If I Curl Up Small Enough, They'll Never Remember I'm Here..

What a drastic change from nearly loving Christmas.
.
I hate Christmas with a passion. I am so glad this is my last Christmas with my family. I hate it.
.
Christmas is a pointless holiday. Its where you open shitty presents from people you barley know, eat until you cant move, gain like a bitch and get drunk enough to fall off the sofa.
.
This year, I've ended up sitting by my bed, posting angrily, with some form of Dance music blaring from my new Ipod doc. So many things haven't gone right today. And before you ask. Yes. I am going to tell you.
.
Shit #1. My mum bought the wrong £50 high tops. I mean that doesn't annoy me, if anything I feel sorry because my mum spent loads on shoes I dont even want.
Shit #2. On MY home made place mat, someone had spilt curry on it. For fucks sake! It was only mine! No one gives a shit, obviously!
Shit #3. I scoffed so many waffle-ish biscuits and Belgian chocolates that I'm seriously considering taking MORE laxatives.
Shit #4. I've been to the bath room about 20 times today thanks to my laxative abuse last night.
Shit #5. My Grandfather is an arse hole. All he does is moan, hold everything up and then tell everyone how to play Poker WRONG!
Shit #6. I've had more alcohol than I originally had planned. Only a glass or two more, but I am SO gonna work hard to get this FAT OFF ME!
Shit #7. I'm fat.
Shit #8. I punched a wall. Twice.
Shit #9. I want to die. Just because Christmas is so utterly pointless and supposed to be full of jolly people, but mine always contains my utterly cunt-ish family.
Shit #10. I havent heard from Skei in about 3 days. To be fair, it is Christmas and he is at his Mum's house. But Still, its Skei. He always finds a reason to talk to me.
.
Now. I'm going to get changed into my PJs again.
Find some water.
And take about 4 laxatives.
And Dance. Until I cant feel my legs.
.
'ice cream ice cream we all want ice cream!!' - Pink - Cuz I Can

Merry Christmas To All, And To All A GoodNight!

Who's going to be abusing her laxatives tonight?
I AM!!
*face palm*
.
Okay, today wasn't so bad! Tina's mum was lovely. So was Tina's daughter. She was bloody funny I must say! Charlie SPOKE! Second time I've met him, he spoke to me in conversation. And LOL my hair is shorter than his! Haha! Well, mine isn't shoulder length anymore, and the back of his is going down his shoulders so... LOL!
.
I helped Tina and my Dad cook. I actually had a small plate of food, barely covering the surface of my plate when everyone else was PILED on. I didn't even finish it. Then... Fuck me... Came the chocolate gateau. I had a 'small' piece. Meh. It was medium. I ate slowly all day! Whoopeyy!! But. I had some chocolate. Like 10. Buuuut, I'm planning on doing mad dancing for God knows how long after I finish my post.
.
I got make-up from my Dad and Tina. :/
But, its good quality make-up so I'm not too fussed. I would have preferred perfume, like the last present I received from my Father. I also had some alcohol. Not alot. I tried a bit of everything I was offered.
Half a glass of rose. 2 sips of Sambuka. A mouthful of Bailey's.
Sambuka is foul. Never ever again.
.
So really. I didn't do too badly. Tomorrow I'll only have soup and a SMALL piece if cake IF I actually want what we have. I will cut it myself this time!
.
I learnt how to play Poker! I was shit but it was fun, specially after I got Charlie and Kally (Tina's daughter) to join in with me, Tina and Dad. Kally taught us how to play properly, coz apparently Tina's was telling us wrong. Ha. Made my day.
BUUUUUT.
I haven't opened many presents. *sad face*
.
That will be tomorrow.
.
I have to wait.
RIGHT NOW I have to dance off this chocolate and alcohol.
I might have a glass of wine tomorrow too.
.
.
I'm trying to keep my system clear for New Year.
Heh heh.
I'm soo gonna get trashed.
.
'Behave little boy, you better sit back down, you better hold your ground' - Papa Roach - Binge

