154.6

Right. I've dropped 5.2 lbs since last Wednesday, but I have a really bad feeling about today that I'm going to gain or something.
I'm so proud of myself that I've managed to lose so match with, reasonably, little effort. Although this next week, starting on my update day, I think I'll bump up the exercise. I may even convince Grace to take me clubbing with her. Although it may be a Tranny bar, but hey, they more dancing the better!

So on my Tumblr blog, I've asked my followers and whoever else to send me messages (which are depicted on a post) so I'll do some exercise. Coz I feel mega guilty for some reason.

I think tomorrow I'll skip breakfast, lunch and have a small dinner of soup then that will be it, to kick start week 2.

I may even log on to Pretty Thin again to find some workouts to do...
Or use some old one's I printed months ago.

hopefully, I'm still losing.

<3

It's not going well...

I can't seem to stick to any diet or fasting ritual I've ever done before. Fuck my life.
I remembered a teacher at my Diploma (Who, admittably, I didn't like) telling us about 'Breatharianism', as her mother-in-law was a Breatharian. Well I did some research (And printed well over 13 pages worth of stuff) and Have decided to give this a try.

I am a Breatharian!
But I'm keeping it quiet. People thought I was weird enough for being Vegan (which did not go at all to plan) imagine what people would say when I say 'I live off Air, Light and the Universe'...
They'd send be straight back into CAMHS.

I'm also going to try and get on the tread mill more often. I'm bordering on 160lbs again (and that was a few days ago at the beginning of my binge.) and I don't like seeing it. I don't like feeling my tighs and belly jiggle when I walk. Seeing as I don't go to school at the moment except for exams I should find exercise easy to fit into my life now. Wrong. But I have been going out a lot and walking basically everywhere, which (If I can stop fucking eating) will make me skinny.

Prom is about a month away.
ONE MONTH to at least begin to fix this mess I've made of myself. Then another month to make me skinny for my Drama course. Sharing a mini-apartment with 4 other girls, I may kill myself if I'm not skinny.

My mum's having a BBQ at the moment. I'm being anti-social as I don't know or want to know anyone outside. And I'm tired. And the weather is shit. Quelle Suprise.

I'm also looking into Gym classes at the local Health Centre. For the days I don't leave the house, this would be good. I find classes more motivating anyway... I can't exercise on my own anymore unless I'm in a blazing mood.

This was my fitness and diet update really... No social life crept in this post! XD
If a certain someone doesn't see me tomorrow then I'll post (maybe), if he does... I'll post later (maybe).
I'm unreliable.
I hope you're all doing well. I still haven't caught up :/ I will get round to it sometime!!

Stay strong everyone!
Sending out virtual luuuurve <3
Kodii
x

Put On Your Army Boots, Lets Take On The World.

