeah, gone out the window. We're putting it off for a few years. When we have money.

And about 20 minutes ago, I found out that my Dad is selling his flat and moving in with Tina. Basically fucking me over with my previous plans for college. Thanks, dick head! I shouldn't call you my Father! He's not going to (or as he says, 'cant') pay for my trip to Cornwall with the school, or a Performing Arts programme at the end of the summer holidays, which costs £800 all together which includes food and boarding. But he's going to pay £100 towards my prom dress, even though he didn't think I was going to prom. Prat.

So my life is being tipped upside down again. I'm being tested.
Thanks to the lack of money my Dad will fork over, Me and Mum are doubtfully going to France in Summer. And I was really fucking looking forward to that.

But on a lighter note. I'm a very good descriptive writer according to my English teacher. I'll post my recent homework on soon so you can have a read.

@Peri
Urm, sure. I dont know what that accent is but OKAY! I feel really bad for not commenting or whatever on your blog :( but it's nearly half term so I'll get a chance to catch up! Thanks for the monologue suggestion, I'll Google it XD
WOOHOO! I can sleep on your couch! You can sleep on mine too! But I live in the middle of no where. Maybe in a few years when I live in London ;D and It'll be a few years until I get a chance to travel to places like New Zealand. But I'll definitely take up that offer ;D
Awh I've been thinking about you too, scary huh? Hm.. by the seems of my reply we'd be better off as e-mail buddies harharr

@Everyone else. I'm going to stalk you in the half term. Expect some comments SOON!

P.S I'm going to see Justin Bieber's new film tomorrow with Manny! HARHARHARR!

You guys give me a second reason to live. I love you.
Really.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And We Go Roud In Circles... Just One Last Time We Decide To Change...

Hello again.

I have a mega humongous update of a post coming your way.

.

First, I just wanna say I was going to post last weekend. But my computer went up the spazzer and I just couldn't be arsed to fix it.

And Thank you to those of you who commented my last post, I only read them today but it made me feel better about posting now. I love you all, really, and I hope some day we all get what we want.

Oh and Peri. I'm not Scottish XD I'm English, but they're both the UK. haha x

.

First starting with my shopping trip. Brilliant. I bought 4 books, 2 manga I'd never seen before but though I'd like to read and 2 follow on books from the 'House Of Night' series. Its about vampires and whotnot.

I then got to Boots. I FINALLY BOUGHT MYSELF SOME DIET PILLS!! RESULT! And they are helping me lose a little quicker. Okay a lot quicker.

I also treated myself to a small gingerbread latte from Costa. Mmmm...

My mum was with her boyfriends family sorting out his grans place because she died recently. I picked up about 50 silk scarves and a bog wooden box to put stuff in. Its great, my diet pills live in there along with my lighters.

.

I had a college interview on Wednesday. Fuuuuuck my life I have an audition for the Performing Arts BTEC I wanna do in March... But I cant find a decent monologue. Help?

.

And one of the biggest pieces if new I have. Thursday. Be and Skei finally ended it. Dont get me wrong, I am a little sad that what we had has ended, but I refuse to cry. I've cried too much for him over the nearly a year and a half we were together. He's my friend with occasional benefits though haha! We're staying friends, and if he hasn't got a girlfriend by prom, I think I might go with him. Our relationship just didn't work. Too much stress on a couple if teenagers.

Now I'm on the rebound. I might just become a slut on a whoring spree. Pfft. Like any one's gonna want me anyway.

.

Friday evening I went round Rhii's house. I stayed over, hence the weird time I'm typing (6.49am). Because I had about half an hours sleep at hers. We talked about everything, watched girly films, ate pasta and the BEST chocolate fudge cake I've eaten in GOD KNOWS how long... and loads of popcorn haha.

Rhii's older brother came home from work at around 11, and join us watching WildChild and 17 Again. Funniest thing XD He's not bad looking, specially with his shirt off... But I didn't go all jelloid and he's off limits. My morals. Never go out with a friends brother unless your friend is okay with it. And Rhii thinks its weird and kinda harsh if a friend of hers started dating her brother.