1 Yearrrrrrr :3

Hey 'dere alllllll :)
Guess what day it is.
It'ssssss Myyyyyy
ONE YEAR ANAVERSARY!
With Skei btw XD
.
Apparently he has a present for me but I wont know until the weekend.
Argh. I hate surprises.
.
Oh yes, about my re-weighing thing.
Correction.
I've lost 4.5lbs!!!
WAHAA!!! I've reached the WHOLE STONE MARK.
I will keep it off =.=
.
I also got alot of my exam and coursework results today, or recently.
English Coursework = A
Functional Skills Maths tests = Passed
then the best of them all
Science Test one = 34/34 (C coz I was doing the lower paper)
Test 2 = 33/34 (C again)
I mean OMG! I GOT FULL MARKS AND CLOSE TO FULL MARKS??
NO WAYYYYY!!!
:D
So basically, todays been pretty damn good!
Except the half a curry I just had that made me feel sick and bloated. I feel better after my walk with my Gran though!! Hahahaaa, if I walk with her nearly everyday I'll get skinnier faster! XD
.
the little things you enjoy (as many as you like)
-my morning Coffee
-Reading a good book or magazine every now and again
-the smile Skei gives me
-seeing money in my money jar XD
-Dressing up for a night out or dinner :)
.
Righty. COMMENT! Coz I'm starting to think you all died :(
G'bye!
(Oh and welcome to the 2 new followers :D)
x

It's A Skirt! We Don't Live In The 1930's Anymore!

My God.
I was spoken to about my skirt at least 5 times today for it being apparently too short.
.
Frankly. Up yours!
.
I'm tall. Not my fault my skirt goes 5 1/2 inches above my knee! Ooohh Thigh! What ever shall we do!?
Fack Offfffffff!
.
Okay, whether you want to hear it or not I'm going to tell you coz, well, this is MY BLOG. Full of all sorts of SHIT.
.
Anyway.
First My head of year said that my skirts too short, I told her that the waist band of the skirt is in the right place, so I can't help it! (they're long waisted skirts with pleats at the bottom)
Then when I went to ask Mrs. K if I could borrow a jumper for the day (coz apparently my cardigan just wasn't good enough...) she mentioned my skirt was a bit short (A BIT!) and I explained the waist band thing, and she just agreed and said, yeah, it was because I'm tall. So she was happy about it coz I actually can't do anything about it.
Then when I was going to my first lesson, the 2 head of years (same woman from last time and a bloke) said I should do something about my skirt, I said something like 'Well I said before, It's at the right place, I'm just tall' then the bloke chipped in and said 'looks like its been rolled up to me!'
Fuck off.
I actually lifted my school polo shirt to show him it wasn't. Then the woman said 'well pull it down a bit' I did sort of but the way they're made, you cant really do that. And she kept telling me more as I walked off, but as soon as I was out of her sight I moved it back coz it was really uncomfortable where it was, and made absolutely no difference.
The going into Science my MAN teacher (Mr. SPF actually...) said to sort my skirt out. I said I cant. I'm tall. He turned round and said, 'You getting a new one?'
Fuck off.
THIS IS NEW ARSE HOLE!! And cost my mum more than a tenner! (£10 if you're wondering) And I'm quite sure she's not going to replace it! Specially since its new, and they all come in ONE LENGTH.
Twats.
Then Lunch ended, I walked past the woman Head of year AGAIN and as I was just about out the door she said, 'better think about that'
What. The. Utter. Fuck?
.
Think about a skirt? No thanks, I've got better things to focus on, like, I dunno, my COURSEWORK!? That time I just ignored her.
I'm going to tell my Therapist/Counsellor type lady that my teachers are now bullying me. Seriously, how many times does ONE teacher have to say something? Especially to me! They should know by now I'm above average on the intellect front and not an old age pensioner! I can remember what you said earlier! I may have done SOME damage thanks to those pain killers but nothing THAT serious!
.
I feel like bashing their faces in (Except Mrs. K who just accepted you cant do a lot about a skirt that's worn correctly but by a tall person.
Okay I'm not tall.
I'm taller than average in the UK. Which seems to make a lot of difference when you wear skirts and jumpers. So fucking hard to get the balance right!
God they would have had a field day if had decided to wear my black boots!! -.-
I mean I'm in my last year of school, I hardly ever do anything wrong (Only a few things and I get out of them easy) the only thing I don't follow like a fucking sniffer dog to coke is the dress code. I wear trainers to school. They haven't noticed. I wear skinny leg trousers to school, they don't notice. And what annoys me more is that I WAS WARY about wearing my skirt coz we had some strong breezes today, I was weary of flashing people! I held my fucking skirt to my legs for God's sake!
.
I had a compliment from Skei about my uniform.
Hot. XD
And my friend said that coz I was wearing long socks, I looked like a slut, but she didn't mean it in a bitter way! Just a comment, which I do agree on partly, But I didn't have any tights with out holes in so I just went for socks.
.
Wow. Who knew someone could rant so much about a fucking school uniform!?
I'm sorry.
How about something ED related aye?
In science we're doing things about healthy living.
Straight away we were told to calculate the amount of calories we use per day at school. Blimey, I've never been so interested in my life! Corr if I have to do an EXAM on this, I'm gonna rock the fuckin' boat and get a fucking A****** (not a possible grade before anyone point that out to me...) And all the fat people pictures and what happens to your veins and arteries if your obese stuff really put me off food. WHOOPEYY!
Oh and I've only eaten an apple and a custard cream. I think I'm starting to get indigestion... Suckishhhh
.
Urh right.
3 things you HATE about your school/college/workplace
1looks like a shit hole
2the teachers are NAFF
3The whole 'Skirt' thing...
.
I love you :)
x

