Just itting Back, Watching My Life Crash Down... Burning...

I can see the cracks in my life being forced open with bloodstained hands. Bruised knuckles, stinging scrapes, and searing pain through out my body as I try so hard to keep my world from falling apart again.

It doesn't work.

Right now life's a bit on the poo side. Lets start with Monday. Skei has a new girlfriend. Apparently she's ugly and a slag. Aha! Me and Kitty are weirdly connecting again... I guess it's because me and Skei aren't together.
Everyone is on my side though, which is good. People think it was too soon for him to move on from our year and nearly a half relationship. Apparently he said to someone that he dumped me because he wasn't getting enough sex. Hm.
So really right now I'm rather angry. With a dollop of depressed. Bordering on mental state. But generally very very happy.
He said to me today that he and this girl just clicked, the way we apparently didn't. We were too difficult. Why does he decide to steal my words and use them against me? But the first bit upset me. So I nearly cried infront of Manny and Ted. But because Manny is so brilliant, he cheered me up. And said he's not worth it, etc. which I agree with.

I'm too good for him.

And if he has actually decided to read this then, fucking hell whatta time for you to blogger stalk me again. And right now, I HATE YOUUUUUU! :)

Oh and last weekend me and Rhii were talking about our plans on going to Australia. Yeah, gone out the window. We're putting it off for a few years. When we have money.

And about 20 minutes ago, I found out that my Dad is selling his flat and moving in with Tina. Basically fucking me over with my previous plans for college. Thanks, dick head! I shouldn't call you my Father! He's not going to (or as he says, 'cant') pay for my trip to Cornwall with the school, or a Performing Arts programme at the end of the summer holidays, which costs £800 all together which includes food and boarding. But he's going to pay £100 towards my prom dress, even though he didn't think I was going to prom. Prat.

So my life is being tipped upside down again. I'm being tested.
Thanks to the lack of money my Dad will fork over, Me and Mum are doubtfully going to France in Summer. And I was really fucking looking forward to that.

But on a lighter note. I'm a very good descriptive writer according to my English teacher. I'll post my recent homework on soon so you can have a read.

@Peri
Urm, sure. I dont know what that accent is but OKAY! I feel really bad for not commenting or whatever on your blog :( but it's nearly half term so I'll get a chance to catch up! Thanks for the monologue suggestion, I'll Google it XD
WOOHOO! I can sleep on your couch! You can sleep on mine too! But I live in the middle of no where. Maybe in a few years when I live in London ;D and It'll be a few years until I get a chance to travel to places like New Zealand. But I'll definitely take up that offer ;D
Awh I've been thinking about you too, scary huh? Hm.. by the seems of my reply we'd be better off as e-mail buddies harharr

@Everyone else. I'm going to stalk you in the half term. Expect some comments SOON!

P.S I'm going to see Justin Bieber's new film tomorrow with Manny! HARHARHARR!

You guys give me a second reason to live. I love you.
Really.
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And We Go Roud In Circles... Just One Last Time We Decide To Change...

Hello again.

I have a mega humongous update of a post coming your way.

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First, I just wanna say I was going to post last weekend. But my computer went up the spazzer and I just couldn't be arsed to fix it.

And Thank you to those of you who commented my last post, I only read them today but it made me feel better about posting now. I love you all, really, and I hope some day we all get what we want.

Oh and Peri. I'm not Scottish XD I'm English, but they're both the UK. haha x

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First starting with my shopping trip. Brilliant. I bought 4 books, 2 manga I'd never seen before but though I'd like to read and 2 follow on books from the 'House Of Night' series. Its about vampires and whotnot.

I then got to Boots. I FINALLY BOUGHT MYSELF SOME DIET PILLS!! RESULT! And they are helping me lose a little quicker. Okay a lot quicker.

I also treated myself to a small gingerbread latte from Costa. Mmmm...

My mum was with her boyfriends family sorting out his grans place because she died recently. I picked up about 50 silk scarves and a bog wooden box to put stuff in. Its great, my diet pills live in there along with my lighters.

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I had a college interview on Wednesday. Fuuuuuck my life I have an audition for the Performing Arts BTEC I wanna do in March... But I cant find a decent monologue. Help?

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And one of the biggest pieces if new I have. Thursday. Be and Skei finally ended it. Dont get me wrong, I am a little sad that what we had has ended, but I refuse to cry. I've cried too much for him over the nearly a year and a half we were together. He's my friend with occasional benefits though haha! We're staying friends, and if he hasn't got a girlfriend by prom, I think I might go with him. Our relationship just didn't work. Too much stress on a couple if teenagers.

Now I'm on the rebound. I might just become a slut on a whoring spree. Pfft. Like any one's gonna want me anyway.

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Friday evening I went round Rhii's house. I stayed over, hence the weird time I'm typing (6.49am). Because I had about half an hours sleep at hers. We talked about everything, watched girly films, ate pasta and the BEST chocolate fudge cake I've eaten in GOD KNOWS how long... and loads of popcorn haha.

Rhii's older brother came home from work at around 11, and join us watching WildChild and 17 Again. Funniest thing XD He's not bad looking, specially with his shirt off... But I didn't go all jelloid and he's off limits. My morals. Never go out with a friends brother unless your friend is okay with it. And Rhii thinks its weird and kinda harsh if a friend of hers started dating her brother.

I complained to her in the early hours of the morning when she kept dozing off to give me her friends number so I could text someone while she slept.