I complained to her in the early hours of the morning when she kept dozing off to give me her friends number so I could text someone while she slept.

I had a VERY long conversation with him. Random too. The basics of the conversation: sex, threesomes, virginity, boyfriends/girlfriends, what we thought of each other, dream girl/guy, dream job. It was great! I'm keeping those texts and currently thinking of a name to give him. I met him back in November so its not just a random text to one of Rhii's friends.

Well it kinda was.

.

So I got home at 3pm. Had a shower. Ate loads. Went upstairs to read. Fell asleep. Woke up at half 5.

3 text messages.

My Gran asking if I wanted a jacket potato.

KT saying she wants to meet up in half term.

My Dad telling me he's engaged.

WHAT!

Hm. Well. I guess I'll text him when it gets to a normal time. And my Dad said he was never gonna get married again. Too much fuss, too much money.

.

Well, there's my update.

I did get up to 158lbs at one point. Now I think I'm 154 ish? I weighed myself before my shower.

I will be thin. Especially now thanks to my diet pills.

Now I'm going to take some more sleeping pills after a piece of toast, and snooze a bit longer.

.

Weirdly enough.

Life is good!

Even though my basoomas are still the size of UFOs.
.
I love you all, be happy, fuck love.
.

(I nearly crapped myself because I thought I lost my post! Phew!)
x

Confession Before A Final Perminent Turn, Hopefully For The Better...

Hey All.
Okay, the main reason I haven't been posting is that, well, I'm having a pretty shitty time in the life of Kodi.
.
Gained like a mother bitch.
155lbs.
Yes. Over 11 stone. I feel absolutely disgusting. Fatty McFatterson.
.
Yesterday I had the worst knock to my confidence I could ever imagine. Me and my mum went to look at this Prom dress shop she saw in BH. I picked 3 dresses to try on (around about size 10, I knew they wouldn't fit because I can never fit into a size 10 dress around my huge tits)...
After finding out, yep, they didn't fit, The shop assistant asked my mum if I was a size 14. A size 14. I could have cried right there in that shop. I refused to cry there though. I held it in. All the way home, even when I was getting dressed into gym gear, even most of the time I was pushing myself (harder than normal) on the treadmill... then the smallest thing pissed me off, sending me over the edge. I burst into tears on the floor next to the treadmill whist it was still going. I think I cried for a good half an hour at least. I did 0.9 miles. I got back on after my cry. I couldn't handle doing anymore so went back inside the house... where I stuffed my face with mostly bread and butter.
At this current moment in time I cannot control my binges. Although, thanks to my Green Tea habit, it doesn't seem to stay in my stomach for long.
I've been trying to get the least bit on track but It all goes arses up as soon as I get home from school. The Porridge calls to me...
.
Tomorrow I am finally starting the Ballerina diet. Minus most of the exercise.
I shall have half a grape fruit for breakfast, and apple at school, a low fat yogurt after school and a large cup of home made soup for dinner. I have to do this. I have to loose this weight for prom. Just in general I need to loose this weight before I decide I'm not gonna try anymore and do something stupid. I'm going to aim for 2 miles on P.E days, 0.5 miles on non-P.E days and as long as possible on weekends.
.
I hate being this way. I hate feeling the fat wobble as I walk.
I hate everything about me right now.
I could barley face you guys. I'm honestly scared that once you read this you'll leave me because I'm such an embarrassment to have displayed on your 'Blogs I''m Following' list.
.
I hope I can do this. Otherwise I'm going to prom in a suit.
.
Hopefully I'll post again this weekend.
I'm at my mum's boyfriend's house then because I'm going shopping on Saturday. More books you see. I've been reading a lot. I think I've done through about 3 books in a months or so? So I'm getting myself some more. And I'm looking into ordering diet pills online.
.
I wont be catching up on blogs until half term. Its easier that way because I never have free weekends anymore.
.
I love you all.
Please don't leave me? :(
x

I Think I Need To Grow Up A Little, Before I Get Involved..

