that's all i have to say. Shit.
yesterday Skei didn't turn up, sending me into breakdown and making me less likely too eat.
at least something good came from it.
then he was on IM and told me he drugged himself up the whole weekend because of the voices and cut himself. fantastic.
3 promises broken in one weekend. fucks sake.
I'm in a better place about it though because of my dream last night. too weird and complicated to explain. maybe some other time. but the thing is, it seems hes allowed to break any promise we have and I'm not allowed to break any. I've broken one. i cut myself.
i did so last night as well. the one on my stomach bled the most. hes a hard core cutter, he cuts enough for them to bleed like fuck. i thought he was stronger tan that. but right now.
all I'm going to ask him, is to not do it again.
it hurt so bad when he told me. sometimes i wish i could break a few promises to show him what its like. how it feels.
but thanks to my dream last night I've realised how much i really do love him. and right now. i need him. even if he did make my third alter. write about him later too.
good thing is, I've only eaten a bowel of cereal and 2 custard creams. and I'm not about to eat any time soon. now i have a reason. I'd rather get shoved into a mental health centre than lose my dog but since its happening, probably should take advantage of it. :[ life sucks when you're me.
and my waist to hip ratio is really bad. its like 0.85 or 8.5 what ever the measuring thing is.
i hardly ever get anything my way anymore.
got out of school though. for today. and i figure drinking lots of juice cleans out your colon? I'll google it later.
tonight i may hurt myself some more. I've broke out in a rage and punched myself for being so useless.
i must say, Skei seems to forget i have voices too. he has a way to block them out, i don't.
difficult relationship i have. but I've found ways to make my feel and re-realise how much i love him. aha secret ;]
well that's about all on this front... I'll post on my day-to-day blog about Sparkie and if Skei calls me like i asked...
Have a good day