Right, Lets Get Down To Bussiness (Again..)

Right, I calculated that if I have a calorie deficite of 1000 per day, I'll get to my UGW of 112lbs in about 4 months and 2 weeks.
.
Sounds easy.
.
But of course it fuckin' aint!
.
.
My stomanch hates me coz the lack of fruit I've been eating So I'm having THOSE issues.
Dont make me spell it out :(
La Toilette -.-'
But I haven't been binging which I think is good. I've been drinking alot of coffee, and changed my milk to skimmed in stead of semi-skimmed. If i drink semi-skimmed, I can now actually TASTE the extra fat in it!! I never thought I'd say something like that!! It's like once I started drink diet coke, I cant stand actual coke. And after eating special K I'd rather eat that than coco pops.. And at one point, I'd rather eat an apple than a piece of chocolate. I need to get back into that.
.
And this is gonna sound really bad, but... I'm kinda gonna fatten the girls up at school...
I know. Thats real bad.
But I cant help it.
As long as the packet of crisps or piece of chocolate isn't in my hands, then I don't care.
I want to be a hot girl!!
(Hense the reason that on my first day back I'm gonna wear a skirt with long black socks...)
.
And I'll be doing the usual take fatty shit and something healthy to school then throw the fatty shit at whoever walks past.
Okay not WHOEVER walks past but whoever wants it.
And I'll have an apple.
Or I might throw that away too...
.
either way, I'm gonna write down MY SGD today which is gonna be in action on Monday onwards.
Oh yah, and I'll be forced to do 90 minutes of activity a week, maybe more. PLus the extra walking.
.
1- 200 + 10 push ups
2- 150 +10 crunches
3- 200 + 1 lap of fields
4- 250 + 3000-4000 steps
5- 225 + 5 laps of stairs
6- 325 + heavy clothes
7- 325 + heavy clothes
8- 200 + 20 leg lifts
9- 150 + 50 crunches
10- 200 + 20 reverse crunches
11- 250 + lap of fields
12- 225 + 2 laps of fields
13- 325 + 5000 steps
14- 350 + 10 push ups
15- 200 + ballet
16- 150 + streaches
17- 225 + ballet
18- 250 + ballet
19- 225 + jog lap of fields
20- 325 + 20 crunches and pushups
21- 350 + streaches
22- 200 + 50 toe touches
23- FAST + streaches
.
I've noticed that most of the Tuesdays have around 150 calories on and I have P.E on Tuesdays. OH WELL!!
Get me used to nearly passing out again!
:/ I kinda miss that feeling. I sometimes get it even though I've eaten.
.
Okay I've rambled enough I think?
gimme some of your appearance goals
-a 2 inch gap between my thighs
-Ribs and hipbones on display
-a 24 or less inch waist
-size UK 6/US 2
.
Thats about it.
I love you all :)
<3

