'The Only Exception'

Tis My Birthday today.

But heres my problem.

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I told Skei the truth, I got with B.

Now?

He's not sure he loves me, and isn't going to give me the album he was working on for me.

.

Brilliant, right?

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Well now? Yes, what am I going to do?

Well.

I'm not a good guitarist, I can read tabs but thats about it. I'm going to attempt to learn 'our song' in a week. I shall give up every picture I've ever drawn of us, and two canvuses with my 'art' of our relationship on.

.

You think this will work?

Because I have absolutely no idea.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yz8uvwzHtxk

Errrr?

Okay.
Please. Someone SHOUT AT ME I'M A BAD BAD GIRL!!
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I suck at fasting -.- Caved into a cookie (thanks to Skei) and just pigged out on Mac and CHEESE??!!
My God I'm A HUUUUUGE FATTIE!!
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So.. Shout At me!
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I WILL FAST FOR 4 DAYS THOUGH!!
=.= (Determined face)
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Uhm... Right well.
To new followers who haven't bothered to read my character list: I may be getting checked out, but I cant and wont say yes as SKEI is my boyfriend. Just thought I'd clear that up! Incase people didn't know!
Oh and I made a character name mistake last time x.x T and G... No.. Its T and Gaz. Sorry guys XD
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I did my first yoga class todayy!!
It sucked.
It was full of old people who could do MORE THAN ME!
WTF! I'm supposed to be flexable? Fucking hell do I hurt!
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*sigh* Well heres my food plan.
I shall fast for 4 days (til monday) And then move onto my version of Skinny Girl Diet! Basically I halfed the calories so I'd eat less shit and be forced to eat fruit!
Thats like... 3 ish weeks long... I keep forgetting where I left my booklet with it in so I'm not sure. But I WILL FAST =.=
FASTFASTFASTFASTFAST...
I just realised if you type fast wrong it could be 'Fats'
Ironic.
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I've also set up exercises to do each day on my SGD so hopefully I'll loose weight FAST
See what I did there?
No? Okay.. :(
.
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Oh God, I dont want school to start in about 2 and a half weeks!! I have course work to do and a book to read for English! GAHH!!
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But I CBAAAA!!!
Coz, as you all know...
I'M A LAZY FATTIEEE!!
WOO
RUN FATTIE RUN!!
GAHHH!!!
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I have no lists for you... I'll think of one!!!!
*thinks*
Top 3 people you couldn't live with out!!
1Skei.. (feel special BIYATCH)
2Mannyy XD
3All those sexy people out there! My Thinspo's basically XD
.
Spaz list :3
I'll leave before you get TOO scared of me
Again
I'm sorry! I'll stop!
x

I'M BEING CHECKED OUT??????

Ahahahahaa!!

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My God I never thought I'd say that!

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Okay it started at the wedding where I got drunk, the two guys around my age who I got friendly with (thanks to Skei) later in the night (After being rather wasted and T puking a rainbow XD) told me they were both proper checking me out when they first saw me and were doing their weird little signal to eachother meaning they thought I was hot.

.

Oh.

My.

GOD!

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I've never been checked out before! They said they thought I was like 18 (urhh like 2 and a bit years off bbe XD) and the reason they thought I was hot was coz..

-I have nice legs

-I looked cool in my skinnies

-I have a nice bum

-I have a nice face

-I have big boobs

I mean SERIOUSLY?? 2 guys thought(well think..) I'm hot?? And haha... I slept in the same bed as T and Skei... Both in their underwear... teehee ^-^ I feel slightly whore-ish (Yeah Peri You have a point ;]) And T was the Hot one.. G was the short shubby one. Who's room I got changed in before we even spoke XD He was shocked when he found that out. And I was the first girl to stay in his room ;) PAHAHA! I'M SO COOL! XD

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And today in Iceland (the food shop..) This kinda hot guy was checking me out when I was standing with my Gran (PAHA!) I guessed he was checking me out because he was looking at me until he passed me. And he made full 3 second eye contact with me.

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Corr... Am I hot now??? Wow. I don't feel it... But I like the attention XD

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Anyway. I was shocked when I saw the increase in Followers. FANKS PrettyWreck<3>(Btw can someone tell me how to link to other bloggers on my blog? I'm sucha retard)

.

And to whoever likes lists... I LIKE THEM TOO!

Todays list!

