'The Only Exception'

Tis My Birthday today.

But heres my problem.

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I told Skei the truth, I got with B.

Now?

He's not sure he loves me, and isn't going to give me the album he was working on for me.

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Brilliant, right?

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Well now? Yes, what am I going to do?

Well.

I'm not a good guitarist, I can read tabs but thats about it. I'm going to attempt to learn 'our song' in a week. I shall give up every picture I've ever drawn of us, and two canvuses with my 'art' of our relationship on.

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You think this will work?

Because I have absolutely no idea.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yz8uvwzHtxk

Achh, Ashamed At My Own Desision

This is so not fair.
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WARNING!
I am about to whine about me being stupid.
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Me and Skei are on a break. -.- I told him we needed to talk, and I said that I've found the recent few weeks quite difficult for us. And I gave him three options to think about.
1) stay together and try harder
2) go on a break, sort our selves out a little, and get back together after a few weeks.
3) just break up.
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He thought about it for 2 lessons and we talked about it for most of Lunch break.
2-3 weeks of:
no kissing, holding hands, hugging or saying I love you.
being able to pull whoever I want (likely NO ONE)
No sex with anyone (and I told him to not pull anyone either... Or I may have to, yanno, Die?)
.
And guess what.
I FUCKING MISS HIM ALREADY!
But I know if I beg him to get back with me, then I'll regret it and want some time again.
But I had this thought...
If we did 'break' for 2 weeks, then maybe we could start our relationship again, slowly, with dates. Coz all we seem to do now is sleep at my house and go to school.
Which is why I'm confused as to whether I love him anymore.
And I scoffed 3 mars bars, about 5 table spoons of potatoe salad (not too fatty though actually) and some houmous with celery. And special K.
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Right. So I've been SO tempted to call him and say 'FUCK IT I LOVE YOU' But I know thats not a good idea.
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Oh and thank you for lovely comments :)
My Therapist made me nearly cry -.-
(I was talking about 'Daddy' issues)
And Peri~ I actually did know about the whole muscle thing, but thanks for confirming that IT IS TRUE :)
And thanks FBallerina, I was going to but didn't and ended up doing running in my P.E. lesson today.
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I have a feeling I'm going to have a late night cry :/
Ah Well.
I'll beg a friend of mine to set me up with some sexy guy (lol, yeah right!)
I love you all
You're lovely.
Apologies for crappy rant btw
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Yo Mother FUCKERRR I'm Gonna Be Ripped Blud!"

Ahhh... Right I dont know where this blog is going but hey, We'll see aye?

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I had a dance audition yesterday.

About 3 hours of dance.

I can feel it in my thighs.

Kinda my arse too...

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My arms haven't gotten smaller.

I can feel a bit more muscle though...

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My birthday Is about 2 weeks away...

I dont have to time to be turning 16.

Or having a party.

My Gran is going to book an appointment or something at a spa for us in the half term as my birthday present.

Opting for the ditoxifying kelp/seaweed wrap type thing...

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I ache. Alot.

Can barley breathe because of the pain in the back of my ribs.

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I dont know if I've lost anymore weight.

Doubt it.

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I have a audition for the school Christmas show.

I should be learning a song for it, but cba.

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I've just realised this is a very mono-toned list of things.

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I am actually sleeping, its not as broken up, but I'm now waking up at 4 in the morning and falling asleep again.

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I've tried to do 10 starjumps every morning to up my motabollism...

Didn't do it today.

I've only had a bowel of yogurt and a cup of coffee.

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I'm debating the pros and cons of being with Skei.

We've both got doubts that we'll last.

I'm going to find this decision hard.

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.

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Fucks sake.

I may have to take some time?

