It's not going well...

I can't seem to stick to any diet or fasting ritual I've ever done before. Fuck my life.
I remembered a teacher at my Diploma (Who, admittably, I didn't like) telling us about 'Breatharianism', as her mother-in-law was a Breatharian. Well I did some research (And printed well over 13 pages worth of stuff) and Have decided to give this a try.

I am a Breatharian!
But I'm keeping it quiet. People thought I was weird enough for being Vegan (which did not go at all to plan) imagine what people would say when I say 'I live off Air, Light and the Universe'...
They'd send be straight back into CAMHS.

I'm also going to try and get on the tread mill more often. I'm bordering on 160lbs again (and that was a few days ago at the beginning of my binge.) and I don't like seeing it. I don't like feeling my tighs and belly jiggle when I walk. Seeing as I don't go to school at the moment except for exams I should find exercise easy to fit into my life now. Wrong. But I have been going out a lot and walking basically everywhere, which (If I can stop fucking eating) will make me skinny.

Prom is about a month away.
ONE MONTH to at least begin to fix this mess I've made of myself. Then another month to make me skinny for my Drama course. Sharing a mini-apartment with 4 other girls, I may kill myself if I'm not skinny.

My mum's having a BBQ at the moment. I'm being anti-social as I don't know or want to know anyone outside. And I'm tired. And the weather is shit. Quelle Suprise.

I'm also looking into Gym classes at the local Health Centre. For the days I don't leave the house, this would be good. I find classes more motivating anyway... I can't exercise on my own anymore unless I'm in a blazing mood.

This was my fitness and diet update really... No social life crept in this post! XD
If a certain someone doesn't see me tomorrow then I'll post (maybe), if he does... I'll post later (maybe).
I'm unreliable.
I hope you're all doing well. I still haven't caught up :/ I will get round to it sometime!!

Stay strong everyone!
Sending out virtual luuuurve <3
Kodii
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Starve Binge REPEAT, Starve Binge REPEATE, NO MORE! NO MORE!

I think I have a weight loss WALL.
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Soon as I reach 145. I loose all control. Well After today (where I have consumed and uncomfortable amount of brown bread...) I will not do that. I've invested no money in Thinspirational songs (meaning I've been naughty and downloaded shit from youtube...), I am investing in an exercise ball to get used to, and Prom is closing in. I can not be this fat for Prom. I may have to kill myself if I am.
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I'm also sorry I haven't been on too often. Been drowning in homework and trying to sleep. Neither are really getting done. I've also been compulsively cutting myself. I'm not sure why I am doing this, but I am. My right thigh has a pretty reasonable amount of cuts, all that have bleed. And sting in the shower. I guess right now I want to feel the pain of it. No one has a clue. Its kind of exciting in a twisted 'I'm-a-psycho-self-harmer' sort of way. I feel it all day rubbing on my school trousers, gives me something to think of when I change for P.E. I guess I needed something to distract me from exams. Relieve stress maybe? Either way.
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I feel like a lunatic sitting in my room, on the laptop with my hair in these weird curler thingys. I've just had a shower, and am trying things out for prom. This is idea number one. Fuck knows how its gonna turn out. Hopefully nice. Other wise I'll have to think of other shit.
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I may have to ask Skei again to buy me diet pills. I'm also not going to Ted's party this fat. I'm disgusting. Once my stomach has settled down I'm doing some exercise before I finish off my Diploma homework. Fml. So much effort just dong this shit. I might procrastinate more by looking for more thinspo music for mon Ipoddy. Yeah, I'll do that.
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Right this is the final straw. No food what so ever. Only green tea and water. Seeing as everything else I have sets me off on a huge 'I WANT BREAD' binge. All I wanna eat is bread. Why is that!? Bread and pasta. Argh! Why cant I want celery! Or just not want ANYTHING! But anyway. I'm not eating ever again. I hate being uncomfortably full like this. Ergh.
This post is a bit rambly as well. I'm sorry my posting is getting shitter. I'm trying to save time. And get it all out in a non-purge way. Okay, maybe a purge way. I've found my laxatives so I'm about to have a little laxative party in my belly!
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Oh my Lord, My heads not right.
Lack of Sleep.
Turrah.
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'I Am Small' - Sia - Breathe Me
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Oh yeah, I also hate my family. Jus' Saying.
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