5 Favourite possesions. Not people... You don't own people. Well... I don't myabe you do?

Anyway..

1Laptop<3

2My only size 8 shorts

3My Huge comfy trainers that are battered

4My phone...

5My little stuffed toy dog Poppy :3

.

WOO!...

?

I dont know.

One final notice... I'm going to attempt to fast. Yeah. Not much hope really, aspecially for 5 days... BUT I WILL TRY HARD

Ah...

Well... Sayonara <3

x

I Hate Myself. [28]

Fuck.

I hate myself.

I've gained 5 lbs.

I know. I deserve to die. I obviously can't fast. I'm a shitty faster and have let down my ana buddie on PT. I'm sorry! I'm pathetic and useless!!

I almost killed myself yesterday because of all the weight I've suddenly gained again. Skei said its muscle because of my exercises. But its obviously not. I barley exercised this week. And I binged like a cow. I'm working on losing the weight again. God, I cant believe myself! AHH!!

But I'm doing more. Trying to force myself to do my daily sit an push ups. Yesterday I walked quite a bit. Picking bluebells and whatnot. And once Skei left I ran back to my house and round to where the fire is, outdoors, and did 30 star jumps and 12 pushups. So I'm hoping I'll lose the weight fast if I restrict my food again. And since I'm starting the Ana Boot Camp diet on Monday, it'll hopefully work well. And its only about another week until the Pictures are due again! Christ.

After next week is half term. I'll make Skei come out with me around town nearly everyday to keep me moving. And if I buy food I'll only have a bit then give him the rest. Simples.

Oh fuck.

I have to fast on the Wednesday and I honestly dont know how I'm going to get that past my mum and her boyfriend. Balls.

Skei definitly knows now.

Yes he knows I have a crazy ED.

Yet he doesn't quite seem to get how serious this is. But oh well. He might get it if I gain more weight or get to my goal weight of 112 lbs. Which is like centuries off. Sad face.

Ahh. Life sucks, aye?

Yeah It really does.

I have more exams next week. I know. They dont stop. If anyone wants to join me on my ABC diet feel free to comment me. I have about 4 right now. But hey, more diet related ones would be good!

just ask for email :)

I get lonely. HAHA!

bye bubas

x

Background To Me. [25]

I remember growing up for me was a bad experience. All the way through Primary school I would be bullied by all the boys in my class. I was the Fat Girl. No other girl was as fat as me. I was it. Now, thinking back, I may have had a case of compulsive eating passed on from my Mother's excessive eating whenever anything bad happened. For me, I just ate and ate. I had adult portions, plus extra, since the age of around 6. Before 6 years old, I was a normal sized child. I have pictures of me from back then, not particularly thin, but just about right.

Anyway, the weight continued to pile on. I had no clue of how big I really was. I thought I was normal. Then once I moved to the country for year 6 onwards, I still recieved the excessive bullying about my weight. Year 7, I realised how big I really was when I saw a picture of me on my birthday with another fat friend of mine and a skinny one. I was bigger than both of them. I remember that summer, I decided to change. I lost a little bit of weight, not sure how, and cut my hair. I was still fat, I realise that. But through year 8 I grew around 6 inches. I looked thinner, but I was too over weight for my height and age.

Year 9 I got new friends. The Emo crowd. They were what fucked over my eating patterns. There was one girl who would completely stop eating, then binge on shitty foods. At the time she was thin. I started that cycle, desperate to lose the weight I hated. I wanted to be the Hot Friend. Not the Fat one. I became bestfriends with this girl. Over the year I gained more weight but it slowly evened out as I grew another inch or two. I started the cycle of not eating. Then I would binge. Then not eat. It progressed throughout the year. I tried to eat healty in parts of year 8 and 9 but dont remember losing weight. I started going to the gym with my Mother, I gained more weight. I didnt understand it but apparently its natural. Natural? I thought, The gyms supposed to help me lose weight not GAIN it!

At the end of year 9 I dumped my Bestfriend. She was a cow. And at around the same time her boyfriend dumped her. One thing made me happy. She was gaining weight. You could see it. The cellulite on her thighs when she wore shorts, The armpit over hang, obese stomach. I felt slightly enpowered.

Year 10 was when everything started changing drastically involving my weight and eating patterns. I obsessivly googled diets, exercises and anything to help me lose weight. I gave up the healthy option, and went for control. I grew taller, I exercised more and I still had a slight Binge-Purge cycle.

