Friday, 25 November 2011

Update for last Wednesday

I did do this, I just haven't had the time to update it on here.
so here are the scores...

Weight: 164.4 lbs
Underbust (right by the underwire of bra) : 34”
Fat roll under under bust (or ribs, whichever) : 35”
‘waist’ : 33.25”
‘hips’ : 39.25”
weird hip/bum/thigh thing : 39.5”
fattest part of one thigh : 22.75”

This is pretty sick in a week! I'm gonna eat even healthier coz I think I might have slipped up a little and I'm stressed that I might have gained. I'm gonna weigh myself tomorrow morning. I'm still on my diet pills and I guess I'm walking a lot and moving a lot. Especially in Performing arts BTEC, coz my character is enthusiastic and I actually jog in. AND our Mask piece is based around an aerobics class and we've done bits of routines. That kill me when I'm dressed in my everyday clothes. 

Fingers crossed. 

Tuesday, 22 November 2011


Right. I've dropped 5.2 lbs since last Wednesday, but I have a really bad feeling about today that I'm going to gain or something.
I'm so proud of myself that I've managed to lose so match with, reasonably, little effort. Although this next week, starting on my update day, I think I'll bump up the exercise. I may even convince Grace to take me clubbing with her. Although it may be a Tranny bar, but hey, they more dancing the better!

So on my Tumblr blog, I've asked my followers and whoever else to send me messages (which are depicted on a post) so I'll do some exercise. Coz I feel mega guilty for some reason.

I think tomorrow I'll skip breakfast, lunch and have a small dinner of soup then that will be it, to kick start week 2.

I may even log on to Pretty Thin again to find some workouts to do...
Or use some old one's I printed months ago.

hopefully, I'm still losing.

Friday, 18 November 2011

I'm Eating like A Normal person!!

Yesterday I ate like a normal person. Sort of. 

I didn't eat until I got home, which was possibly... 3pm ish?
I went to town after college so I did plenty of walking looking for this stupid secret santa present. 
When I got home I had a packet of mini rice cakes (sour cream and onion, 94cals) then 3 plain rice cakes (29cal per rice cake) then I dozed off watching a film. Had dinner (pasta with vegetables and philidelphia for source.) and a little packet of mini chedders when I woke up. AND I actually ate a slice of chocolate fudge cake! :O 

And well, guess what.
I weighed myself this morning...
I've lost! 

Today though, so far..Plus today I had a small (for me, so probably what normal people have) bowl of cereal when I woke up. Crunchy nut with chocolate bits. I could be healthier but I’m proud of how I’m doing at the moment. Then I got home around 2.30pm had 2 peanut butter and jam sandwiches and 2 pieces of toast with honey, and a lot of skimmed milk.

I’m not planning on eating until at least dinner. And no pudding today!

I'm hoping not to eat tomorrow because I'm uber busy and I might be going to a bonfire with Zane :)
But I'm testing out this 21 days thing. I'm going to try to eat 'normally' or less for 21 days then after that will be restricting for 21 days. It's all to change habits because I need to break some really bad ones. 

But that's about it today.
Tatty bye ;)

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Photo Progress 1

Weight: 169.8lbs (FML)
Underbust (right by the underwire of bra) : 35"
Fat roll under under bust (or ribs, whichever) : 36.5"
'waist' : 35.75"
'hips' : 40.25"
weird hip/bum/thigh thing : 39.5"
fattest part of one thigh : 23.75"

Depending on how well I do I'll either update this weekly or monthly. So weekly would be every Wednesday night. Monthly would be every 4 weeks on a Wednesday.

Wish me luck, or I may become suicidal if I don't do this.

I can do this.
I want to lose weight.
I'm 100% committed to this.
I want to feel better about myself, have more confidence and finally feel 'pretty'. I also don't want the fatty-boom-boom health issues.
I can do this.
I will do this.
I want to lose weight.

21 Days.

It takes 21 days to break a habit.
21 days I need to stop binging.
21 days I need to restrict and fast.
21 days until this gets easier.

Today didn't go as planned. I fasted until around 5pm. Got home from college, was going to stop at the one packet of rice cakes (94cals) but carried on with some full sized cheese rice cakes (38 per rice cake). Then I had a few glasses of milk, followed by dinner of pasta and philidelphia cheese and veggies. Then 3 packets of 2 fox's biscuits. then 3 pieces of cake. More milk.

Tomorrow I will succeed and not sit in the living room. I think thats where I'm going wrong. The living room is more tempting than my bed room with a T.V, Laptop, music... etc.