School sucks. I suck. Food sucks. Starving sucks. Everything SUCKS!
.
I watched 'Black Swan' on Friday with my mum. Awkward turtle. Lesbian action, masturbation, bulimia, OCD, schizophrenia and drug abuse. Not something I'd purposely watch with my mother.
It was brilliant though.
Uber thinspiring. I googled Natalie Portman's diet to get into that sort of shape. I'm going to do that. Edited slightly. But I cant start today. None of the food on my list are in the fridge so I'm starting tomorrow. And I've been using the running machine! YES WE HAVE A RUNNING MACHINE AHH!! Honestly I've found that reading whilst walking at a reasonably fast by steady speed I can do 2 miles in 30-40 minutes. SCOREE!
.
Last week was a disaster weight wise. I'd been doing a lot of walking on the treadmill but GAINING. Which I totally didn't understand. Highest I got was nearly 153lbs. I was ready to kill myself. Now I've found I'm in the usual 147/148lbs range which has pleased me. So Starting tomorrow I'm doing the Ballerina Diet, plus weekdays, 1 mile walking and some dancing practice or general dancyness, Weekends 2 miles a day, at least and hour dance and some aerobics. Hopefully by next Monday I'll be ready to pass out.
.
I've also sorted the Skei situation once and for all. We talked at break (after my monster talk with Li about this during Maths) and we've decided its not fair on either of us that being together is so hard. We're giving it one more go for year 11 and have decided that some point in Summer, we're going to break up. Grow up a little. Five years approximately. Experiment some more, learn, live. All that milark. And we're going to stay friends over those years, then maybe we'll give us another go depending on where we both are in our lives and what we then want. So fro now, we're together. I'm happy about it. Because to be honest, I'm not sire if I want to break up with him properly now, but I'm not sure either of us are mature enough to handle this relationship yet. So all is good in that area.
.
Unfortunately. Ted has cancelled his party. His arsehole mate has forgotten the code to get into the apartment they were gonna use. Cuuuuunt.
Oh well, I'll just use this weekend for something else?
.
I bought high waisted shorts the other day. Size 8, fit my arse fine, my stomach is too massivo to do them up though. So there's my motivation.
.
There's my life updated. Haha. Like you really care ;)
I''m off to go be bored.
.
I'm obsessed with Dave The Laugh from Louise Rennison's books. He's so marvy and lush!
And a Laugh.
It is my mission in life to find him.
The real life version, not the actor in the shite film.
.
'weeks since I've seen her eat' - Too Sorry For Apologies - Breathe Again
.
Oh before I go. I keep having weird dreams abou Whitt... >.<>

Dont Flatter Yourelf Into Thinking I Would Shead This Much Blood For You..

My posing has been.. erratic. Although its disheartening that no one comments anymore.. I seem o have gotten more followers but less commenter's. I do hope you guys leave some comments, they keep me going, keep me connected.
.
He noticed. Skei noticed I'd been cutting. He said nothing, until the music was on in the car and Manny had been dropped off. He'd known the whole night. He thought they were all his fault. Dont flatter yourself darling, you dont deserve this much blood to be spilled because of you.
"Not all of them, just the deep ones" I answered. I supposed thats worse. The more superficial ones that bled but barley were the only ones I'd accidentally shown him, they barley hurt. The deep ones took a lot more anguish to make. He caused that, he feels guilty. He better. Because if he keeps blaming me for things that aren't my fault, then I'm leaving. I'm not going to be verbally abused into believing its my fault...
.
I've made a religious choice. I'm going to become a Jashinist. I got it off Naruto, Googled, found out its real. A daily sacrifice of my own blood to show Jashin I am a trustworthy follower, and to pray to him in awkward times. I'm sure this is going to be interesting.
.
I dont think I'm doing badly on the weight issue. I found this morning I was 147.6 even after me and Kayla ate shit. I think the amount of walking we did burned a lot off. And today I had a few chocolates, 2 diet cokes and a vegetarian subway. Corr, I love subway. Honestly my new favourite food. I've only got 15 days left to get to 140. I've decided to fast the rest of January away, I will keep this. I haven't got time at school to eat and I'll stay in my room doing homework, facebook, reading, sleeping whatever it takes to avoid eating. It's only 15 days.
.
My mother and I are going to see the Black Swan on Friday when its in cinemas. I think we'll also see the royal ballet of Swan Lake in London at the end of March. I saw it advertised in a magazine. I've never watched a ballet, so I think it'd be a great new experience.
.
I've got a fairly awesome hairstyle. My mum did it. Its 2 french braids from either side of my head joining together in the middle leaving my fringe out. I want to have it that way at school so I'm wearing my silk scarf on my head to see if I can actually keep my hair the way it is.
.
I'll be catching up on blogs tomorrow I guess, I got my usual Internet phobia.
Wish me luck in my Science exam.
.
'I got through this day no one saw through my games' - SuperChick - Courage