I remember the day I first tried to make myself sick. I had heard more than enough about my boyfriends sexual past. I didnt need to hear that. The thing was... They were probably all skinny. I gulped down so much water I felt overly bloated. The fact I had binged earlier that day meant there was something to come out. So I tried. I locked my bath room door, drank until I almost couldnt breathe, placed my head above the toilet... and stuck my fingers down my throat. I tried various times, nothing came up. Then I nearly did it. But I couldn't. I sat back against the door, puffy, teary eyed, I wanted to die. I wasn't good enough. I mean nothing to anyone. That night I retured to my good old friend, Razor.

After that I turned more into an Ana follower. I still am I suppose. But I started off being a Vegetarian. Then I cut out certain foods. Then I started fasting. Of course all the while my Mother was accusing me of being Bulimic. Which I was for a while. Thinking back I've realised I've converted from ED to ED. First was the compulsive eating. Second was Bulimic Binge-Fast cycle and some abuse of laxatives. Now is Calorie restriction, Fasting and having Ana in my head. My alter, Ana. She tells me how to do it. I'v lost weight now. I'm a little bit happier, But I want perfect. Before I didnt want to have an ED.

But Now.
I Accept it.

Even If I havent Properly Been Diagnosed.
I'd rather not anyway.


x

New Sense Of Emotion [22]

"I Just Wanna Be Worthy Of Love And Beautiful" This lyric spoke to me, standing out from the entire song. Moments ago, I realised all I am really looking for is the feeling of self-worth. Something I've never had before. Although, Yesterday I felt it. I really felt safe and wanted. It wasn't anywhere special. In fact, it was on the train back from London with Skei.

.

Around 20 to 12, stepping off the platform into the slightly full carriage, I grabbed the first set of free seats that came to my eye. Pulling Skei in next to me, I realised how tired I was, from both the current late night and the previous day's walk. We spoke meaningless nothings, until I nearly passed out.

"Hey, if you're going to sleep, I'd rather you fall asleep on my shoulder rather than the seat." I heard him say sweetly to me. Placing a long arm around me, I began to feel protected. Snuggling into his broad shoulder I dozed, slipping in and out of consciousness. Occasionally awake enough to peck Skei, or to hear him tell me he loves me. He placed his jacket over me, even when I had multiple layers on I was still cold.

.

That was beautiful to me. The incredible tingles I once felt have returned to us.

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I feel loved.

.

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We even fell asleep on one another in the car, taking him back home. I want that permanently. To fall asleep and the last thing I see is Skei, and to wake up everyday and he's there. That makes me believe the future might not be so bad. Gives me some kind of hope.

Also gives me hope I will become worthy of that love. I will be perfect for Skei. If not for Skei, then for me. I need this. I know that I will definitely never love me with my body now, so I strive to change that. 'Change is good' as basically anyone in my family tells me mindlessly. Most change is too painful, but this change may be a little painful and a slight sacrifice but it's all worth it.

Unfortunately it was my friend, Bambi's birthday to day and she gave me these cute little rock candies which I inhaled in a matter of minutes. Bad. Very bad. I was planning on a run, then realised I am currently dead from Sundays long walk. I decided to make up for it with a juice and water fast until Friday, or possibly Thursday depending. And I must remember to fit in my exercises. On Saturday I will, WILL, go for a short run and do all my exercises.

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My first hope is that I pass my exams. Mock or not. I took my Practical I.T exam yesterday, I have Functional skills Maths tomorrow and then my Theory I.T on Thursday and some other bunch of exams on Friday, and the week after.

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Corr.

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I really want to collect more sweets and keep them in a jar in my room. They'd be so pretty!

Wow I'm weird.

Oh Well.

Goodbye my sex bombs :D

x

Sundayy... [20]

Sunday..

Riight..

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Well I've done my exercises for the morning.

20 Push-ups

30 Sit-ups

20 Bicycal Sit-ups

10 Leg lifts [Each side, Lying down]

10 Leg lifts [each side, Standing up]

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Haven't gone for a run because it looks aweful outside. and I've now got a pair of jeans on [Which I am scared if I take them off, then I might not be able to get them back on..] YES! I MANAGED TO PUT ON AND DO UP A PAIR OF SIZE 10 JEANS!! AHAHAAA RESULT!! I finished cleaning my room too so that should have burnt an extra few calories. Had my vitimins and 'happy pills'. I think they are just making me emotionally numb. Its weird. I cant feel anything emotional right now, not even depression about my dog dieing. I am convinced there is something wrong with me. I haven't heard much from Ana, Syke and G the last couple of days... I think this numbness is suffocating them.

