Tuesday, 3 August 2010

'I'm Never Good Enough'

I'm Not.
I never will be.
You don't love me anymore.
You cant even call me when you promised.
I'm so imperfect.
And full of self loathing.
I'm filled with hatred for myself.

Because I'm not perfect.

My thighs still touch,
My stomach overhangs my jeans.
My ribs are too scared to show themselves to the world.
My hips wobble.
My arms have wings.
I even hate my voice,
When I sing.
I pretend I'm happy.
I hate my face.
My nose is big.
My mouth is small.
I hate that I don't feel tall.

I hate that even though I fake I'm okay,
Everyone sees my non existent self-esteem.

But no one tries to say,
'Its okay, my angel,
It will get better,
I'll always be here.'
Just like a love letter.

One word fills me with anger.
That word eats at me.

People lie to me, tell me I'm pretty, I'm skinny.
They want to see me fail.
I know it.
But it's not gonna stop me.

I wont stop hurting.
I'll keep on torturing myself.
I'll forever ignore your 'compliments'
Because I know they aren't true.
It doesn't matter anymore.
Because You don't love me enough to call.
You weakly tell me I'm beautiful.
Tell me you can see my ribs.
Well it's just fat, and fibs.

I'm locked in side your cage.
Like a little canary bird.
Forced to sing for you all alone.
Until you get away from me.
Free from my moans.

I hate that you affect me so.
I feel like I'm dying.
Slowly. Slowly and painfully.

Nothing works.
Not even the razor you gave me.
No blood.
Not even a scratch.
Please hurt me enough,
To set me free.
I gave you what you wanted.
You don't even seem to care,
or listen, no effort put in.
Not mustered up for one little thing.

Why do we carry on?
Pretending that we're in love?
When everything we do,
Together or apart,
We see the difficulty,
It just breaks our hearts.
My Depressing Poem.
Feel free to commet.


  1. 'Its okay, my angel,
    It will get better,
    I'll always be here.'

  2. That is really heart-breakingly beautiful. I can't promise you that everything will be wonderful soon. But every day try to find one nice thing in the world around you and focus on it for a moment. Stars, the moon, a fluffy cloud, the sound of rain. (you get the idea).
    That way you will at least have some beauty in your life. I'm sure you're not as hideous as you feel. I KNOW you're not as hideous as you feel. It's just a feeling. It's not truth. (part of my therapy is trying to learn that thoughts are just thoughts. They aren't truth, it's just my brain doing what it is supposed to do= think. Because you FEEL hideous doesnt = you ARE.)
    I sound weird and creepy but I just feel your pain too. I've been there. Often I AM STILL there. But some days are tolerable. And it's taken work to get here. You can do it too.