Just itting Back, Watching My Life Crash Down... Burning...

I can see the cracks in my life being forced open with bloodstained hands. Bruised knuckles, stinging scrapes, and searing pain through out my body as I try so hard to keep my world from falling apart again.

It doesn't work.

Right now life's a bit on the poo side. Lets start with Monday. Skei has a new girlfriend. Apparently she's ugly and a slag. Aha! Me and Kitty are weirdly connecting again... I guess it's because me and Skei aren't together.
Everyone is on my side though, which is good. People think it was too soon for him to move on from our year and nearly a half relationship. Apparently he said to someone that he dumped me because he wasn't getting enough sex. Hm.
So really right now I'm rather angry. With a dollop of depressed. Bordering on mental state. But generally very very happy.
He said to me today that he and this girl just clicked, the way we apparently didn't. We were too difficult. Why does he decide to steal my words and use them against me? But the first bit upset me. So I nearly cried infront of Manny and Ted. But because Manny is so brilliant, he cheered me up. And said he's not worth it, etc. which I agree with.

I'm too good for him.

And if he has actually decided to read this then, fucking hell whatta time for you to blogger stalk me again. And right now, I HATE YOUUUUUU! :)

Oh and last weekend me and Rhii were talking about our plans on going to Australia. Yeah, gone out the window. We're putting it off for a few years. When we have money.

And about 20 minutes ago, I found out that my Dad is selling his flat and moving in with Tina. Basically fucking me over with my previous plans for college. Thanks, dick head! I shouldn't call you my Father! He's not going to (or as he says, 'cant') pay for my trip to Cornwall with the school, or a Performing Arts programme at the end of the summer holidays, which costs £800 all together which includes food and boarding. But he's going to pay £100 towards my prom dress, even though he didn't think I was going to prom. Prat.

So my life is being tipped upside down again. I'm being tested.
Thanks to the lack of money my Dad will fork over, Me and Mum are doubtfully going to France in Summer. And I was really fucking looking forward to that.

But on a lighter note. I'm a very good descriptive writer according to my English teacher. I'll post my recent homework on soon so you can have a read.

@Peri
Urm, sure. I dont know what that accent is but OKAY! I feel really bad for not commenting or whatever on your blog :( but it's nearly half term so I'll get a chance to catch up! Thanks for the monologue suggestion, I'll Google it XD
WOOHOO! I can sleep on your couch! You can sleep on mine too! But I live in the middle of no where. Maybe in a few years when I live in London ;D and It'll be a few years until I get a chance to travel to places like New Zealand. But I'll definitely take up that offer ;D
Awh I've been thinking about you too, scary huh? Hm.. by the seems of my reply we'd be better off as e-mail buddies harharr

@Everyone else. I'm going to stalk you in the half term. Expect some comments SOON!

P.S I'm going to see Justin Bieber's new film tomorrow with Manny! HARHARHARR!

You guys give me a second reason to live. I love you.
Really.
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And We Go Roud In Circles... Just One Last Time We Decide To Change...

Hello again.

I have a mega humongous update of a post coming your way.

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First, I just wanna say I was going to post last weekend. But my computer went up the spazzer and I just couldn't be arsed to fix it.

And Thank you to those of you who commented my last post, I only read them today but it made me feel better about posting now. I love you all, really, and I hope some day we all get what we want.

Oh and Peri. I'm not Scottish XD I'm English, but they're both the UK. haha x

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First starting with my shopping trip. Brilliant. I bought 4 books, 2 manga I'd never seen before but though I'd like to read and 2 follow on books from the 'House Of Night' series. Its about vampires and whotnot.

I then got to Boots. I FINALLY BOUGHT MYSELF SOME DIET PILLS!! RESULT! And they are helping me lose a little quicker. Okay a lot quicker.

I also treated myself to a small gingerbread latte from Costa. Mmmm...

My mum was with her boyfriends family sorting out his grans place because she died recently. I picked up about 50 silk scarves and a bog wooden box to put stuff in. Its great, my diet pills live in there along with my lighters.

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I had a college interview on Wednesday. Fuuuuuck my life I have an audition for the Performing Arts BTEC I wanna do in March... But I cant find a decent monologue. Help?

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And one of the biggest pieces if new I have. Thursday. Be and Skei finally ended it. Dont get me wrong, I am a little sad that what we had has ended, but I refuse to cry. I've cried too much for him over the nearly a year and a half we were together. He's my friend with occasional benefits though haha! We're staying friends, and if he hasn't got a girlfriend by prom, I think I might go with him. Our relationship just didn't work. Too much stress on a couple if teenagers.

Now I'm on the rebound. I might just become a slut on a whoring spree. Pfft. Like any one's gonna want me anyway.

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Friday evening I went round Rhii's house. I stayed over, hence the weird time I'm typing (6.49am). Because I had about half an hours sleep at hers. We talked about everything, watched girly films, ate pasta and the BEST chocolate fudge cake I've eaten in GOD KNOWS how long... and loads of popcorn haha.

Rhii's older brother came home from work at around 11, and join us watching WildChild and 17 Again. Funniest thing XD He's not bad looking, specially with his shirt off... But I didn't go all jelloid and he's off limits. My morals. Never go out with a friends brother unless your friend is okay with it. And Rhii thinks its weird and kinda harsh if a friend of hers started dating her brother.

I complained to her in the early hours of the morning when she kept dozing off to give me her friends number so I could text someone while she slept.

I had a VERY long conversation with him. Random too. The basics of the conversation: sex, threesomes, virginity, boyfriends/girlfriends, what we thought of each other, dream girl/guy, dream job. It was great! I'm keeping those texts and currently thinking of a name to give him. I met him back in November so its not just a random text to one of Rhii's friends.