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I've come up with my own bracelet code to do with my weight.

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Weight and shagband code [Coz I have lots of shagbands]

147 lbs + Orange

140-146 lbs Pink

133-139 lbs Green

126-132 lbs Blue

119-125 lbs Purple

112-118 lbs Black

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Obviously at the moment I'm wearing Orange. I have to lose... *Calculates* around 5.5 lbs or 6.5 lbs depending. But thats not too much. I went on a website which told me how long it would take me to get to my goal weight with a spesific calorie deficite. And I can get to 145 lbs in 18 days with a daily calorie deficite of 1000. And to 140 lbs in 1 month 5 days with the same calorie deficite. So all looks good, just need to stay positive!

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Right this one was shorter than usual, since it's just about midday. So I might post later, tell you guys how everything went. Oh, and I'm going to eat 4 bite size pieces of celery to get used to it, coz I read it burns like 40 odd calories? So yesss...

.

Well must be off!

Think BEAUTIFUL!

x

Failed Fast Day Number 1 [19]

Right. Yes. FAILED.

Started off well. Woke up midday-ish, had a little bit of yogurt. Drank SHIT loads of water. Then I went for a short run with Brandie [my other dog] and picked bluebells on the way back. Researched exercises to do [Found LOADS], Polished off the yogurt, then Dinner rolled round.

Balls.

It wasn't particularly nice either. Cheap thrill.

I'm guessing I ate around 1500 calories :( I will do a PROPER fast tomorrow, Skei is supposed to come round.

When I wake up tomorrow I'll do 20 sit-ups, 20 push-ups and 20 bicycle sit-up things. I did them this morning also. Then midday-ish go for another short run. It was only about 5 minutes but I guess its better than nothing. I have a REALLY bad cardiovascular system. I'm shit at running. I was puffed out after that run this morning but pushed myself to get to my back door before stopping, I ran out my backdoor, round a little pathway thing then stopped to pick flowers then ran back home. Tomorrow I'm gonna aim to run half the perimeter of the near by fields before returning. Hopefully I can do it without stopping. I'll time it too.

I quite like the band 'Too Sorry For Apologies' The Vocalist's voice is so sweet, I don't know what it is but I love voices like that! They have a really nice calming affect on me. I've found a lot of songs that describe how I feel as well. It's really nice hearing it in words. Since I can barley put it in words, ever. Except the odd songs I write.

I've been cleaning up today too. I can now actually see my bedroom floor again! [Corr] and I made everyone a cup of tea, except myself. And I probably should finish cleaning up tomorrow morning before Skei gets here, Just chuck it all in a box and push it in my cupboard.

OHOHOH! I've found exercises to make my bum and thighs smaller! So after so-long I can fit into that size 10 dress! WOO! I'll do those tomorrow too! I've also come up with a list of exercise activities to find a class for, like Tai Chi, Karate, Yoga, Circuit Training ect.

I'll look them up later on my gym's time table, see if they have those classes, and find a friend or two to go with me... Best if I get a few different ones for each thing or they might think I'm over doing it.

Oh AAAAANNDDDD!! I think I may have lost half a pound already :D I weighed myself before my shower and it said 10 st 11.5 lbs! That's after my eating as well!! AHH!! But I cant weigh myself for a good week, coz when you're on your period you're like 2 pounds heavier? So I'll wait until next weekend.

Omg. There's like no classes at my gym for my age! I wanted to try stuff like Boxercise and Yoga but They're all 16+ [Bastard 15 years I have..] so I'm stuck with spinning class and circuits. Or pilates but I tried it once and HATED IT!! I don't have the muscles for it. Might look into finding a new dance class, since I quit mine... Maybe street dance. I dislike most dance, specially Jazz. I guess I'll just try to get to the gym more. Do my own thing as my mum does similar but with less 'Oomph' and watching 'oops TV'. While I just take in the atmosphere. And and fit guys around my age... C'mon, Isn't that what gyms are partly for? Ha!

