Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Confession Before A Final Perminent Turn, Hopefully For The Better...

Hey All.
Okay, the main reason I haven't been posting is that, well, I'm having a pretty shitty time in the life of Kodi.
Gained like a mother bitch.
Yes. Over 11 stone. I feel absolutely disgusting. Fatty McFatterson.
Yesterday I had the worst knock to my confidence I could ever imagine. Me and my mum went to look at this Prom dress shop she saw in BH. I picked 3 dresses to try on (around about size 10, I knew they wouldn't fit because I can never fit into a size 10 dress around my huge tits)...
After finding out, yep, they didn't fit, The shop assistant asked my mum if I was a size 14. A size 14. I could have cried right there in that shop. I refused to cry there though. I held it in. All the way home, even when I was getting dressed into gym gear, even most of the time I was pushing myself (harder than normal) on the treadmill... then the smallest thing pissed me off, sending me over the edge. I burst into tears on the floor next to the treadmill whist it was still going. I think I cried for a good half an hour at least. I did 0.9 miles. I got back on after my cry. I couldn't handle doing anymore so went back inside the house... where I stuffed my face with mostly bread and butter.
At this current moment in time I cannot control my binges. Although, thanks to my Green Tea habit, it doesn't seem to stay in my stomach for long.
I've been trying to get the least bit on track but It all goes arses up as soon as I get home from school. The Porridge calls to me...
Tomorrow I am finally starting the Ballerina diet. Minus most of the exercise.
I shall have half a grape fruit for breakfast, and apple at school, a low fat yogurt after school and a large cup of home made soup for dinner. I have to do this. I have to loose this weight for prom. Just in general I need to loose this weight before I decide I'm not gonna try anymore and do something stupid. I'm going to aim for 2 miles on P.E days, 0.5 miles on non-P.E days and as long as possible on weekends.
I hate being this way. I hate feeling the fat wobble as I walk.
I hate everything about me right now.
I could barley face you guys. I'm honestly scared that once you read this you'll leave me because I'm such an embarrassment to have displayed on your 'Blogs I''m Following' list.
I hope I can do this. Otherwise I'm going to prom in a suit.
Hopefully I'll post again this weekend.
I'm at my mum's boyfriend's house then because I'm going shopping on Saturday. More books you see. I've been reading a lot. I think I've done through about 3 books in a months or so? So I'm getting myself some more. And I'm looking into ordering diet pills online.
I wont be catching up on blogs until half term. Its easier that way because I never have free weekends anymore.
I love you all.
Please don't leave me? :(


  1. Aww darling, what happened is terrible! But I think big boobs are great to be honest.. But anyways, I think its very brave of you to continue posting even though you're feeling a bit down. I mean, that's what we're here for! To celebrate your successes and to help you through the dark times :) I wont leave you! And I doubt anybody else will. You're much better than me, I tend to not post when I let myself down.. Which is silly because then I dont get encouraging posts when I need them the most. You're truly great and I hope everything works out for the best. Just keep working your ass off. The only person who ever stands in the way of our goals is ourselves. You can do it lovely! :)

    P.S LOVE YOU!!

  2. I could never leave you. :)

    I'm so sorry about the weight gain, the rude lady in the shop, and all the other stress you seem to be under.

    Just remember, your "trip to perfection" is just that: a trip. It's not a magic button. It takes time and lots of little victories. Start your first little victory NOW.


  3. I'll NEVER leave you!

    You're my friend, and you're my family, are you not? Mah Scottish sister who is fucking AWESOME!!

    So, books you say? What genre do you like?

    I'm working my way back down after uncontrollable moving-house binges. Aiming to lose .5kg/week ('Healthy') so my body doesn't freak out and do weird yo-yo metabolism things.

    Have fun book shopping, I'm so jealous! <3