Starve Binge REPEAT, Starve Binge REPEATE, NO MORE! NO MORE!

I think I have a weight loss WALL.
.
Soon as I reach 145. I loose all control. Well After today (where I have consumed and uncomfortable amount of brown bread...) I will not do that. I've invested no money in Thinspirational songs (meaning I've been naughty and downloaded shit from youtube...), I am investing in an exercise ball to get used to, and Prom is closing in. I can not be this fat for Prom. I may have to kill myself if I am.
.
I'm also sorry I haven't been on too often. Been drowning in homework and trying to sleep. Neither are really getting done. I've also been compulsively cutting myself. I'm not sure why I am doing this, but I am. My right thigh has a pretty reasonable amount of cuts, all that have bleed. And sting in the shower. I guess right now I want to feel the pain of it. No one has a clue. Its kind of exciting in a twisted 'I'm-a-psycho-self-harmer' sort of way. I feel it all day rubbing on my school trousers, gives me something to think of when I change for P.E. I guess I needed something to distract me from exams. Relieve stress maybe? Either way.
.
I feel like a lunatic sitting in my room, on the laptop with my hair in these weird curler thingys. I've just had a shower, and am trying things out for prom. This is idea number one. Fuck knows how its gonna turn out. Hopefully nice. Other wise I'll have to think of other shit.
.
I may have to ask Skei again to buy me diet pills. I'm also not going to Ted's party this fat. I'm disgusting. Once my stomach has settled down I'm doing some exercise before I finish off my Diploma homework. Fml. So much effort just dong this shit. I might procrastinate more by looking for more thinspo music for mon Ipoddy. Yeah, I'll do that.
.
Right this is the final straw. No food what so ever. Only green tea and water. Seeing as everything else I have sets me off on a huge 'I WANT BREAD' binge. All I wanna eat is bread. Why is that!? Bread and pasta. Argh! Why cant I want celery! Or just not want ANYTHING! But anyway. I'm not eating ever again. I hate being uncomfortably full like this. Ergh.
This post is a bit rambly as well. I'm sorry my posting is getting shitter. I'm trying to save time. And get it all out in a non-purge way. Okay, maybe a purge way. I've found my laxatives so I'm about to have a little laxative party in my belly!
.
Oh my Lord, My heads not right.
Lack of Sleep.
Turrah.
.
'I Am Small' - Sia - Breathe Me
.
Oh yeah, I also hate my family. Jus' Saying.
x

Work It, Burn It, Use It, Lose It..