Hello All.
First I just wanted to marvel at the fact that... I'm an inspiration?
Thank you @Zette for saying this. You have NO IDEA how much that meant to me! Really, made my evening. And I'm so glad that I still have followers who've patiently waited for me over however long it took me to get my head in a better place. It means a lot that you're all glad I'm back!
@BelleRina. Obviously you can do it if you really want to! Don't let one little hiccup get you down (figures, after my 2 days of no food at all I had a MAHUSIVE binge, luckily I only gained about half a pound XD Not sure how that works) I'm going to start my fats again either tomorrow or Saturday, so you can do it too!
@Lilah Lee. I know how you feel! Its horrible, but it seems like you're keeping in good spirits. Trust me you need good enough spirit to get you up in the morning and to carry on. Good luck with you're resolutions :)
(Finally) @Mich. Thank you for the advise, Next time I'll take vitamins (I wasn't taking any at the time) so in my next fast I will take one multi a day.
.
Now moving on to what I was originally going to write about.
My self worth.
Yeah that might seem depressing but really, I'm just exploring what I believe and what other people have told me! Is it wrong that all I see are faults in myself, faults in my favourite body parts, faults in people on TV?
All I see to hear recently are compliments that I'm not even fishing for! Like the Ballerina/leg comment. I get all odds and ends of compliments about me that aren't said to my face.
I'm pretty.
I have nice legs.
I have big boobs (from the guys).
I'm smart.
Whats going on here? I'm not used to this! Thankfully, I'm starting to believe that I am smart, I'm not stupid anymore. I can get the grades I want, I do get the grades I want. How come I didn't see this before? Why did I think I was so stupid before this year? Maybe it was because I was comparing myself to other people? I dont think so. Comparing myself has showed me that, really, I'm smarter than a lot of my friends. I help my friends in classes, help THEM to understand whats being taught. I'm getting high B's and A's in most of my work. What made me believe I wasn't good enough mentally? Maybe because I'm borderline dyslexic and no one ever helped me because I wasn't 'bad' enough? My mum had to get me a personal tutor in year 5 because I literally could not read. Now? I'M WRITING FUCKING BOOKS!
One thing I've apparently always been good at is art.
Apparently, according to my friend, in Primary school we did a little drawing competition together, and we won because of my drawing. I dont even remember this!
.
Then... Why do I feel so pitiful about my appearance..?
I've noticed my confidence grow a little because of Capelin fancying me and complimenting me on more than just my looks. He liked everything. I was even STUPID enough to tell him about my eating issues. He just listened, he understood. Apparently his brother was Bulimic, so he's been through it. I've also got a TAKEN friend of mine flirting with me a lot... honestly, I try not to proper flirt back, I just say things that are intended to sound wrong to make the situation funny... its weird really. Strange how, he apparently really loves his girlfriend, but he feels the need to flirt with me? Makes me a little anxious about if that will happen to me... I'm trying really hard not to get bored with Skei. I love him, I really do. But I just lose interest in things quickly... which is why I think I argue with him a lot. Shake things up, make it interesting. I'm fucked up in the head. I either want to start and argument with Skei or go frolicking off with some fit indie who was looking me up and down. But I DONT WANT TO. I do and I dont. I do because it'd be different. I dont, because I've fucked things up enough as it is... I dont wanna go through that again. :/
Omg. I've sooo gone off track.
.
Either way.
Apparently I'm attractive. I may start asking guys at school... if I ever go back to school XD this snow has lasted several days and its like 2 foot deep.
.
Maybe I should accept I'm a good catch?
I dont know if I can do that though...
Its the battle of and Eating Disordered person, isn't it?
.
Apparently I deserve more...
I dont feel like I deserve anything.
Then, I feel like I deserve the world.
x

Taking A Break For Myself.

I officially have nothing left to lose.
Me and Skei are officially broken up. Yeah I know.
.
I've accepted it, its just going to be difficult to live knowing he no longer loves me, and its all my fault.
I also feel like a failure right now, I'm still in the 140's and I cant stand it.
.
I'm going to take a break from posting for a while, to get myself together, lose until I get into the 130's, then I'll be back.
Currently fasting my imperfections away. It does help being completely numb and somehow heartbroken, fasting is giving me something else to focus on.
.
Maybe I'll get myself a re-bound.
Maybe I'll get into a new relationship.
Maybe I'll turn to drink and drugs to help ease my pain.
Fuck knows.
I'm just going to see where the world takes me.
.
I'll be back.
Wish me luck once again, on my little journey to find myself.
x

Gahh :/

Ah, Man Guys!
I'm sorry I haven't posted in like a week?! I've been swamped with Course Work and Exercising with my Gran XD
(Lotsa areobics TV and Stupid questions to answer)
.
Right. I was stupid at one point and gained back up to 149. I lost 2 or 3 again, so I'm around 147/146 again. (woop?) And I'm doing well, I do go over my calorie limit but I guess I burn it off and for dinner recently, I've stuck to home made veggie soup (which I dont count as calories coz I'm on the SGD and its a liquid) I've gone off my morning coffee for some reason... but hey, a couple less calories.
.
Oh aaaaand I've been feeling FAINT-ISH AGAIN! YEY!
I loooove that feeling, I've missed it soo much!
AND I lost half an inch off my thighs! :o like wow, and my calfs look thinner but they're still 14 inches but hey.
Oh and after the HUGE ammount of exercise I did this week, my arms KILL. So hopefully I'll have sexy skinny arms :3
.
I'm going on a school trip in December! I'm going to GERMANY!! :D I've never been to Germany before! :D Its only for 2 days for the Christmas market in Colone (cant spell for shit :3) But should be amazing, I'm hopefully gonna share a room with Anneli, and Manny and Skei will hopefully be able to go so WOOP! Although... Kitty will be going -.- (Thank God the HM wont be going! I dont think...)
So I'll talk about that a bit, and hopefully beable to blog on my phone... Keep you updated. And we only get breakfast on the second day but dont get dinner or lunch either day so I'll be skipping out. I'll take a bag of apples over for my snacks XD
.
I had the urge to try and purge (pardon the rhyme) today. Just coz I was in a horrible mood coz my form tutor (lets call him Mr. Nazi...) told me to stop singing. But I went to the bathroom, but people were in there, so I waited a bit until they left, one didn't and turned out someone was crying, so I gave up on that thought and scoffed some chocolates and cereal when I got home. I haven't done any exercise except my P.E lesson and should currently be doing Diploma work -.- fuck that I'll do it later.
.
Oh and its reached the time of COLLEGE x.x I'm sooo fucked. I now have no idea where I wont to go :/ I'm just gonna apply to loads and decide out of the ones that accept me. Ahhhh :/
Oh well... I'll go to loads of open days too XD haha just turn up and look at loads of places then decide on one. They all seem good, I guess I'll have to come up with a nickname for the one I finally decide on.. XD Rambling, sorry.
.
Over all I've been very busy and you're lucky I've posted today XD
I'm still fat. But I WILL BE FUCKING SKINNY GOD DAMMIT!!!
I'm starting to hate coming up with lists...
some changes you've noticed physically (yes ED related today)
1I have a waist now
2Tiny wrists
3Quite skinny shoulders and arms (still flabby though)
4more abdominem muscle
5my face has thinned out
6when I lay down I can feel my ribs and hips
.
oh one last thing, I'm re-reading LoveSick. I'm in need of triggering/thinsperation... whichever :/
.
Cheerio (not the food you numpty!)
x