Well it kinda was.

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So I got home at 3pm. Had a shower. Ate loads. Went upstairs to read. Fell asleep. Woke up at half 5.

3 text messages.

My Gran asking if I wanted a jacket potato.

KT saying she wants to meet up in half term.

My Dad telling me he's engaged.

WHAT!

Hm. Well. I guess I'll text him when it gets to a normal time. And my Dad said he was never gonna get married again. Too much fuss, too much money.

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Well, there's my update.

I did get up to 158lbs at one point. Now I think I'm 154 ish? I weighed myself before my shower.

I will be thin. Especially now thanks to my diet pills.

Now I'm going to take some more sleeping pills after a piece of toast, and snooze a bit longer.

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Weirdly enough.

Life is good!

Even though my basoomas are still the size of UFOs.
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I love you all, be happy, fuck love.
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(I nearly crapped myself because I thought I lost my post! Phew!)
x

Merry Christmas To All, And To All A GoodNight!

Who's going to be abusing her laxatives tonight?
I AM!!
*face palm*
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Okay, today wasn't so bad! Tina's mum was lovely. So was Tina's daughter. She was bloody funny I must say! Charlie SPOKE! Second time I've met him, he spoke to me in conversation. And LOL my hair is shorter than his! Haha! Well, mine isn't shoulder length anymore, and the back of his is going down his shoulders so... LOL!
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I helped Tina and my Dad cook. I actually had a small plate of food, barely covering the surface of my plate when everyone else was PILED on. I didn't even finish it. Then... Fuck me... Came the chocolate gateau. I had a 'small' piece. Meh. It was medium. I ate slowly all day! Whoopeyy!! But. I had some chocolate. Like 10. Buuuut, I'm planning on doing mad dancing for God knows how long after I finish my post.
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I got make-up from my Dad and Tina. :/
But, its good quality make-up so I'm not too fussed. I would have preferred perfume, like the last present I received from my Father. I also had some alcohol. Not alot. I tried a bit of everything I was offered.
Half a glass of rose. 2 sips of Sambuka. A mouthful of Bailey's.
Sambuka is foul. Never ever again.
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So really. I didn't do too badly. Tomorrow I'll only have soup and a SMALL piece if cake IF I actually want what we have. I will cut it myself this time!
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I learnt how to play Poker! I was shit but it was fun, specially after I got Charlie and Kally (Tina's daughter) to join in with me, Tina and Dad. Kally taught us how to play properly, coz apparently Tina's was telling us wrong. Ha. Made my day.
BUUUUUT.
I haven't opened many presents. *sad face*
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That will be tomorrow.
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I have to wait.
RIGHT NOW I have to dance off this chocolate and alcohol.
I might have a glass of wine tomorrow too.
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I'm trying to keep my system clear for New Year.
Heh heh.
I'm soo gonna get trashed.
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'Behave little boy, you better sit back down, you better hold your ground' - Papa Roach - Binge

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Christmas Isn't Quite Today...

I feel like my picture.
XD
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I'm dreading Christmas.
Just the thought of seeing my Dad, having to play nice. Around Tina(My Dad's girlfriend)'s family (Including Charlie, YEY! XD) trying to make sure my skirt isn't too short as to not offend Tina's mum, Focus on eating v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y, and as little at possible and also explain to my father when he picks my up that I refuse to open any presents in front of Tina's family. Seeing as, I dont know any of them.
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Argh. Frustration. I've been in a pretty pessimistic mood all day, sitting around watching TV feeling knackered. But I tried to get into the Christmas spirit by joining my Gran in making place settings for everyone, and also setting up the table, etc. for Boxing Day.
(I also had a small piece of cake... I dont think its bad coz my body needs to get used to food again anyway... It was VERY SMALL I promise.)
I also smell like Cinnamon incense as I lit one downstairs.
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Oh and my Grandfather is pissed. Stupid old twat.
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OHOHOH! I ALMOST FORGOT (I dont know how I managed to forget THIS!)
I jumped on (okay, stepped, I'd never get on the scales with enthusiasm...) the scales and saw...
DUM DUM DUUUUM!
146.4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHH!!! WHOOPEYYYY!!!
Personally I think I rule right now! ;D
Thats... WOW exactly 3 lbs! :o
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I've now come to LOVE fasting! I remember the days when it was SO DAMNED DIFFICULT! HAHA! I'm so proud of myself right now! I'll weigh myself again tomorrow morning before I start getting ready to see my Dad, and I'll post tomorrow. Something more Christmassy, maybe? (I'm trying to figure out how many days loosing 3lbs took me...) FUCK BARLEY 3 DAYS!
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Heeheeheee... Thats put me in a good mood for tomorrow. I bet I've gained because the small bit of cake. I'll do my exercises tomorrow too... and more. I think.
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BWAHAHA!
Right, back to my Christmas day dread. Mehh. I dont know these people well enough to feel comfortable. Even worse, good-looking 16 year old will be around. I MUST NOT LOOK LIKE A PIG! Or a slut come to think of it. He's basically my unofficial step-brother. I may say this to him if we ever get talking. I'd like another friend. Specially an out of school one XD They're usually the most interesting anyway. Ahh
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NEWS JUST IN
MY MOTHER BOUGHT ME A TAKE AWAY CURRY!
FOR FUCKS SAKE WOMAN NOOOO!
THIS IS WHY YOU'RE SO FAT MUM!
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Apologies. Just had to put that out there. -.-
My family are so difficult. Morons.
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I guess I should stop there?
:/ I've run out of interesting things to say...
I'll post tomorrow... but considering I might over sleep and might not get time to post.
Merry Christmas!
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'I wish I was someone other than me, Fighting to keep the mirror happy' - Bethany Dillon - Beautiful