I'm not even going to think about what I've been doing this weekend. Not even going to go there.
.
Haven't weighed since Friday. Dont currently wanna know but I guess I'll weigh tomorrow.
.
Back to fasting. I've been horribly bad. Stupidfatuckingcowoodmonster. Adding small bits of exercise, ones to strengthen my ankles and legs, I have weedy ankles in training for Prom. Still cant find a dress, I'm gonna try and find somewhere to make it for me. Specially after trying on a dress and it being too baggy for my torso but too small for my tits. Dresses are made for fat girls with no tits. Sorry, but I am fat with huge tits, thats how it normally works folks.
.
I feel huge right now.
.
I hop I haven't gained too much, I mean school has kept me up, and so has cleaning, and cooking, and helping my Gran.
I found out my Mock exam results... I actually did better then I expected.
English Lang- C
English Lit - B
Maths - C
Science core - A!!
Science App - B
Citizenship - C
German Listening & Reading - B!!!
R.E - F... which made me LOL
.
They're only trials, I've still got the real ones to come so hopefully I'll do this well on my real ones.
.
I spoke to my mum about Paris. We've decided to go after Prom, when the weather should be nicer. So hopefully by then I'll be 126 or less! Dream come true. I'm once again determined to lose this weight and get to 140lobs by 31st January!!!!!! Yes.. I might go weigh myself after this post. I hate waiting til morning.
I'm getting my gym membership back for a month before Prom. Because my mummy is lovely and knows how important it is to look pretty at Prom. Me and KT are planning on going together (shes 2 years younger so she'd join me after school and on weekends) I think I'll go everyday to to gym before she comes out of school, do the gym for an hour or so, then meet her outside and book a class together :) I feel so cool.
.
First I must focus on loosing NOW. No more shit food, only soup if I am hungry, Maybe start walking home form the bus stop. No its too cold. Haha. Little work outs everyday for my ankles, etc. More water again, and black coffee... Damn me being so dehydrated and thinking I'm hungry.
.
Well I think I'll stop there.
Here's a really nice song my friend just linked me to...
Emma's Imagination - This Day
x

Just Breate, It's Only For A Little While, You Can Survive..

Okay, Now it's pissing it down.
.
Like all day. I was soaked and cold, I hate being both. I hate being cold. Being soaked isn't too bad when its summer and warm.
Um, moving on...
.
Do you think I could get that massage now? I could bloody well do with one! Achy bones, achy muscles. Had a shower, as usual jumped on the scales with enthusiasm (yeah fucking right) saw 144.4...
Epic.
.
5.6lbs in 4 days. I'm really focused now, just because once again I am close to being allowed to go to Paris. PARIS! But I have other things to worry about. Like my school work I still haven't done, getting my prom dress sorted and other pointless things I have to do.
.
Recently our heatings been up the arse crack (as I have probably complained about), turns out what it was doing was poisoning us, hence why my Gran was coughing so much and had to go to hospital twice. This coal ish soot is everywhere, but such a thin layer you cant tell. So my Gran's been cleaning today. I did a small bit in the kitchen. I cleaned a couple of sides, the windows and sorted out the dish washer (seeing as we literally have no cutlery to use..). It was horrible. One wipe, SHAZAM, the cleaning cloth was black. I got bored and organised some sweets. I sorted out my Gran's tin of Quality Street into colour and type and put the candy canes in a pot alternating colours. I thought it was cute. I had half a candy cane. It reminded me I dont really like candy canes. I just think they're pretty which makes me wanna eat them... damn colourings!!
My stomach is literally speaking to me. Its growing so loudly! I mean Jesus...
2 1/2 coffees. (9x2.5)
Half a candy cane.
45 minutes of circuits in P.E.
.
Thats probably why my stomach is having its own little spazm. I drank all my water for once. I think I was trying to shut it up haha, didn't work.
.
I'm honestly worried about Prom. For one, Skei is going in a kilt... I'm going to try and convince him to wear actual trousers on underneath so he looks half normal. Second, I need to talk to my mum about going over to Rhii's to get ready for prom and go with her, Jan, Lii and K in a posh car... Lastly, and the whole big fucking deal... I dont have a dress. I cant find anything I like. I've drawn what I want. Now I just need to find someone who'll make it and reasonably cheap. Or I might just cry if I cant go wearing a mildly Japanese styled prom dress. I wanna be different, and this dress would basically make it a given that I'd be the only one there dressed like that. Argh. Another thing I'm gonna have to save money for.
.
On the up side... I've been invited to Ted's 16th house party. WOO! I'm going to convince Skei to get weed (Which will be a rare thing only because this time I dont really wanna drink.. calories and the number of people there) and I'm hoping there wont be any food there... If there is I'll be busy and let it all run out. Although... Its over night.. and I dont know where my Mum put the Pro-Plus caffeine pills. Yeah I'll be taking them. I'd rather not fall asleep there... The party is near the end of my fast and would be a brilliant way to end it if I dont fuck up. I wanna get properly high this time, not just a bit giggly and starved.
.
Things are going okay for January... I'm knackered but I'll catch up on Saturday. OH! I'm seeing Russell Howard Next week! AHHH! Sorry, uber excited! I'm taking Manny and Skei coz my um got them tickets. Again, I love my mum even though she's a bit dim.
.
I also learnt how to roll a few days ago. I'm not too shabby for a beginner! Heehee the rollies are in my little 'secret' tin along with condoms and lighters. Heh heh.
.
Um there wasn't much point to this post, just a lot of random jabbering about whats going on. I've been meaning to tell you guys this shit XD
.
I'm off to go draw ^-^
.
"Sometimes You Hate The Face You See In The Mirror" - KJ 52 - Daddy's Girl