Whoopeyy!!

Hey. Guess What?
I have awesome news!
But I'll get to that!
.
It was awesome reading (3) people's stories and dislikes about school XD It's a great topic to bitch about!
I'm sorry I cant remember names atm (Shame on me) but whoever said about her shoes getting nicked.
THAT HAPPENED TO ME TOO!!
Out of the girls changing rooms and I had to wear my P.E. trainers until my mum bought a new pair!
.
Oh and, seeing as my skirt caused such a ruckus, I'm going to wear it again tomorrow. My old head of year actually said 'Well, thats better!' when she saw me in my trousers (skinny legged ones btw)... I hate her. I went on and explained everything (height, length, right place, other girls are shorter.. etc.) then she said something like 'I dunno what it was, something just wasn't right, maybe its because you weren't wearing tights.'
What the fuck??
I told her my tights had a hole in which I asked my mum to fix so I didn't have any. Which is the truth, but I wanted to wear my long socks anyway.
And I'm going to tomorrow :) She can kiss my arse. I'm going to dye my hair BRIGHT FUCKING PURPLE some point this year and there's nothing she can do about it!
tbh they can't. They can tell you you shouldn't dye your hair unnatural colours and tell you off, but what else are they gonna do? Come to your house, shove your head under the shower and apply hair dye??
Oh dear XD
.
Oh but anyway. To my awesome news...
I'VE LOST 2.5 LBS!!!!!!!!
LYKE OH EMM GEEE!!!!!!
Seriously though, Corr! I found that out coz my mum finally got a battery for our scales and it works again. I lost weight and had 3 pieces of chocolate cake (2 of which I stuffed when I got home... tut tut) and that was after a whole day of eating a little and drinking.
I'm gonna weigh myself tomorrow just to make sure!
But I think I'm going to stick to 'Measure every few days' for weight coz When you dont know... You want to make a difference! Well for me anyway... And I think I'm going to measure with the tape every month, or 4 weeks, whatever. Because this seems to be working! I use more energy at school, I do minimum of 90 minutes of activity per week, with my SGD I have an exercise to do everyday which will help, and the calories are very low making my total calories burned around 2000 or more!
WHOOPEYYYYYY!!!
Now I'm off to update my goals and check my BMI!!!
Then Maybe get a mug of warm milk ^-^
.
Damn... Favourite books
1 LoveSick (Sweet true story with a Bulimic girl in it)
2 Generation Dead (Glamorising Zombies for once! It's really good)
3 Ways To Live Forever (About a young boy in England I think, with Leukemia, uber saaad :( )
.
I reccomend those :)
Laaaaaaave...
Soon To Be Skinny Angel!
;)
x

Errrr?

