Crystal Flakes Of Glass Are Falling, Floating, Melting.

The snow is for looking at, not playing in.
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I have a love/hate relationship with snow. I hate it because it melts on my feet, soaking my socks and freezing my toes off. Also, its just cold. I love it because it gives me reason to wrap up and wear huge jumpers, and it looks beautiful.
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Theres so much snow, its insane. It began to melt around midday though, so it might be gone by tomorrow. I'm hoping to get out of the house. Theres nothing to do when Skei is here. I can think of lots of stuff to entertain me when I'm alone, but with Skei... fuck we have nothing to do and he wants my attention. I DONT KNOW HOW TO GIVE ATTENTION WITH OUT MOANING. Really, our relationship revolves around looking pretty together, sleeping and watching Naruto. Thats it in a nutshell. Slightly deeper? He's madly in love with me and I have no idea if I still love him because he's (dare I say it) so needy. Apparently I come off as needy and clingy? OMG I DONT SEE THAT?! I need to sort myself out.
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On the plus side. I'm 145.4lbs! Freshly weighed this morning before my shower! Success!! Only 5 and a bit more pounds to lose in... 13 days! I CAN SO DO THAT! I've calculated (In my many bored moments) that I have lost at least a pound a day!! Still haven't technically eaten. Made more soup, had half of if for lunch, the rest for tomorrow. I also had a lot of chocolate milk shake today which kept me full and also tropical juice. Nom! I'm so proud of myself. Tomorrow I am going to burn off some boredom energy and force Skei out of bed and go for a walk. If he doesn't get up then I'm going to do a work out video! I do love sky! (Fitness TV anyone?)
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I've been cooking most the day, I helped my Gran make 2 other soups for everyone else and I did a quick sweep of the living room. OMG! I could do some cleaning tomorrow! Perfect ;)
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I've also noticed that I dont seem to look any thinner, even though I apparently am. I hate that so much.
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I made another blog. ED's Cook Book. Its gonna have my recepies and one I like on there, atm its just got soup! XD Look it up and follow if you're interested!
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I may go back down stairs seeing as Skei has fallen asleep (at 20 to 7)... Coz I'm bored.
And I dont like the amount of effort needed to wake him up.
My God its ALOT!
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Hm...
Maybe I'm not old enough for a relationship like this?
BOLLOCKS!
Dont start with that malarkey again Kodi!
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Skei doesn't like the thought of me being skinny like the thinspo picks I post... He thinks ribs are weird. (How dare he!?) He would just have to deal with it if I ever get that thin.
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Well I shall post you all tomorrow a quick update of weight, and maybe I'll measure too? Excite Skei a little when he has to measure my boobs...
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'How Can You Love Me When I Am Ugly?' - LIGHTS - cant remember the song...
x

The Thought Track To The Perfect Girl...

TheFatherOfLies Says:
-very pretty
-adorable
-cares about what I think
-always up for it ;)
-eyes that can melt my soul
-soft sweet lips
-long hair
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Thats a short list of Skei's perfect girl.
I'm not like that. Why does he want me?
-I'm ugly, or at least average
-I'm a lunatic
-I'm a bitch.
-I never want to do it because I'm too fat and ugly.
-My eyes are... meh.
-I have thin lips for a girl.
-I cut my hair short.
WHY DOES HE LIKE ME? And here we go again, Do I like him? God damn the fact I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel if I'm in love. Am I supposed to have butterflies, because I don't have them. I just dont know! I want to be with Skei, because fuck knows how hard I've tried to keep him. I dont deserve anyone to love me... Is it bad that I can see a life with out Skei in it?
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How do you guys feel about your love interests?

"I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fuckin' scared of him" 3OH!3 - Dont Trust Me