Let Me Feel The Rain, Drop On My Face, Splash On My Gasses, Soak My Shoes...

Its Been Raining...
.
Not heavily, but its still raining. I don't mind really. As long as I have a hood big enough to shield my head and my glasses then I'm fine. Even though my school shoes have holes in them and get soaked just by walking on mildly wet floor.
.
Yesterday I managed to survive on 16 calories from 2 coffees. Today I've bulked up to 583 through a large pot of soup and half a large pot of yogurt (which I classify as a liquid in my world). I was going to weigh myself this morning but it was freezing. Still is but lucky me has a fire in her room so it feels like I'm on holiday. I think I'm going to bust out my usual exercise programme for daily activity at home. Specially after nearly 600 calories, although they were all reasonable and liquid. I kinda needed to have something more than water and coffee because I felt terrible this morning, like I was going to be sick and when I ate my soup my Gran commented on how its 'good to see me eating' because I went with out yesterday, blamed on the cold. So I feel better and have my Gran off my back for another few more days. Tomorrow is another day on coffee alone, then Friday I'll have the second half of the big tub of yogurt (318) after school.
.
I guess I'll be searching for my work out list in a bit and filling in my little food diary booklet on what I've eaten, how many calories and what exercise. Yeah, I've started that this year, even though I'm useless with that shit.
.
.
I'm in need of motivation. I'm lacking because of my shite sleep.
I wanna sleep but I have things to do.
As usual.
.
"Weeks Since I've Seen Her Eat" - Too Sorry For Apologies - Breathe

Keep Strong, Hold On, You Can Do This, Just Keep Walking On...