Coz I'm Lyke Uberr Cool XD

Hey XD
.
Right, To the people who commented my last blog.
.
GOOD ON YOU MOTHER FUCKERSS!!
To everyone else... Fucking comment this one bitches -.-
But yes, I'm glad that at least 3 people did what I asked XD all unique and inventive so I feel like a not so individual person.
.
Moving on.
WOO WEDDING DRINK FEST XD
I'll go into detail some other time, but I drank a lot. I've probably gone back up to 160lbs knowing me. (Okay that's a bit too much to put on in a night... like... 15lbs too much XD)
.
I have another activity for today.
a list of food that you love but is uber bad for you (list of up to 5 XD) and a list of your go to diet foods which are healthy and may taste good or horrible (again, up to 5)
XD
List one:
1 Any form of pudding
2 Alcohol (You can put drinks too XD)
3 Chips/Crisps
4 Ice cream/lollies
5 Bread and butter
.
List two:
1 Apples and bananas
2 WATERRRRRR (L)
3 Diet drinks and juice
4 eggs
5 Skimmed milk
.
there's my list, have fun!
I'm gonna do more of these XD there fun and get you're lazy arses to COMMENT ;)
I lave you though
You know that obvs.
;)
x

I'm Back Petite Uhm... Compain! [48]

Oh My Gawd.
I'm back!
.
Busy Busy weekend :3
for once.
OMG I'M POPULAR! Well not really, I only saw 3 people. But hey at least I saw some people! Now I feel all gross and in dying need of a LONG COLD SHOWER.
.
Right heres the basics.
I went over Manny's housee :D we went up the shopp... I had an icecream >.< and bought two coke zeros <3
Then Skei turned up like 2/3 hours later. We stay over Manny's after managing to sweet talk Manny's mum and get passed my mums HUGE mood with me for not texting earlier...
The next day We all went up the shop again but this time Joe came along after he got pissed the night before (pfft, I never get pissed. I have no life) had another fucking ice cream aaaand some of Manny's milkshake.
Theeeeennn Manny got his sister to take me and Skei back to my housee and we yeah, he stayed over.
In fact he just left thanks to his fucker of a dad. I dont like his dad. A coke addict, and I dont mean the beverage coke. Yeah full on COCAINE.
Yes well because of the heat I'm sure I've woken up in a different country. STILL haven't tanned my legs, fucking sun, and am becoming more and more tempted to start going for walks again and tae regular cold showers. OMG I might take one everyday which will burn calories and make me skinny! XD Okay, Plan.
As soon as I've finished this post I'm going for a cold shower for about... 30-40 minutes. Plus mayyyybeeee 20 more minutes to wash my hair? I'll just time an hour XD
for every degree my temperature goes down I burn 200 cals... How the fuck am I going to measure the temperature of a shower?
.
But the main point here is I haven't done my English for tomorrow, I've eaten badly and only have 3 days to lose 3 pounds. Three day fast it is!
.
3 day fast
cold showers
If I must eat, have an apple.
Exercise. I don't care if I'm not supposed to! I WILL!
And clean my room. Its a tip.
.
There's my weekend update!
Oh and surprisingly I haven't gained from my bingey fest weekend!
WOOP
Iloveyouu<3
x
.
P.S Spell checker. GO FUCK YOURSELF!!