Okay.
Please. Someone SHOUT AT ME I'M A BAD BAD GIRL!!
.
I suck at fasting -.- Caved into a cookie (thanks to Skei) and just pigged out on Mac and CHEESE??!!
My God I'm A HUUUUUGE FATTIE!!
.
So.. Shout At me!
.
I WILL FAST FOR 4 DAYS THOUGH!!
=.= (Determined face)
.
Uhm... Right well.
To new followers who haven't bothered to read my character list: I may be getting checked out, but I cant and wont say yes as SKEI is my boyfriend. Just thought I'd clear that up! Incase people didn't know!
Oh and I made a character name mistake last time x.x T and G... No.. Its T and Gaz. Sorry guys XD
.
I did my first yoga class todayy!!
It sucked.
It was full of old people who could do MORE THAN ME!
WTF! I'm supposed to be flexable? Fucking hell do I hurt!
.
*sigh* Well heres my food plan.
I shall fast for 4 days (til monday) And then move onto my version of Skinny Girl Diet! Basically I halfed the calories so I'd eat less shit and be forced to eat fruit!
Thats like... 3 ish weeks long... I keep forgetting where I left my booklet with it in so I'm not sure. But I WILL FAST =.=
FASTFASTFASTFASTFAST...
I just realised if you type fast wrong it could be 'Fats'
Ironic.
.
I've also set up exercises to do each day on my SGD so hopefully I'll loose weight FAST
See what I did there?
No? Okay.. :(
.
.
Oh God, I dont want school to start in about 2 and a half weeks!! I have course work to do and a book to read for English! GAHH!!
.
But I CBAAAA!!!
Coz, as you all know...
I'M A LAZY FATTIEEE!!
WOO
RUN FATTIE RUN!!
GAHHH!!!
.
I have no lists for you... I'll think of one!!!!
*thinks*
Top 3 people you couldn't live with out!!
1Skei.. (feel special BIYATCH)
2Mannyy XD
3All those sexy people out there! My Thinspo's basically XD
.
Spaz list :3
I'll leave before you get TOO scared of me
Again
I'm sorry! I'll stop!
x

Ballerina's Gone Wrong [52]

Christ.
I hate my Mum. Honestly. She has actually spoken to Fiona about me. My mum is such a cow. Yeah yeah shes worried about me blah blah but really, she shouldn't go round telling everybody that 'I DONT EAT'
.
I fucking do.
at least I pretend to eat for her.
She accuses me of being sick etc. etc.
Sure I've tried to (Very unsuccessfully) but technically I haven't.
.
Right heres the story.
.
Last night me and Fiona got a bit tipsy, but she started talking about having Bulimia before we drank anything. I didn't say a lot, I think I asked something about 'who's we?' and she started talking about 'Beat'. Then went on to asking me if I make myself vomit. The funny thing was that she only used, oh whats the word, politically correct? terms. 'Self induced vomiting'. This was the day I noticed a large number of diet books in her kitchen and Binged on cookies and cream Sunday and spent whenever I went to the toilet, doing star jumps trying to burn some calories off, only to put it back on with Wine and Minstrels.
Where was I before I waffled on??
Oh, yeah.
Well she spoke about when she didn't think she was ill and about recovery and something about how Anorexics and Bulimics have to be intelligent (Obviously) since they have to hide everything they do.
Obviously I'm not smart enough, seeing as I've been found out already. Probably because my mum snoops through my stuff...
But through the whole evening I didn't admit I was bulimic or anorexic (coz I'm not. I'm EDNOS ffs) but she still ended up giving me 2 books on EDs, a number for 'Beat' and said theres more books if I want to have a look at those. We also talked about being suicidal and self harming. I refused to say I cut myself in places other than my arm. She guessed the right places (nearly) but I just didn't want to say, seeing as I've tried to slit my throte before.
She also told me to call the Samaritans? I have their number already along with ChildLine but ChildLines free and I'm not so sure about the Samaritans. I prefer ChildLine anyway, seeing as I'm still a child really.
.
But yeah, I've had a little read through these books, find them boring as fuck. I already know everything there is to know about Eating Disorders. (Thanks to Google and sever boredom before I even obtained my ED, although I researched more into it when I became more suspicious...)
I'm also thinking of taking Psychology in college along with some arty shit. Just coz I'd like to learn about this stuff properly and discuss my view and reasons things like EDs and Depression can occur.
It'd also give me some insight into WHY I do the things I do (both ED related and Non-ED related).
I know this will sound stupid but after this talk, its not going to stop me cutting and all EDNOS business.
Fiona even showed me paintings she did in therapy, feelings of depression and self loathing etc and apparently I was the only person (other than the therapist) to see them (woo). It made me realise I do drawings like that. I once drew me, looking like I was dying, with loads of different demented characters coming out of me and one thats probably common with most people is a drawing of me and all the words I associate with myself (e.g. fat, ugly, pathetic, useless etc.)
.
Summing up?
-Fiona basically knows I have an ED
-I'd like to take Psychology in college
-Fiona's the older double of me
-Fiona's been where I've been
-And I'm still a whale. (145.5lbs)
.
Apologies for the long, slightly depressing post.
I needed to rant about it.
Might go have a look at the other books she has...
.
I do love you guys
don't do a me and try to kill yourself.
talk to someone coz I'd hate someone going through similar stuff to me has died coz no one helped them.
If you dont want help for your ED then get help for depression!!
Depression sucks ass.
Anyway!
I love you :)
x