Oh Google, I do love thee. Google is always there for me when no one else is. It tells me everything I want to know. Like ideal body measurements. 36"-26"-36". Well. I haope for a smaller version. Maybe 26" Waist, 30" hips, 36/38" Bust. Maybe. If I ever get there, If I dont like it, Ill change it. Right now to get to that measurement I need to lose 5 inches off my waist and 2 inches off my bust. I'm at the ideal hip measurement though, probably because I'm 'apple' shaped, therefor, Man shaped. [Fantastic I know..]

Okay now that I've Googled a load of ideal measurements, weights and bmi's I have realised how much I want this. I really [and I am not kidding] want this. I really want to be thin. With a low BMI, small waist, and a light weight. I want to be stared at by everyone in admiration. When I'm walking down the street, catching people glancing at me, girls bitching because I'm thinner than them, guys checking me out because they think I'm gorgeous. Having to turn down dates because I'm taken... God! What a great life that would be!

I can't even wait!

Good Night Beauties

x

*Sigh* [18]

First of all today, I am currently watching America's Nect Top Model. Always makes me more detremined.

Second. I sould stop drinking juice for a while. Because I've had it so much recently I have a pretty bad stomach and probably washed out all the crap inside me by now. So I'll stick to water again.

Third. Just calculated I'm 152 pounds! (VICTORY IS NEAR) I'm so happy I've lost 8 pounds, although I still want to lose more. Also today I've eaten around 400-500 calories. Meh. I'll get stricter. Done my 20 push ups today aswell.

Been carrying on with my wall thinspo and writing more in my diet booklet. I need to decide on what other exercise to do. Any suggestions?

I LOVELOVELOVE having a converter on my phone! So I can specially change my weight from stones to pounds, its increadible. I love it. Its so fun! AHAHA!!

Oh wow... My BMI is 23.8! I swear before I was 26.something! WOO!! Ha! I'm quite happy now.

Although I still want to lose 26 pounds. I hate being Nearly 11 stone. I'm such a perfectonist and so analytical now! Its insane! I swear English has set this off as I've have to analyse everything that passes my reading grip. Shows I can be determined when I want to be. Specially since no one listens or supports me. They can all die in Hell for all I care now. They want me to be fat, obviously. Not gonna happen.

I'm having really bad cravings. For chicken (Though I've been a vegetarian for nearly a year) and Spicy things, yet I cant face eating a vegetarian curry (large portion as my mum always puts on my plate) with white rice. I might ask to change it to the healthier rice, then hav a small bit of curry. Ohhhh lush!

Tomorrow I'm planning a jog. Then on my return to pick flowers to make everyone at home think I'm in a good mood. Paha!

Shall be watching embarrasing bodies XD God some of the stuff on there is actually GROSS with all capital letters.You know, its shocking how many times I've gotten up to pee whilst writing this blog! Thanks to all the water I'm consuming! Freezing cold water too (woo! Burning calories).

I'm also going to try and help out my Gran some more (She's just has a hip replacement so can't do much.) as I helped her once and she gave me a fiver (Result!) and I need some mroe money. It just makes me feel more secure for some reason. Ah, back to my issue about control! Everything I do seems to revolve around my lack of control and finding ways to get some kind of control. God, I'm even self analytical of both my physical appearance and of whats going on inside my head. The underlying issues. I think too much, thats why!

Ahh should get to sleep sometime soon...

Nothing else to say for the moment either

Except

MY STOMACHS STILL GRUMBLING!

baii :)

x

Ahh I Know Double Post.. [17]

Right Several Things.

My stomach officially HATES fast food.
It reacts badly to Yogurt and Apple juice in one day.
And I missed my cervical cancer jab today thanks to my shitty school not telling our parents when they are!! Now my Mum has to sort out me getting it done privately. FFS!

The schools in my area are SHIT!!

Fuuuuuuuuuuckk!!


Just weighed myself :/ 11 stone. Probably coz of the cereal and huge juice consumption of today. I'll fast until dinner tomorrow and have something small for dinner and more water and juice.

I've started on my wall Thinspo, Looking through old magazines and taring out the skinny models and whatnot. Looks pretty good to me. Might take a picture for you all when it's done :D

and whilst going through those magazines I've tared out all the diets and exercise plans out and going to decide what I can actually manage and when I'll do them. Also listening to a Dance Music Channel coz there's nothing else on.