Morning all.. Even though its 10 o'clock [40]

Arghh.
Okay, heres the deal.
I'm now at 147. A pound away from having lost a whole stone.
I am still going over my calorie limit so I am going to fast Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, then get back to the usual ABC.
I had the realisation today that I am tan and a half stone!
Haha, but yes.
I'm basically killing myself. Too much work to do, and I'm a HUGE percrastinator.
I'm hoping to loose a couple of pounds this week... considering I keep eating too much and now I'm going to starve.
wish me luck. I'm tired now.
x

[38]

I have no social life.
My fucking life is full of obsession.
I have no fucking friends I want to see outside of school.
I have no one I honestly want to see.
I am still not losing fucking weight.
I'm still a pig. Obese. Grotesque.
I'm failing at being a perfectionist.
I'm going to fail my exams.
I'm horribly stressed.
And Dean keeps shoving fucking food in my face!
Fuck. Me.
x

30/5/10 Update [33]

Yess its that dreaded day.

I have done slightly well though I must admit.

.

right so my HW was 160 lbs

whereas now I'm at a CW of 148lbs!

Thats nearly a whole stone!! Just 2 more lbs to go then I'm a stone lighter! Only 3 lbs to go to get to my next target weight! WHOOPEY!

.

And now for the measurements

.

Waist 30 [lost an inch]

Hips 36 [stayed the same-.-]

UnderBust 33 [lost an inch]

Bust 37 [lost an inch]

Upperarm 11 [lost 1/2 inch]

Forearm 8 [lost 1/2 inch]

Wrist 6.5 [lost an inch]

Thigh 19 [lost 1/2 inch]

Calf 13.5 [stayed the same]

Ankle 9 [same]

.

and I cba to do my neck.

And by the way... I didn't know you could lost inches off your wrists!! I thought they were going to stay the same the whole time!

.

Weeeiiiiiiird.

.

ABC diets working for me then ;)

Although next week is going to be a struggle...

I wont be posting next week coz it'll become obvious.

Unless I post in the room I'm staying in at night... Even is Skei sees it I dont care. He knows and he knows that if he tells anyone... Well... Lets just say I've had enough of him, yeah?

Today I'm on 300 calories... and I have friends Coming over. Balls.

.

Well

Thats all I wanted to say XD

Stay Strong Girls and Guys! :D

Until... Some Time Next week or maybe tomorrow morning... XD

x

.

P.S My BMI is now 23.2

and my Waist-to-hip ratio is 0.83 :S I'm at 'moderate Risk'

Fuck

x

Fuck. I'm ILL!! [27]

Urghh. Ill. I hate being ill. Especially this ill when you're on a week fast. So I cant eat anything to make me better. Ahh! And trial exams this week are just a piss take. I want to fall asleep after about 10 minutes of writing. And these friggin' happy pills I take just makes all emotion build up and then explode like a snot bubble. Sorry. That was the best simile I could think of.

Half way through each exam, I give up answering them and put down obviously wrong answers for those I couldn't either answer or understand.

Somethign along the lines of...

excuse me?

you answer it youself

please write it again but in English

and 0.0218736

Beacuse I'm such a genius. HA! Yeah, right.

My fast is going okay. I cant drink just water as I've nearly passed out on several occations in the past two days. So when I get home I offer my Gran a cuppa and make myself coffee. And I'm dieing of no sleep, headaches and hunger. Fuck. I'm thinking of starting the ABC diet next monday, and starting to eat fish again. I obviously dont have enough protine in my system. And I'm craving fish. A weird thing for me to crave really as I never really liked fish too much. But hey, I'll starting eating fish while on my ABC diet and actually eat while tricking my immune system. God. Its been so long since I've eaten 800 cals and not felt guilty. On the ABC diet I can eat 800 cals on certain days! Yey!

I feel uber good generally. I've lost 11 lbs altogether. And now at 149. Sorry if I mentioned it yesterday XD I cant wait until this week is over. I want food. Badly. I have so many meal ideas under 300 calories and they all sound LUSHH!! I want one! I want cereal. I want curry. I want fish and chips! I want dark chocolate! I want Vegetable soup! I want KFC! AHHHH!! I WANT SO MUCH FUCKING FOOD!!

Jesus.

I'm so Fucked.

x