Confessionnnnnnn :/

Right I cant tell you everything, coz A) I don't remember everything and B) I need to be careful of what I say seeing as Skei follows my blog (sure he hasn't been on in a life time but I really dont want to fuck up my chances with him... Again)
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Okay, I'll start by saying.
I went to the bonfire. I didn't meet up with Manny, I brought Alcohol, I dressed like a slut (for me anyway) and met up with a friend I haven't mentioned yet (Kayla) and Zaner and This dude I have yet to decide if he's worthy of a permanent name.
I'll just call him B.
I shared my beers and vodka (one bottle of WKD Blue and one of Smirnoff Ice) with Kayla and we put her Gin in this big bottle of Orange tango or something... So we were walking round the theme park, Kayla didn't have a lighter with gas so had to find a slag to light her fag for her XD, I got a couple of tokes (OMG I MISS CIGARETTES) I was immensely light headed, which is why I love cigarettes.
we had some gin with Tom W (I know a lot of Toms, So I'll think of a proper name for him some time...)we were rather tipsy and tried to find a toilet, decided against the porta loos considering... they. didn't. flush.
Ergh.
Seriously Sick.
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We ended up getting lost! I mean wtf! We were aiming for McDonalds but found a pub to use their toilet XD we tried to get back to the fair, had to ask a taxi driver and a fat man how to get there and Tom had to leave or he'd have no lift home.
Me and Kayla were strolling along, tipsily and all lesbianish. We got back to her house (tah much to my muuum -.-) along with B and Zaner.
Well guess what.
I DRANK MORE. I GULPED down vodka and lemonade and gin and orange tango and gin and coke. I was totally wasted. I realised this morning HOW MUCH I spoke about Skei. I was topless at one point (with my bra on too) and have a love bite on my boob from Zaner. Me and Kayla ended up sleeping in her sister's bed, completely out of it.
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Now thats what I call pissed.
That was not disappointing. I couldn't even sit upright! I was swaying and going to the bathroom to drink water (coz I'm smart enough to know that if you drink enough water, you wont be sick or have a hang over).
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I slept about 2-3 hours.
I was awake in the early morning for about 2-3 hours thinking. YES. ABOUT SKEI.
Honestly, I need to last this one more week, until he comes over mine next Sunday like he promised as a birthday thing. He said he'll get me a present. Something Tom said though... I thought Skei stopped weed, or at least tried to cut down, according to Tom... He thinks he still does it daily...
Well at least I keep up my brilliant 'I can find out anything you hide from me'-ness...
How depressing.
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But today after everyone woke up (Zaner is having similar problems with her boyfriend :/ how unfortunate) Zaner and B left for food coz Kayla had basically none in her house.
SHE HAD SOUP FOR BREAKFAST!!!!!
HAHAHA
But later, we went up the shops and got a packet of biscuits each (I ATE A WHOLE PACKET) And a little bag of chocolate buttons we shared. And I met her dad and we ate at KFC (:/) I had fries and a milkshake to be polite...
When I finally got home... I weighed myself before my shower (I probably stank of Gin and fags) I weighted.....
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147
I Was So Fucking Shocked. I drank so much, including non-diet fizzy drinks, ate a whole packet of biscuits with chocolate on them, some chocolate buttons, fires with tomato sauce and a milk shake.
And I barley gained a pound?
WHOOPDEY DOO!
But I still hate myself, my relationship with Skei, and my constant (almost bipolar) moods.
And After all thats happened, all I got was sleeping pills, which didnt work.
OH.
Before I forget. Skei's cousin was FUCKING TEXTING ME! WTUF! I've never even met that cousin and he was like, 'I've been hearing things about you' and it took so fucking long for him to say 'you two shagged'. What the Utter. Yes, and? I've been with him for a year... I'm pretty sure I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM! And he's fucked plenty of other chicks, so why do you decide to pick on me? And how the fuck did you know!?
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Life.
Sucks.
ARSE.
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It's so confusing. I need to sleep for like 3 days.
Thanks for that comments btw.
Next weekend Kayla's coming round (Friday to Saturday) and we're gonna get drunk, rave and she's giving me a present. (she gave me an awesome lighter that when you click the flame on, LIGHTS FLASH! And there's this little light at the other end! But that's not my present XD)
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And for the next week, I'm living off of liquids.
Nothing for breakfast (maybe juice)
No Lunch (I'll have water)
Soup for dinner.
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I refuse to eat properly until I have things sorted out with Skei.
This is the only way I can hurt myself now.
I cant find my FUCKING RAZOR.
DAMN IT!
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G'Bye.
I do love you.
I love people I hate more than I love myself...
x

Good Girl? Okay?

I'm in a lesbian mood today... I think its because of my period? Do you guys get that? Or am I just extremely weird? XD
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Yet another body I am jealous of!
Although my best thinsperation is at school. Some girls are just grotesque (ehem.. Kitty) And I feel normal sized (or at least in proportion compared to them) and some random compliments occasionally XD
Like 'You have really nice legs!'
Tbh.. isn't that a weird thing to say? 'I want your legs!'
Okayy... well I'm not giving them to you?! o.O
HAHA! Even worse one I get, 'I want your boobs!'
Err, sure you do?! x.x
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Oh yes, I'm a good girl. I've actually STARTED doing the coursework I was given before summer XD
Done one piece, started reading 'Lord of the Flies'. Apparently its a gruesome book (Says my Gran XD) about kids turning cannibal... well lets hope it puts me off my lunch!! :D
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But I haven't made corrections for my Citizenship. I might just ask Carpet (my Mum's boyfriend XD) to do it as he's the one basically writing it for me haha!
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OMG.
I'm nearly 16... o.O
Feels so weird! Unfortunately I cant drive... but I can FUCK! XD Paha! And I'm applying for some type of ID so I can go to concerts with out needing to take my facking(that mistake is on purpose ;]) passport with me! WOO! And I signed up for a Tesco clubcard... I'm so cool! XD I've got all sorts of soppy cards for saving money at places now! All in preparation for living with my Dad for two-three years! o.o I have so much I need to move out though! But I'm gonna be nice and let my mum keep some DVDs I have XD lovely ain't I? Oh and I'm gonna let her take a picture of me on the morning of my first day starting year 11(My final year!!)... Coz her and my Gran always complain they don't have any pictures of me at my age. Well duh!
I'm a teenager, we stay away from family camera flashes!
Ha, teenagers are like Vampires or Owls.
Owls.
We sleep all day coz we were up all night on the computer or (the ones who have a social life) partying.
I'm the computer one. Obvs. -.-'
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My back huuurts :( GAY PERIOD.
Oh... Irony.
If you don't get it then look what I said at the beginning of this post!!
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Faack I rambled alot today!!
OHOHOH
List for today.
3 random facts about yourself!
1- I read all of my blog posts at least twice. Once before I post and once after.
2- I have an Anorexic friend I intend on fattening up when school starts coz she's been in hospital too many times. Makes me sad. I promise its a good thing XD
3- I never had any imaginary friends as a kid. My toys were my friends. TT_TT
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Okay there's mine!
I hope you don't leave me coz of how weird they are XD
I lave you!
Oh btw...
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You're all beautiful!
Or hot if you're a guy XD
x