Ahh.. Weekend Fast.

Since last weekend's didn't go too well, and I haven't exactly stuck to my diet since last Friday, I really need to be determined for the next three days. I need to just keep thinking, 'avoid that fatty food and be closer to perfection'... *sigh* I want to be perfect SOO BADLY. It seems no one wants me to be perfect or happy. Everyone [Including my Gran] say I don't need to lose weight, although quite obviously I do. There's been one little nagging feeling recently. 'What If I'm Not Happy Once I'm Skinny??' But I'm ignoring it. Even counteracting it by coming up with 10 reasons why I want to be thin. Fantastic Aye?

Tasks For Tomorrow:
Carry On Thinspo Wall
Look Through The Ripped Magazine Pages And Decide Exercise Shizz
Not Eat. Lol.
Pick More Flowers.
Probably more...

I'll think about it tomorrow.
I might research Kate Moss' diets. Just coz I like Kate Moss. I think shes gorgeous.

If you saw my stack of old magazines, you'd have a real job on your hands. OH I'll do that tomorrow too! Go through more magazines! Corr, Keep me going until Saturday. All through If I have Loads Of Distractions.

Ugh. I don't want to go to Diploma tomorrow. Its all paperwork bollocks. I'm glad I didn't go to school most the week. Skei got suspended yesterday so I didn't really want to be at school when he was at home. He's also moving out of his family's house today. Moving into a friend's house. He cant stand his family anymore, must say I don't like them much myself... One, They think I'm a slut. Two, his Gran Shouted at us the first time I was over. Shoot. Me.

My stomachs still upset from the shitty yogurt. It was gross I must admit. I think I'll stick to my coco nut one. Healthier and tastes better.

I am going on quite a bit aren't I? Oh well! Ahahahaa!
Uhh, well I guess I better get on.

Until Tomorrow Sex Machines! (Ha!)
x

New Set Of Determination [16]

Right, New Determination.

This Month I hope to lose 5 pounds at LEAST!

Since I haven't been to school most the week, I need to start doing more. Its just I'm a lazy bitch and turned down going to the gym this week because I was too depressed. Next week I shall see if Mum wants to go to the gym or not, and in time of Nothing-To-Do I should do sit ups. I haven't done them in a while. Haven't watched t.v in a while either. Also I want to go and pick somemore flowers, make the house smell nice and all that.

I need to stick to my diet again. Shall start that tomorrow and not eat anything else today. Not even hungry at the moment.

I should clean my room... The most I need to do is put some clothes away, some in the washing and put my school books away. And some magazines too.
Theres something I can do tomorrow. Get out all the exercise and diet pages and put them somewhere, like in a folder or on the wall. Or make a huge thinspo on my wall.

Yeahh...

Sounds like fun.
I need to get a bin to put all the random paper thats lying around to recycle. I'll Do that in a second.

Right Thats About All Todayy

Bye All :)
x

ish mish. [11]

right yesterday i was too angry to eat [big ol' situation about im 'not just a fucking bitch im a fat fucking bitch', went off the walls, hit a few things ect..]

so i didnt eat yesterday

ate loads today however. depressive eating. coz basically my dogs gonna die.

went to the gym tho. but deffinetly ate more than i burned.
am going to townio tomorrow. need to get my friend a birthday presant and keep me out of the house. its easier to stay away from food when you hav to pay for it.

sunday i might go for an early walk [whenever i wake up] then weigh, measure and photograph mon fat self :/ christ.

if iv gained that pund back ill be pissed.
i only did 20 minutes at the gym but pushed myself.
on the bikes i alternated between 8 secs of reli fast peadaling and 12 secs of normal for 10 minutes
on treadmill i built up speed to 6.5 mph then went down a little then carried on getting slower for five minutes after the 10 minutes

i reli shouldnt eat breakfast. it makes me want more food.
iv been keeping busy by taking down all my posters on the walls and throwing out the ones i dont want anymore. but im not putting them back up coz it means effort and i want them all up when i live with my dad for collage [in a little over a year]

been making endless lists -.- what to do, what to get, what to get sorted for when... ect.

fast weekend. hopefully makes up for my shitty diet week.

i must say i think my school trousers [which are skinny leg] feel bigger and baggier. i can pull it away from my waist [never been able to do that before] and theres loads of excess space in the leg parts now. could be the wash or maybe i reli am losing weight..
heyyy ^-^

iv developed a compulsion to read or try to find the nutritional value chart on all foods. which is good then i know what im eating.

uhh.