I had a VERY long conversation with him. Random too. The basics of the conversation: sex, threesomes, virginity, boyfriends/girlfriends, what we thought of each other, dream girl/guy, dream job. It was great! I'm keeping those texts and currently thinking of a name to give him. I met him back in November so its not just a random text to one of Rhii's friends.

Well it kinda was.

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So I got home at 3pm. Had a shower. Ate loads. Went upstairs to read. Fell asleep. Woke up at half 5.

3 text messages.

My Gran asking if I wanted a jacket potato.

KT saying she wants to meet up in half term.

My Dad telling me he's engaged.

WHAT!

Hm. Well. I guess I'll text him when it gets to a normal time. And my Dad said he was never gonna get married again. Too much fuss, too much money.

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Well, there's my update.

I did get up to 158lbs at one point. Now I think I'm 154 ish? I weighed myself before my shower.

I will be thin. Especially now thanks to my diet pills.

Now I'm going to take some more sleeping pills after a piece of toast, and snooze a bit longer.

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Weirdly enough.

Life is good!

Even though my basoomas are still the size of UFOs.
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I love you all, be happy, fuck love.
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(I nearly crapped myself because I thought I lost my post! Phew!)
x

Gahh :/

Ah, Man Guys!
I'm sorry I haven't posted in like a week?! I've been swamped with Course Work and Exercising with my Gran XD
(Lotsa areobics TV and Stupid questions to answer)
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Right. I was stupid at one point and gained back up to 149. I lost 2 or 3 again, so I'm around 147/146 again. (woop?) And I'm doing well, I do go over my calorie limit but I guess I burn it off and for dinner recently, I've stuck to home made veggie soup (which I dont count as calories coz I'm on the SGD and its a liquid) I've gone off my morning coffee for some reason... but hey, a couple less calories.
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Oh aaaaand I've been feeling FAINT-ISH AGAIN! YEY!
I loooove that feeling, I've missed it soo much!
AND I lost half an inch off my thighs! :o like wow, and my calfs look thinner but they're still 14 inches but hey.
Oh and after the HUGE ammount of exercise I did this week, my arms KILL. So hopefully I'll have sexy skinny arms :3
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I'm going on a school trip in December! I'm going to GERMANY!! :D I've never been to Germany before! :D Its only for 2 days for the Christmas market in Colone (cant spell for shit :3) But should be amazing, I'm hopefully gonna share a room with Anneli, and Manny and Skei will hopefully be able to go so WOOP! Although... Kitty will be going -.- (Thank God the HM wont be going! I dont think...)
So I'll talk about that a bit, and hopefully beable to blog on my phone... Keep you updated. And we only get breakfast on the second day but dont get dinner or lunch either day so I'll be skipping out. I'll take a bag of apples over for my snacks XD
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I had the urge to try and purge (pardon the rhyme) today. Just coz I was in a horrible mood coz my form tutor (lets call him Mr. Nazi...) told me to stop singing. But I went to the bathroom, but people were in there, so I waited a bit until they left, one didn't and turned out someone was crying, so I gave up on that thought and scoffed some chocolates and cereal when I got home. I haven't done any exercise except my P.E lesson and should currently be doing Diploma work -.- fuck that I'll do it later.
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Oh and its reached the time of COLLEGE x.x I'm sooo fucked. I now have no idea where I wont to go :/ I'm just gonna apply to loads and decide out of the ones that accept me. Ahhhh :/
Oh well... I'll go to loads of open days too XD haha just turn up and look at loads of places then decide on one. They all seem good, I guess I'll have to come up with a nickname for the one I finally decide on.. XD Rambling, sorry.
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Over all I've been very busy and you're lucky I've posted today XD
I'm still fat. But I WILL BE FUCKING SKINNY GOD DAMMIT!!!
I'm starting to hate coming up with lists...
some changes you've noticed physically (yes ED related today)
1I have a waist now
2Tiny wrists
3Quite skinny shoulders and arms (still flabby though)
4more abdominem muscle
5my face has thinned out
6when I lay down I can feel my ribs and hips
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oh one last thing, I'm re-reading LoveSick. I'm in need of triggering/thinsperation... whichever :/
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Cheerio (not the food you numpty!)
x

Quoi? Was? Wut? -.-'

Gahh I feel like an Ungly girrrrrl :(
My scales ran outta battery and I have no idea if I've gained or staied the same or what.
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But I've been sort of better with my eating (well, considering my period..) and Skei ate the remainder of the fake snickers and loads of sandwiches XD (chocolate spread, jam and lemon curd..)
Paha!
Omg I'm fattening him up XD
He had a faff with my weird electric muscle building things XD he said it felt funny (no duh, youre being electricuted..)
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*sigh*
I'm bored. Sorry for the crappy blog, I thought I should blog again..
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My glasses broke at the lense place, they were putting the lenses in but the frame broke -.-' had to go get another pair of glasses and ANOTHER pair that were actual glasses and not crappy poser ones... so hopefully I'll have new glasses. But not before my first day back at school (Monday.. faackk) I still haven't read Lord of The Flies... I'll read it tomorrow...
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I dont wanna go back to school but I do aswell.
I dont coz of the people I cant stand and my new maths teacher...
I do coz I'm less likely to eat myself silly... I'm more likely to not eat most the day.. and I have my own living thinspo (and reverse thinspo XD) around me!
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But it's just so much effort... Specially since this year I have to apply to a college and CHOOSE the courses I wanna do... -.-
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Thats it really.
gimme a guilt pleasure of yours.
Mine is watching '13 going on 30' XD
<3
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