146.4
Its funny how in one way its satisfying seeing that number pop up on the scales. However, its also not satisfying because I've seen similar numbers so many times. I'm happy I can loose 3.6lbs in 2-3 days. But I'm pissed that I have to loose it again.
.
I'm living off Black Coffee consisting of 9 calories every serving. I spent the time I had waiting for the kettle to boil to calculate that. One teaspoon of the coffee I use is 1 calorie. One teaspoon of my sweetener is 8 calories. The fact I've cut out milk and have actually come to like the bitterness of black coffee is that I am now roughly cutting out between 10 and 35 calories. Yesterday I got bored again and calculated the 3 coffees and 300ml mug of warm skimmed milk. 101 calories. I'm a good girl. *grin*
.
I also fitted in 20 crunches and reverse crunches. Just because I felt bad about not doing much recently. And today I think I'll leave it because the huge amount of dancing about I did in P.E. trying to warm up before the lesson began. Our sports hall is fucking freezing! We seriously shouldn't be allowed to be in there! We then ended up doing Basketball rather than trampolining, thank GOD! I look like a ponce on a trampoline. However, me and Li basically spent the time following our team mates around the court because they are competitive bastards and thought we were slowing them down. We'll have you know that we actually helped out in small ways, like catching it when it bounced off the basket hoop, or when it rolled off. Sure we didn't shoot, but thanks to us, we won. A lot. In the end we just stood in the middle of the court and watched as our team mates kept loosing the ball to the other team. Twats.
I did a lot of walking in general today. I got bored with people easily. Basically, at Lunch I went from the sports hall down to the bottom play ground to talk to Skei for a bit. I spoke to him about getting his ear pierced for his birthday, and told him that he could play football today as I was just gonna go talk to some of the girls. I went to find them, got distracted by Fred, Ted and Dean. Dean was gonna get his lip pierced but didn't coz he didn't have picture ID and then his mum was daft enough to accidentally throw away his money. So they entertained me for a while. I went to the common room, looked about, spoke to someone then left coz there wasn't anyone interesting to talk to. I walked back down to where Skei was, looking about for Hols. She wasn't there so I got Skei to talk to me again but let him join in for random kicks of the ball... then HOLS CAME! So I buggered off and spoke to her, let him play football.
.
See? I'm not clingy! I told Skei that I was gonna let him play football the whole of Lunch but I couldn't find anyone interesting enough to hold my attention.
.
I've moved a lot, so I'm guessing I'm back to burning somewhere along the lines of 2,000 or more calories. Plus I'm wearing more, thicker, heavier layers because its cold, and a bag of books. And I'm walking everywhere. Woohoo! I never thought I'd say I'm glad I'm back at school. I have to move. Unlike at home where I can lay in bed all day and pig out on shitee.
.
Plus, no one offers me food these days (score) dunno why. I guess they think I'll ask (like I used to) if I want any, and seeing as I'm not asking or even acknowledging the foods existence, I must not want any. But my stomachs been grumbling loudly. I need to bring water to school... I forgot today.
.
Also, I'm doing my '30 in 30' on my other blog. 'Life of a Crazy Angel' so if you wanna read the letters I'm writing (but not sending!) to people, feel free to go on there and read them. (Lol, I've finally figured out how to link stuff XD Spacko or what?!)
.
I dyed my hair purple too. Dark purple. Cant fucking tell. It looks BLACK! ARGH!
Oh well I'll leave it and see how it looks in a few weeks? Then I might dye it a brighter purple. Everyone seems to be dying their hair a bright red again! What the fuuck! I've been there and done that (so have most of this lot..) I'm not going back there until I have experimented with loads of different styles and colours. I think its boring to do the same thing twice unless you have to do it, yanno for like a job or something.
.
Well I think I'll be off. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves.
You bunch of skinny bitches ;)
x
.
'Shes Skin And Bone, Shes Beautiful No Matter What.' - Too Sorry For Apologies - Breath Again

I Wanna Be A Ninja, Defend Myself, The People I Love And Have An Amazing Body...

I feel so fat.

Okay I had a half fast today. 2 bowels of cereal and that has been it. Tomorrow I am starting the full fast of 4 weeks. From the 3rd of January to the 30th of January. I will fast. If anyone gets suspicious get out your list of excuses!! Or have soup for a few days. Operation 'FAST YOU FAT BITCH' is underway!

.

Tomorrow is my last day off school. Fuuuuck. Tomorrow I will be focusing on my English assessment and not eating. I might go for a walk too.

.

This year I'm focusing on eating better. When I do eat that is. No more animal products, just to limit my sweets more. Only cold, filtered water. No carb products i.e. rice, pasta, bread. Unless small quantity, natural healthier version. Drink more water, less juice. Rather than lattes and tea, black coffee with one tea spoon of sweetener.

.

I also want to focus on actually working out more. If I get bored of the usual bed room work outs then I could always go downstairs and do an hour long combat work out, go for a walk or go with my mum shopping more.

