Friday, 11 November 2011

I Just Want To Disappear.

I think as we get further and further into the winter months, the more depressed I get.
I want to lose weight, but when I'm depressed I eat. And I'm tired. Too tired to exert anymore energy than necessary. I'm dropping an A level in Psychology because every time I enter that room I want to commit suicide, and I haven't got the brain power for something so academic.

I just feel ill. Constantly.
Trying to eat like a 'normal' human. All I feel is guilty because now people are telling me I shouldn't eat that or that much. Like I'm about to listen. My secret snacking is a problem. I'm not trying too hard to hide it, I don't need to, no ones ever around anymore.

I really need to get a grip.

My eating is one major affecter to my mood.

Normal. Think normal.

It doesn't help I feel alone, unloved, unwanted. No one's here for me anymore. Zane. That's about it, really. Ever since Grace said we were't close enough for her to tell me something cringey, I've not thought of her as a go to person, even though she noticed when I started cutting with my razor again.
I've still lost my razor. So I've nicked a kitchen knife.

I just feel sad, and pathetic, and alone.
Some one save me.

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