[give up with numbers] # I Dont Care Who Says It, It Just Proves Its Not All In My Head. I Really Am Fat And Im Not Good Enough For Anyone.

i need to drink more water. im like dying. iv had 2 bottles and a can of coke zero [which has one calorie which is pretty amazing]

tomorrow i might let myself have the 20 blue berries that have been in my fridge for a couple of days. they might go off other wise and itll keep my body going for longer. then more water <3

corr..
tough work this getting thin thing aint it?

one last thing.
im gonna put thinspo on my blogs except the ones with my photo progress on.
so WOOP
lots of pretty skinny girls on my blog to motivate me

bye all ;)
x

Cocolate is the DEVIL!! [6]

hm well iv been swaping and changing what im eating -.-

and not finishing alot of my food.


i really need to drink more water, im getting dehidrated and really hungry. WATER IS GOD CHOCOLATE IS THE DEVIL. mehhh
iv been craving chocolate too. i just ate about 6 pieces.. i need to remember to drink the healthy hot chocolate for my cravings. and more milk and shizzle to make me grow another inch or two. -.- im like RIGHT on the boarder of being classed as short in the modelling world [who knows what i wanna do when im older] so another inch or two would be great for me :) my ideal height is 5'10 anyway. three inches taller than i am now.


so im adding eggs to my diet. and milk coz the protine and calcium makes the bones bigger and stronger meaning ill grown taller. and some exercises. must sit up straight too =.=

Mon lovely friend Em complimented my legs today :) aparently i have lovely legs ^_^ wow! right im in the mood for some milk... ill get some in a bit, when im done here.

iv not been keeping to my diet too well but iv been keeping to the timing well. not eating after six. ahh... i duno what to dooooooo!! help meee :(

#3 I Think That If I Lose That Little Bit More Weight, You'll Love Me That Little Bit More.

well im off.
must keep moving some more.. *sigh*
wish losing weight was easy -.-

oh well.
x

AHHHHHHHHHH

okay todays diet went well

then my friend shoved some chocolate down my throte. and i had a bowel of special k. but thats not so bad, only coz the 2 bananas i ate didnt reli fill me up and so i thought 'well lets go for something healthy'

but now my mum has accused me of being bulimic. WTF.

she asked what i was having for dinner and i said my cereal. then she sed 'oh really well are you going to throw it up after?'
honetly.
what in fuck.
'well youre not eating so its all a bit suspisious' ???? hows not eating bulimic?? thats anorexic. god i do hate me mother sometimes. i reli need a proper therapist.
she was all 'well iv been there before i kno the signs' -.- just coz her friend was bulimic at school DOES NOT MEAN SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT EDs!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK!!!!

i had p.e today. sprinting. so burned alot of calories im guessing.

planning on having a fag on thursday. with my lovely friend CRAIIIIIIIGG! <3 hes amazing reli. and smoking burns calories rightt??

oh yes and iv been fidgeting all day and didnt eat a wham thingy earlier.

proudd! :3

AIMING FOR SIZE 10!! hell yeah.

i could do with some support. :/ i really want to lose weight! AHH

might start putting secrets on these things. related to this obviously.
heres my first

#1 Ever Since You Told Me About Those Other Girls, I've Starved, Counted Calories And Tried To Make Myself Sick.

its true. i have a feeling my mums not far off. i think i might have an ED... hm.

well yeahhh
post tomorrow!
x

Weightloss Blog 1

Intro: Heyyy, right Im going to do this for myself, and if anyone wants to follow my footsteps feel free, i dont care :L this is just for me, im writing for my benifit. coz i wanna lose weight. :L blaitz so thats all. yes
Me Now >.<
VV

Sunday-11/4/10

Weight: 11 st 1 lb

consumption: carton of orange juice.

Diet Plan: Rainbow.

rules:

WILL weigh myself EVERY sunday

WILL potograph every 4 weeks.

Monday and Tuesday.

FAT BITCHHH!!!!

epicly failed my diet. ate crisps on monday and chocolatey sweet things on tuesday but hopefully burnt quite alot of it off *crosses fingers*

determined to follow diet on wednesday. [fast day] hopefully easy. i shall be busy with Skei all day anyway. :)