Oh Fuck it!! [49]

I know it was supposed to be my 4 week weigh in but I dont see the point in showing you lot how fat I still am so I'm leaving it another 4 weeks.
.
Hope you dont mind XP
.
Right now I'm helping Skei with exercises he could do to tone his upper body. He doesn't like it so I'm going to help him healthily tone his body.
Atm I've got stuff like;
-bicep curls
-sit ups
-push ups
-triceps dips
-plank
-side plank
.
he want to tone and build some more muscle so I'm giving him a list for him to google if he doesn't know what they are. I think they'll work well if he does them a couple times a week. Right?
.
Arghh I have work experience next week. And the week after. Two weeks with out Skei Because the person who does my work experience is a friend of my mums, I'm staying with her. She's the ex-Bulimic. And most of the time she goes to a different job in the morning and then comes back home then off to her Dance school (which she owns and teaches) so I can fit in some exercise in the morning, not eat until she gets back then go to work with her, probably doing some form of physical work and I'll have to do some paperwork as well. So it should be good. I can have lyins and exercise and morning fasts. I have a feeling we'll end up having a take out within the two weeks! >.< either that or a crappy attempt at food! So I'll really have to work hard if I'm to burn off the calories from the shit I could possibly end up eating! Gawd. I didn't think of that before! Arse.
.
Hopefully I'll get away with it! WOO! :/
.
I'll keep posting occationally in the weeks though because I'm allowed to take my laptop up there (WIN!) and I'll have internet access.. I'll doubtfully go on PT in those two weeks though, you never know what people can do with computers. :/
.
I'm tired. But I dont want to sleep.
This week is basically DUE IN ALL HOMEWORK WEEK.
Bastards.
English Essay Thursday
German CourseWork Wednesday
Citizenship Stage 5 Tomorrow [I've done it so dont worry!]
.
*Sighh*
I'm going to fast better the next two days.
I have P.E. tomorrow as well.
OMG.
I had a dream about my P.E. teacher >.<
Twas weird.
XD.
.
I WILL DO THIS!!!
RUN FATTY RUN!!
(Me btw. I'm the fatty!)
<3

Oh My Foggin' GAWD! [45]

Righty. I thought I MUSTMUSTMUST post now.
Like Right now.
Yeah now.
Okay... NOW!
.
Well, I'm currently fresh out of my cold shower smelling of apples, decided I would have a looky at mon Bloggo and was filled with shock-horror at my followers.
Maraculously, I went from 4 followers to 17!!
*craps herslef and dies*
OMG I FEEL SO LOVED RIGHT NOW!
.
I had a kinda average day and THIS just made me grin like a f'ing crazy person (which I am but thats besides the point!) And felt the urge (Oh-ayee XD) to write for my lovely new follwers!
.
And I'm guessing you all came from PrettyWreck (THANK YOU! I'm like so in love with you right now! XD)
Uhm.. well I guess I should get on with maybe what happened today?
Uh. Nothing.
Yesterday however...
I finnaly got to the
ONE STONE MARK!
YESSSSSSSSSS!
haha! I've lost a whole stone since I started trying to lose this gross jiggly-ness!
And now I have 17 followers (Ima just keep bringing that up XD) I will honestly try harder.
I've been such a lazy cow.
But I'm trying to dicipline myself with exercise.
Wish me luck. Never worked in the past but I'll give it another shot!
.
Now Ima reply to my FIRST COMMENTS LIKE EVER
(haha I sound so lonely!)
.
@See
Hey thats awesome! I know actually I've noticed theres not really many girls who're 15 who log this stuff... but I find that awesome XD coz I'm sad ;) and OMG its so annoying right? ahahaa I have so many sexy ladies (okay just random advert girls) all cut out but cba to stick them on my wall yet and other stuff which I'll need glue for! Ima bother my mother until she gets some. :D
x
.
@Peridot (G+P)
Wow, I'm really gonna have to thank her XD I haven't gotten round to actually commenting on her blog yet >.< I should be ashamed! and Faaack! Someone is actually reading my WHOLE blog! Oh My Aunty Mary. I dont have an Aunty Mary btw XD. and I'm not too sure what you mean by 'scarred with my usual tom-foolery' but sure! I'm an only child so feel free to sibling me up XD and Thankd XD I say alot of weird things like Corr :D you'll see haha! Yeah I can guess.. I suck at spelling is all XD I'm 5'7 an can kick someone who's about 6' ish in the face ^-^ I used to do it years ago but stopped haha lazy cow XD
x
.
Right
Too my new and old(ish) bloggers.
Corr blimey XD
I LOVE YOU!!
x