Little Rant From G

Hello, this is G.
Kodii's other personality.
Yes I am a guy.
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I have to rant right now before I attempt to kill Skei or hurt this body.
Right, I'm seriously gonna start head butting things if Skei doesn't listen to me and keeps going on and on about being a fuck up. Yes, fucking well done you're a fuck up. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
He fucking says he's had the money and ideas to make things up to Kodii but he goes and spends it on drugs coz he's scared she wont like it. Aren't relationships all about taking chances and trying your hardest to show how you feel? He just hurts Kodii more by taking all these fucking drugs, trying to hide it, then Kodi either finds out or he accidently tells her.
Heres a few promises he's made to her.
-Stop smoking
-stop drugs
-stop cutting
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And guess what, he still does them all but has cut back on cutting. then he threatens me that if I touch him again he's going to break my neck. Haha, brilliant, trying to get back at me when I'm defending his girlfriend and I'm actually in her fucking body. Brilliant, brilliant threat right there.
And he decides that we dont love them. Obviously I do since I uh fucking proposed to one of Skei's other personalities! Obviously Kodii does seeing as she uh, gave him her virginity, draw things for him every few weeks, tries to celebrate every month anaversary... you get the idea.
And now with him saying shit like this, Kodii wants to kill herself. Again. You know, three times she's been talking to him in the process of killing herself. Every time she;s stopped short of it just to apologise to him for everything she's done.
My God.
She's managed to stop cutting herself for a few months now and is screaming at me to end it for her (I'm not going to just so you know.) And now I have a feeling Skei is SLEEPING in HER BED.
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He hasn't spoken for a good hour now so I'm guessing he has.
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My list of today is
3 things you hate the most.
1 technically not exhisting
2 only exhisting in Kodii's body and mind
3 The way Kodii is treated by, I dunno, fucking everybody?
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Thank you for letting me rant, hopefully next time Kodii will be back to post.
If not, Either me (G), Syke or Ana will post and tell you how she is and whotnot.
Fucking good bye.
Cross your fingers I dont kill anybody!
x

I'm Back Petite Uhm... Compain! [48]

Oh My Gawd.
I'm back!
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Busy Busy weekend :3
for once.
OMG I'M POPULAR! Well not really, I only saw 3 people. But hey at least I saw some people! Now I feel all gross and in dying need of a LONG COLD SHOWER.
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Right heres the basics.
I went over Manny's housee :D we went up the shopp... I had an icecream >.< and bought two coke zeros <3
Then Skei turned up like 2/3 hours later. We stay over Manny's after managing to sweet talk Manny's mum and get passed my mums HUGE mood with me for not texting earlier...
The next day We all went up the shop again but this time Joe came along after he got pissed the night before (pfft, I never get pissed. I have no life) had another fucking ice cream aaaand some of Manny's milkshake.
Theeeeennn Manny got his sister to take me and Skei back to my housee and we yeah, he stayed over.
In fact he just left thanks to his fucker of a dad. I dont like his dad. A coke addict, and I dont mean the beverage coke. Yeah full on COCAINE.
Yes well because of the heat I'm sure I've woken up in a different country. STILL haven't tanned my legs, fucking sun, and am becoming more and more tempted to start going for walks again and tae regular cold showers. OMG I might take one everyday which will burn calories and make me skinny! XD Okay, Plan.
As soon as I've finished this post I'm going for a cold shower for about... 30-40 minutes. Plus mayyyybeeee 20 more minutes to wash my hair? I'll just time an hour XD
for every degree my temperature goes down I burn 200 cals... How the fuck am I going to measure the temperature of a shower?
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But the main point here is I haven't done my English for tomorrow, I've eaten badly and only have 3 days to lose 3 pounds. Three day fast it is!
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3 day fast
cold showers
If I must eat, have an apple.
Exercise. I don't care if I'm not supposed to! I WILL!
And clean my room. Its a tip.
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There's my weekend update!
Oh and surprisingly I haven't gained from my bingey fest weekend!
WOOP
Iloveyouu<3
x
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P.S Spell checker. GO FUCK YOURSELF!!

[38]

I have no social life.
My fucking life is full of obsession.
I have no fucking friends I want to see outside of school.
I have no one I honestly want to see.
I am still not losing fucking weight.
I'm still a pig. Obese. Grotesque.
I'm failing at being a perfectionist.
I'm going to fail my exams.
I'm horribly stressed.
And Dean keeps shoving fucking food in my face!
Fuck. Me.
x