.

Reminds me, I need to come up with a food list of things I will always need!

.

Also, Non-weight related things I'm aiming on doing.

Finish or at least write half of one of my books I'm writing. Read the 6 books I haven't finished or started. Work harder at school and do exceedingly well. Get a job... I need the money. Go to auditions for acting roles. Submit my work to publishers etc. to try and get my career started. Basically this year is all about getting thin and starting my career.

.

I'm going to show everyone that I am talented, that I will succeed this year. I will show everyone I'm much more of a genius than they originally thought. That I am skinnier and more beautiful than I used to be.

Next year I will stand out in the sun light, a cigarette in one hand and a black coffee in the other. Glistening purple hair, glasses that make me appear intelligent, fun, stylish. Simple nail varnish, black, blue, purple, camel. Jumpers that are too big and shorts on top of tights. Boots and heels. My signature make up, dark and out standing. This is what I want to be. This year I will make this person my reality. She wont just be a pretty face, she'll have talent, an early career. She'll be a rich girl due to her own success's not her families. She'll be on stage, forcing the audience to applaud her every scene. Her thoughts will be in books, written from her own mind, making it big and selling out within weeks. She will appear on screen next to big stars and others alike. Her paintings and doodles will be worth thousands thanks to her amazing status. Designers and companies will want her to model their products. She will be thin. The envy of everyone.

That is what I want.

.

So there's my aim for this year, to get to that status in the next couple of years, or get closer to my goals.

I apologise about yesterdays post. It was utterly retarded and made no sense. I was distracted and still mildly high when I wrote it. Now I'm off to go write some more Naruto Fanfiction.

.

I wanna be a Ninja, Naruto makes it look like so much fun.

And all of them are skinny.

.

'She Tries Harder Than The Average Teen, An Over-Achiever With Low Self Esteem, Wants To Walk Like A Star, But She Takes It Too Far.' - Rachel Ferguson - Never Good Enough

Fuck This Fuck That Fuck You FUCK EVERYTHINGG!!

As you might be able to tell, I've had a huuge 'fuck it' day.
Just to remind me of why I want to lose weight and avoid eating.
.
(seeing as I'm prone to binging like a mother fucker when given the opportunity and food...)
So basically. I'm bloated. Feel sick, etc.
.
But I dont care, because tomorrow I'm starting OPERATION 'FAST UNTIL YOU DIE YOU FAT BITCH'... I might need to come up with a shorter name for that XD but this whole binging day started when I got high last night (naughty girrrrl XD) and apparently, I get serious munchies. And giggle fits. And talk utter bollocks. Tbh, I dont see the huuger deal about getting high... I'd rather get completely wasted coz that has more of an effect on me, and has the same effect when I wake up the next day. And being drunk drives me AWAY from food because of my phobia of being sick whilst drunk.
.
I've totally rambled on. What was the point in this again?
.
Well, tomorrow until the end of the month I'm fasting. I refuse to eat solid food after today because well I feel foul. I feel like Choji from Naruto. So I am far more determined to lose lose LOSE this year! YEAH THIS IS MY YEAR! :)
126lbs here I come. If I reach that before the end of the year I'm lowering it to 118.
(I'm probably back up to 150/149 but I dont care right now, I'm gonna make up for it!)
.
I hope you all had brilliant New Years Eves ;)
Mine was okay... I wish I went to a house party for people MY age.
and not Gaz's place with his family. Doesn't help he was avoiding me and Skei and that I was the only person our age dressed up. Always me the odd one.
.
I may smoke s'more weed tomorrow and actually put into place 'NO MUNCHIES' now to train myself for future highness. Thats my main goal of this first month.
Train myself.
Get down to 135-140 lbs.
Exercise everyday.
.
I'm sorry this doesn't make much sense... Skei is next to me and we're watching Naruto... so my brain ain't quite working right.
.
I lave you :3
.
'I CAN SMOKE CIGARETTES' - 3OH!3 - I Can Do Anything