Stupid Bloggers fucked up how many posts I've done! [44]

Hello Beautiful people!
(i.e. four whole followers!)
I'm a little proud that I have 4 followers XD
.
Today, I've been a good girl. I had soup for lunch and will have soup for dinner! I've done most of my German homework, and also prepared something to give to Skei to help him with his German speaking exam on Tuesday so I hope he appreciates it. I've attempted a bit of English work but cba to find the stuff I actually need to finish it!
.
Reasons I've been a bad girl though...
I had ice cream last night thanks to my bloody mother! I haven't even started an assessment for English which is due in two weeks but I have next weekend to cram stuff in. I haven't finished stage 4 for my citizenship class but I'll do that Monday night! I haven't followed my work out thingy but I'll try again next week.
.
Some news:
Me and Manny are starting Tai Kwon Do [sp?] And Li might be joining us. We're doing it every Wednesday for a month at least coz its free for a month XD but I think I might continue it if I find it enjoyable!
I've found this stuff that stops stomach ache, heartburn and shizz like that including bloating! I've been sipping a glass of it since lunch so I hope maybe it'll help?
I'm well on my way to making a full Thinspo book but have currently got no glue ANYWHERE in the house! WTF!
I've spent hours recently cutting out pretty/thin women to stick on my thinspo wall but haven't gotten round to actually sticking them up.
.
Right now my stomach is gurgling!
Win!
I'm probably going to go psycho/OCD on my room in a sec coz its actually disgusting!
See you sexy people on the other side ;)
x

Gimme A Hey, Gimme A Ho, Gimme A I Dont Know You Anymore! [42]

Hey All. Right I have A muddle of things to get through so bare with me!!
.
1) I'm tired. WAY over worked at school. I just wanna pass out for the next two years!
2)I haven't lost anymore weight... BUT I tried the dress on the other day and I can get my arse in the bitch!! But still can zip it right up. And I bought a pair of size 10 [US 6 I think??] short shorts and didn't even have to undo them when I put them on yesterday!
3)I'm barley following ABC anymore. I'll just keep going as I am until I finish ABC then since I've over eaten so much, I'm fasting for a week. Real serious business here!
4)I miss Skei. Even though I saw him 2 days ago. I just miss him. I guess its coz I know I wont see him until Monday... Suckishh.
5) I've ordered a really high-tech pedometer and this weird muscle toner... Haha cop-out I know but I thought I'd give it a go! No harm in that right?
6)I've become OCD with any sweets or gum I find [non chewed gum.. and sweets around the house]. I have designated jars for them now.
7) My feet hurt. I admit, I shouldn't have eaten the mr. whippy, snicker, snicker icecream or anything of that nature that I [for once] didn't swallow whole. I walked a FUCK load today. Like 5 ish miles? Okay, Its alot for me!
8) I really want to go smoke my fag I've had for about a month. It broke in half today and I've loosely fixed it with a whatsitcalled...
9)I've been taking ALOT colder showers than I'm used too. And I think thats why my stomach looks kinda flat even though its all fat! Its gross really...
10) I actually bought a bikini the other day. I'm not gonna wear it any time soon. I need to lose more of this gross belly! Erghh.
.
I think thats it.
I might just annoy you and post again if I remember anything...
But...
I love you.
x

Fat People Porn X.X [41]

First off.
What's up with the title you ask?
Oh yeahh, well someone in PT posted a link to unthinspiration of rather fat women, some with gorgeous faces, but a couple were very fat and ugly, totally naked in porno poses.
ERGHHHH!!!
*shivers*
.
Moving on.
Fast.
Must fast.
I'm also beginning a 5 day week exersice regimine, I can exersice on weekends too if I loke (which I probably will if I'm not weighed down with homework..) but heres the thingy id you wanna try. I'll tell you guys id it works :)
.

Monday

20 sit ups

15 leg lifts

jog in place 30 seconds

40 knee lifts

.

Tuesday

50 jumping jacks

20 bicycla crunches

10 push ups

20 lunges

.

Wednesday

30 minutes of cardion of your choice

.

Thursday

20 mountain climbers

20 star jumps

20 calf raises

10 squat thrusts

.