I'm currently going to focus on this for 21 days to see if I can actually break my binging habit and start a new one of, well, not eating.

I can do this.
I want to lose weight.
I'm 100% committed. 
I will succeed.

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

It's time I Get Motivated.


Fuck my life. I did the calculations months ago that if I managed a 2000 deficit for 6 weeks, I can get down to 146lbs by the 21st if I start tomorrow. So I'll have to decide on one thing to eat everyday. Probably fruit (a banana would be best to help with energy). 
I know I weighed myself at the end of my day which can amount up to 5 lbs extra weight, but I'm going to see it as it is now. So I might actually get my arse moving! I'm desperate to get my 3rd lobe piercings done but it's one of my goal rewards. So I'll have to work hard to get down to 147 lbs if I want them done. i've managed to gain about 8 lbs in a month. LESS than a month. How do I manage that, seriously? 

Tomorrow my mission begins. 2000 forever. 

I've been in such a shitty mood that I've been eating out of boredom and depression. I've been googling treatments to try to solve that pattern of eating and I'm trying out hypnosis videos on youtube (hey, it doesn't hurt to try... unless some tosser makes a joke one and then the girl from the ring pops up whilst you watch it in the middle of the night.) and I'm keeping my eyes open for cheap dance classes. But I'm going to change my eating patterns to not eating out of depression. I'd rather be a starver than a binger for emotions any day. 

So I'm off to go watch some lovely, calming hypnosis videos. 
Let's hope they work. 

'I'm sexy and I know it' - LMFAO

Friday, 11 November 2011

I Just Want To Disappear.

I think as we get further and further into the winter months, the more depressed I get.
I want to lose weight, but when I'm depressed I eat. And I'm tired. Too tired to exert anymore energy than necessary. I'm dropping an A level in Psychology because every time I enter that room I want to commit suicide, and I haven't got the brain power for something so academic.

I just feel ill. Constantly.
Trying to eat like a 'normal' human. All I feel is guilty because now people are telling me I shouldn't eat that or that much. Like I'm about to listen. My secret snacking is a problem. I'm not trying too hard to hide it, I don't need to, no ones ever around anymore.

I really need to get a grip.

My eating is one major affecter to my mood.

Normal. Think normal.

It doesn't help I feel alone, unloved, unwanted. No one's here for me anymore. Zane. That's about it, really. Ever since Grace said we were't close enough for her to tell me something cringey, I've not thought of her as a go to person, even though she noticed when I started cutting with my razor again.
I've still lost my razor. So I've nicked a kitchen knife.

I just feel sad, and pathetic, and alone.
Some one save me.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

I'm Sick Sick SICK Of This!!

All I do is bingebingeBINGE!!

I'm ill. I can't stop EATING. I can't even make it 'normal'. All I want to do is collapse in my bed and pass out for the next few weeks. That'd be an easy fast. 10lbs dropped easy.
I've not looked at the scales.

I started the pill close to 3 weeks ago to TRY TO CONTROL MY PERIODS, but I'm still taking them this week yet... I have a period. Nothing in my life makes sense (and that includes my laptop..).
Back to the main point.
I can't even get an accurate weigh in this week because of my period. But I may weigh myself tomorrow and get the horror over with. Either way I'm obviously 164 or over. Just 4 pounds away from 12 STONE! I'd rather kill myself than be 12 stone. My mum is (unfortunately) 12 stone or more, and she's only 5'4". Although my friends still think she's pretty, which gives me some hope. That I might be able to pull off 13 stone at the age of 38 (nearly 9).
I need to stop eating so much. I've decided I'm liquid fasting. I'm not counting the calories coz I need to shrink my stomach first. I'll try to drink more water, I'll try to move more. Little by little. Otherwise, i cannot do this.

My mum bought exercise DVDs by the Strictly Come Dancing women. Bless. I may have to join her, motivate each other. I don't like my mum weighing more than me, hell I don't want her to weigh what I weigh! It makes me worried for her, me and my Gran (who is no longer her old size 10 self since her hip replacement). All our health problems will only get worse. If I keep gaining, I will eventually have enough and kill myself, that's how much this effects me. And I can't even cut anymore because my razor has gone missing. Coz my mum cleaned my room when I was away. (FML)

I've confessed to my mum that I physically cannot control my eating. I eat when I'm bored/stressed/depressed/upset/want to be social/because I can. I rarely eat to live these days. I had 3 slices of white toast with beans and cheese on it about 2-3 hours ago and I'm still ill and bloated from it!
I feel disgusting.

Sometimes I wish I was a puker, rather than someone who swaps and switches with the click of a