Achh, Ashamed At My Own Desision

This is so not fair.
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WARNING!
I am about to whine about me being stupid.
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Me and Skei are on a break. -.- I told him we needed to talk, and I said that I've found the recent few weeks quite difficult for us. And I gave him three options to think about.
1) stay together and try harder
2) go on a break, sort our selves out a little, and get back together after a few weeks.
3) just break up.
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He thought about it for 2 lessons and we talked about it for most of Lunch break.
2-3 weeks of:
no kissing, holding hands, hugging or saying I love you.
being able to pull whoever I want (likely NO ONE)
No sex with anyone (and I told him to not pull anyone either... Or I may have to, yanno, Die?)
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And guess what.
I FUCKING MISS HIM ALREADY!
But I know if I beg him to get back with me, then I'll regret it and want some time again.
But I had this thought...
If we did 'break' for 2 weeks, then maybe we could start our relationship again, slowly, with dates. Coz all we seem to do now is sleep at my house and go to school.
Which is why I'm confused as to whether I love him anymore.
And I scoffed 3 mars bars, about 5 table spoons of potatoe salad (not too fatty though actually) and some houmous with celery. And special K.
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Right. So I've been SO tempted to call him and say 'FUCK IT I LOVE YOU' But I know thats not a good idea.
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Oh and thank you for lovely comments :)
My Therapist made me nearly cry -.-
(I was talking about 'Daddy' issues)
And Peri~ I actually did know about the whole muscle thing, but thanks for confirming that IT IS TRUE :)
And thanks FBallerina, I was going to but didn't and ended up doing running in my P.E. lesson today.
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I have a feeling I'm going to have a late night cry :/
Ah Well.
I'll beg a friend of mine to set me up with some sexy guy (lol, yeah right!)
I love you all
You're lovely.
Apologies for crappy rant btw
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"Yo Mother FUCKERRR I'm Gonna Be Ripped Blud!"

Ahhh... Right I dont know where this blog is going but hey, We'll see aye?

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I had a dance audition yesterday.

About 3 hours of dance.

I can feel it in my thighs.

Kinda my arse too...

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My arms haven't gotten smaller.

I can feel a bit more muscle though...

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My birthday Is about 2 weeks away...

I dont have to time to be turning 16.

Or having a party.

My Gran is going to book an appointment or something at a spa for us in the half term as my birthday present.

Opting for the ditoxifying kelp/seaweed wrap type thing...

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I ache. Alot.

Can barley breathe because of the pain in the back of my ribs.

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I dont know if I've lost anymore weight.

Doubt it.

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I have a audition for the school Christmas show.

I should be learning a song for it, but cba.

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I've just realised this is a very mono-toned list of things.

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I am actually sleeping, its not as broken up, but I'm now waking up at 4 in the morning and falling asleep again.

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I've tried to do 10 starjumps every morning to up my motabollism...

Didn't do it today.

I've only had a bowel of yogurt and a cup of coffee.

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I'm debating the pros and cons of being with Skei.

We've both got doubts that we'll last.

I'm going to find this decision hard.

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Fucks sake.

I may have to take some time?

Gahh :/

Ah, Man Guys!
I'm sorry I haven't posted in like a week?! I've been swamped with Course Work and Exercising with my Gran XD
(Lotsa areobics TV and Stupid questions to answer)
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Right. I was stupid at one point and gained back up to 149. I lost 2 or 3 again, so I'm around 147/146 again. (woop?) And I'm doing well, I do go over my calorie limit but I guess I burn it off and for dinner recently, I've stuck to home made veggie soup (which I dont count as calories coz I'm on the SGD and its a liquid) I've gone off my morning coffee for some reason... but hey, a couple less calories.
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Oh aaaaand I've been feeling FAINT-ISH AGAIN! YEY!
I loooove that feeling, I've missed it soo much!
AND I lost half an inch off my thighs! :o like wow, and my calfs look thinner but they're still 14 inches but hey.
Oh and after the HUGE ammount of exercise I did this week, my arms KILL. So hopefully I'll have sexy skinny arms :3
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I'm going on a school trip in December! I'm going to GERMANY!! :D I've never been to Germany before! :D Its only for 2 days for the Christmas market in Colone (cant spell for shit :3) But should be amazing, I'm hopefully gonna share a room with Anneli, and Manny and Skei will hopefully be able to go so WOOP! Although... Kitty will be going -.- (Thank God the HM wont be going! I dont think...)
So I'll talk about that a bit, and hopefully beable to blog on my phone... Keep you updated. And we only get breakfast on the second day but dont get dinner or lunch either day so I'll be skipping out. I'll take a bag of apples over for my snacks XD
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I had the urge to try and purge (pardon the rhyme) today. Just coz I was in a horrible mood coz my form tutor (lets call him Mr. Nazi...) told me to stop singing. But I went to the bathroom, but people were in there, so I waited a bit until they left, one didn't and turned out someone was crying, so I gave up on that thought and scoffed some chocolates and cereal when I got home. I haven't done any exercise except my P.E lesson and should currently be doing Diploma work -.- fuck that I'll do it later.
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Oh and its reached the time of COLLEGE x.x I'm sooo fucked. I now have no idea where I wont to go :/ I'm just gonna apply to loads and decide out of the ones that accept me. Ahhhh :/
Oh well... I'll go to loads of open days too XD haha just turn up and look at loads of places then decide on one. They all seem good, I guess I'll have to come up with a nickname for the one I finally decide on.. XD Rambling, sorry.
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Over all I've been very busy and you're lucky I've posted today XD
I'm still fat. But I WILL BE FUCKING SKINNY GOD DAMMIT!!!
I'm starting to hate coming up with lists...
some changes you've noticed physically (yes ED related today)
1I have a waist now
2Tiny wrists
3Quite skinny shoulders and arms (still flabby though)
4more abdominem muscle
5my face has thinned out
6when I lay down I can feel my ribs and hips
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oh one last thing, I'm re-reading LoveSick. I'm in need of triggering/thinsperation... whichever :/
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Cheerio (not the food you numpty!)
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