Friday

jog in place 45 seconds

30 crunches

20 jumping jacks

20 side step toe touches

.
and Skei. STOP READING MOST OF THESE! XD
not for your eyes
Moving on again.
FASTFASTFASTFASTFASTFASTFAST
Goodnight:)
x

[38]

I have no social life.
My fucking life is full of obsession.
I have no fucking friends I want to see outside of school.
I have no one I honestly want to see.
I am still not losing fucking weight.
I'm still a pig. Obese. Grotesque.
I'm failing at being a perfectionist.
I'm going to fail my exams.
I'm horribly stressed.
And Dean keeps shoving fucking food in my face!
Fuck. Me.
x

Ow. [36]

Hello All :)

.

Okay Today.. I facking hurt.

This week, disaster for losing weight. -.-

I have to start week two again but hey, I dont mind.

.

This wekk was great for spending some good time with my bootiful Skei. Today I thought I'd finally show you a picture of us! You know, Make it easier for you to picture us and whatnot!

.

I dont think I can take 7 more weeks of school. I'll probably shoot myself. I have a German Speaking Exam on the 9th [My fucking annaversary... 9 moths :)] English homework for Thursday and Sort out a folder for Friday at my Diploma >.<>

.

Skei started a Blog on here too... If you want, Check it out 'The Life Of Skeii'

thelifeofskei.blogspot.com

Bless Him :3

.

I do love him. I made him cry 3 days in a row! Bless. Yeah I wont go on... I might cry myself.

.

Skeii.... I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!

.

End.

haha :)

Urhm. Well tbh I dont have alot to say!

.

Much Love to all Who read this XD

.

Honestly.

I love you

x

Holidays -.- [35]

Wheyheyy Its Teh HOLIDAYS!

-.-

Skei says 'Hi'. Yeah, I'm showing Skei around my world of EDNOS! WOO! -.-

He's a little clueless :D

HAHA he had absolutely no reaction to me typing that either :3

but anyway.

Skei's making me fat -.- Well.. I've lost inches from my hips, thighs, upperarm, forearm and my wrists again. WTF!

seriously... I didnt think you could lose inches from your wrists!!!! ...

Skei just suggested I type 'I blame Skei' but I dont. I blame him for making my waist bigger again. Pig. Scoffing cookies. I only had 2. Probably good really. Hes still THINNER AND LIGHTER THAN ME! I hate him.

No not really.

Only coz he's a skinny mother fucker...

Oh God... "I'm only a skinny mother fucker because I've been where you are... I didn't like it... and went into overload." - Skei.

WTF!!

what does he mean 'where you are'! -.-

Bastard.

"Hating your body, do you understand"

Fucking yes I do.

Blaitantly.

SHUT UP! SKEI! I'M GOING OFF TOPIC!

Now where the fuck was I?

.

Oh Yeah. Skei wants a fucking Moomoos. Its a milkshake you get on the pier in Brighton. I want one actually. but. AHH!

probably, at maximum, 1500 calories. Minimum? Hmm... 800/900.

Skei thinks theres 2 calories in them. Tard.

Hes such a girl. Who likes kinky school girl fantasies.. even though hes 15. Ehem. He probably likes the sexy librarian too... Urhh >.< 'Oh yeah! Miss Duck!' - Skei

[That's our school librarian. With a nose that looks like a duck beak. 'Very sexy!']

.

Moving on.

Me an Skei are just cuddling in the spare room of my mother's boyfriend's flat. I should really give him a name... later. XD

But yes, Skei is in the girls position, leaning on my shoulder. But gets excited when I ask him to measure my bust but then gets disappointed to see the number go down an inch.

HA!

Oh yah! I named his penis Penelope x3

ahahahahahahahahahahahaaa!!

Sorry. You didn't need to know that! XD

.

.

I think that's it again

Oh

I'm seriously a mental case!

And made Skei cry!

He wants to start a blog too..

Bollocks.

Urh. Yeah.

Goodbye All :3

x

Is It Weird... [34]

I've Noticed a few strange needs recently. And obsessions of course.

.

But First. Is It Weird I obsessively cleaned my bathroom toilet yesterday until all I could smell was bleach?

And is it weird that I've become obsessed with my boyfriends weight and measurements?

If It is weird. I'd Like to know. Because honestly, it just hurts.

x

30/5/10 Update [33]

Yess its that dreaded day.

I have done slightly well though I must admit.

.

right so my HW was 160 lbs

whereas now I'm at a CW of 148lbs!

Thats nearly a whole stone!! Just 2 more lbs to go then I'm a stone lighter! Only 3 lbs to go to get to my next target weight! WHOOPEY!

.

And now for the measurements

.

