It's not going well...

I can't seem to stick to any diet or fasting ritual I've ever done before. Fuck my life.
I remembered a teacher at my Diploma (Who, admittably, I didn't like) telling us about 'Breatharianism', as her mother-in-law was a Breatharian. Well I did some research (And printed well over 13 pages worth of stuff) and Have decided to give this a try.

I am a Breatharian!
But I'm keeping it quiet. People thought I was weird enough for being Vegan (which did not go at all to plan) imagine what people would say when I say 'I live off Air, Light and the Universe'...
They'd send be straight back into CAMHS.

I'm also going to try and get on the tread mill more often. I'm bordering on 160lbs again (and that was a few days ago at the beginning of my binge.) and I don't like seeing it. I don't like feeling my tighs and belly jiggle when I walk. Seeing as I don't go to school at the moment except for exams I should find exercise easy to fit into my life now. Wrong. But I have been going out a lot and walking basically everywhere, which (If I can stop fucking eating) will make me skinny.

Prom is about a month away.
ONE MONTH to at least begin to fix this mess I've made of myself. Then another month to make me skinny for my Drama course. Sharing a mini-apartment with 4 other girls, I may kill myself if I'm not skinny.

My mum's having a BBQ at the moment. I'm being anti-social as I don't know or want to know anyone outside. And I'm tired. And the weather is shit. Quelle Suprise.

I'm also looking into Gym classes at the local Health Centre. For the days I don't leave the house, this would be good. I find classes more motivating anyway... I can't exercise on my own anymore unless I'm in a blazing mood.

This was my fitness and diet update really... No social life crept in this post! XD
If a certain someone doesn't see me tomorrow then I'll post (maybe), if he does... I'll post later (maybe).
I'm unreliable.
I hope you're all doing well. I still haven't caught up :/ I will get round to it sometime!!

Stay strong everyone!
Sending out virtual luuuurve <3
Kodii
x

Greetigs To My Lovely Friends Who Understand Me More Than My Real Life Friends Do...

It's been too too long. I apologise. 3 months nearly, Corrr...
I had to take time for myself. I felt ashamed (as you do when you gain 20lbs in 2 months) and couldn't face coming back. I was also trying to distract myself from Skeii (Who, as it turns out, wants me back. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!).

Heres an over view.
I got with Skeii's friend, Jed. (I am changing peoples names again coz I'm annoying.)
I'm smoking A LOT. And so is Manny.
I'm cutting again. Becase I got so desperate that I decided to use a knife until I found a lose razor blade which is my best friend.
I got with some dude... cringe.
I'm hopfully gonna get with this nearly-18-year-old guy called Justin Pike.
I got 37 out of 40 marks on a Diploma project (highest in my class! SCORE!)
I've discharged myself from my out-of-school counselling today.
I'm gonna get a bonzai tree! HAHA
I'm going to Spain in the summer (Ahhhh... Lushh!)
AND.
I am nearly on study leave. (20th May)

Generally, things are better. I know I'm not over Skei but I am working through it with the help of my dearest friend Manny.
And I shit myself when I saw how many followers I now have (even though I haven't posted in forever).
FORTY! AHH!!
Made me happy.

Here's where I become honest about my weight and diet problemo.
I got to 164/165 ish lbs.
I have been starving myself (for the first time since before Christmas) for 2 days.
I'm at 158.6lbs I think?
I have a lot of updating to do, but I am happier because now I can half focus on not eating but not so much that I have to eat. I'm proud of myself today. I feel like nothing can take me down right now.

I feel... Almost Free.

I love you guys. I'm sorry for not commenting or posting or even reading.
I will read the usual lot of blogs I read as soon as I'm finished updating.

Also, If anyone wants to be an e-mail buddy in case I dissapear again, contact me at: crazyxangel@hotmail.co.uk

I feel Powerful.
x

Work It, Burn It, Use It, Lose It..

I'm not even going to think about what I've been doing this weekend. Not even going to go there.
.
Haven't weighed since Friday. Dont currently wanna know but I guess I'll weigh tomorrow.
.
Back to fasting. I've been horribly bad. Stupidfatuckingcowoodmonster. Adding small bits of exercise, ones to strengthen my ankles and legs, I have weedy ankles in training for Prom. Still cant find a dress, I'm gonna try and find somewhere to make it for me. Specially after trying on a dress and it being too baggy for my torso but too small for my tits. Dresses are made for fat girls with no tits. Sorry, but I am fat with huge tits, thats how it normally works folks.
.
I feel huge right now.
.
I hop I haven't gained too much, I mean school has kept me up, and so has cleaning, and cooking, and helping my Gran.
I found out my Mock exam results... I actually did better then I expected.
English Lang- C
English Lit - B
Maths - C
Science core - A!!
Science App - B
Citizenship - C
German Listening & Reading - B!!!
R.E - F... which made me LOL
.
They're only trials, I've still got the real ones to come so hopefully I'll do this well on my real ones.
.
I spoke to my mum about Paris. We've decided to go after Prom, when the weather should be nicer. So hopefully by then I'll be 126 or less! Dream come true. I'm once again determined to lose this weight and get to 140lobs by 31st January!!!!!! Yes.. I might go weigh myself after this post. I hate waiting til morning.
I'm getting my gym membership back for a month before Prom. Because my mummy is lovely and knows how important it is to look pretty at Prom. Me and KT are planning on going together (shes 2 years younger so she'd join me after school and on weekends) I think I'll go everyday to to gym before she comes out of school, do the gym for an hour or so, then meet her outside and book a class together :) I feel so cool.
.
First I must focus on loosing NOW. No more shit food, only soup if I am hungry, Maybe start walking home form the bus stop. No its too cold. Haha. Little work outs everyday for my ankles, etc. More water again, and black coffee... Damn me being so dehydrated and thinking I'm hungry.
.
Well I think I'll stop there.
Here's a really nice song my friend just linked me to...
Emma's Imagination - This Day
x

Let Me Dissapear In A Puff Of Smoke, Let Me Die Of Fattness

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY BODY!
.
I lost weight after Christmas.
Then I gain 2lbs OVER NIGHT!
Thats it. I'm fasting and exercising to within an inch of my life!!
.
Weight: 146.8 (when I first weighed myself it said '146.6' so I got fatter in about 5 minutes.)
Waist(at belly button): 35
Waist(smallest part): 31
HipBones: 37
Hips/Arse: 37.75
ForeArm: 8
UpperArm: 10.5
Elbow: 9.5
Wrist: 6
Thigh: 19 (MY LEGS GOT FATTER!!)
Knee: 13.5
Calf: 13.5
Ankle: 9
.
FML.
I'm off to exercise.
And not eat.
I'm never eating again.