Waist 30 [lost an inch]

Hips 36 [stayed the same-.-]

UnderBust 33 [lost an inch]

Bust 37 [lost an inch]

Upperarm 11 [lost 1/2 inch]

Forearm 8 [lost 1/2 inch]

Wrist 6.5 [lost an inch]

Thigh 19 [lost 1/2 inch]

Calf 13.5 [stayed the same]

Ankle 9 [same]

.

and I cba to do my neck.

And by the way... I didn't know you could lost inches off your wrists!! I thought they were going to stay the same the whole time!

.

Weeeiiiiiiird.

.

ABC diets working for me then ;)

Although next week is going to be a struggle...

I wont be posting next week coz it'll become obvious.

Unless I post in the room I'm staying in at night... Even is Skei sees it I dont care. He knows and he knows that if he tells anyone... Well... Lets just say I've had enough of him, yeah?

Today I'm on 300 calories... and I have friends Coming over. Balls.

.

Well

Thats all I wanted to say XD

Stay Strong Girls and Guys! :D

Until... Some Time Next week or maybe tomorrow morning... XD

x

.

P.S My BMI is now 23.2

and my Waist-to-hip ratio is 0.83 :S I'm at 'moderate Risk'

Fuck

x

I Thoight I'd Give You All Some Thinspo (L) [32]

For All You Emo Lovers ;P And I just tought she looked cool haha!

For You Coupled Up Peoplee and Those Whos Finance Is Teh Fridge XD

Twiggyy

Emma Watson and Maxxie from Skins

[I dont know his name, Sorry.]

Cassiee from skins (L)

And Effy From Skins

Some Songs Maybe?

Addicted - Kelly Clarkson

Beautiful - Bathany Dillon

Beauty From Pain- Superchick

Big Isn't Beautiful - King Adora

Bleed Like Me - Garbage

Blow Away - Staind

Breathe Again - Too Sorry For Apologies

Breathe Me - Sia

Bulimic - The Used

Cars and Calories - Saves The Day

Courage - Superchick

Crawling - Linkin Park

Daddy's Girl - KJ 52

Disturbia - Rihanna

I Will Not Bow - Breaking Benjamin

I'm So Sick - FlyLeaf

Katie - Missy Higgens

Lucy At The Gym - Jill Sobule

Never Good Enough - Rachel Ferguson

Numbers - Pompeii

Over and Over - Three Days Grace

Pain - Three Days Grace

Perfect - FlyLeaf

Raining Again - Staind

She's Falling Apart - Lisa Loeb

Skin and Bones - FooFighters

Skinny - Filter

Someone I Once Knew - Dead Celebrity Status

Sugar Cane - Missy Higgens

Curse OF Curves - Cute Is What We Aim For

Theres A Class For That - Cute Is What We Aim For

[I Got These Off Of The Blog 'Letters From Ana' I hope Thats Okay?]

Think Thin Girls

Stay Strong

x

FML [31]

I hate birthdays.

My Garanddad's birthday today. 66 years old. HUGE chocolate cake. Had 2 pieces. Some healthier chinese food, a donette and a cookie. Bad, bad girl. At least tomorrow I'm only eating 100 cals tomorrow, I love the ABC diet. I'm not going into school either. CBA!! I wouldnt be doing anything interesting anyway. Stuck in Learning Support Unit all day sorting out work. Honestly, I can do that at home. This way I have all day to try to burn off the calories consumed today (somewhere in the 2,000 section >.<). I am honestly going to try really hard tomorrow, Saturday (even though I''m stuck in the capital for the day) and some of Sunday. I'll have to weigh and all that after mon lobly friends leave. Man, Li and Skei. Me and Li are going to put make up on man and Skei and do their hair and me and Li are going to be all man-ish! XD hahahahahahahaaa!!

.

I'm so weird.

We're going to watch 'Camp Blood' as well and take the piss at how craply made it is. Probably watch some of Scary movie aswell. I have like 5 scary movie films. They're good.

Anyway.

.

Like todays Thinspo? I dooo! Emma Watson. She is honestly, in my opinion, beautiful. She looks amazing in anything. From glitzy dresses and heels to jeans and trainers. Her face is elegant. Curves in the perfect places and the perfect amount of bustiness and hips. Jelous.

I'm staring an actual Thinspo journal. Filled with exercises. Well. So far.

.

Oh God. I still have to pack for next week. Skei is stuck sleeping with me for about 5 nights. And spending nearly everyday with me. He's gonna be so pleased. No seriously, He loves the idea! I just dont like the thought of showering at my mum's boyfriend's flat. Just weirds me out a little.

.

I've nearly got back to 149. One pound off. I can get rid of that by Sunday... right? Or more?

God.

Okay.

I'm actually knackered!

I'll leave you all at this.

Before I die on my laptop.

x