Keep Strong, Hold On, You Can Do This, Just Keep Walking On...

146.4
Its funny how in one way its satisfying seeing that number pop up on the scales. However, its also not satisfying because I've seen similar numbers so many times. I'm happy I can loose 3.6lbs in 2-3 days. But I'm pissed that I have to loose it again.
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I'm living off Black Coffee consisting of 9 calories every serving. I spent the time I had waiting for the kettle to boil to calculate that. One teaspoon of the coffee I use is 1 calorie. One teaspoon of my sweetener is 8 calories. The fact I've cut out milk and have actually come to like the bitterness of black coffee is that I am now roughly cutting out between 10 and 35 calories. Yesterday I got bored again and calculated the 3 coffees and 300ml mug of warm skimmed milk. 101 calories. I'm a good girl. *grin*
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I also fitted in 20 crunches and reverse crunches. Just because I felt bad about not doing much recently. And today I think I'll leave it because the huge amount of dancing about I did in P.E. trying to warm up before the lesson began. Our sports hall is fucking freezing! We seriously shouldn't be allowed to be in there! We then ended up doing Basketball rather than trampolining, thank GOD! I look like a ponce on a trampoline. However, me and Li basically spent the time following our team mates around the court because they are competitive bastards and thought we were slowing them down. We'll have you know that we actually helped out in small ways, like catching it when it bounced off the basket hoop, or when it rolled off. Sure we didn't shoot, but thanks to us, we won. A lot. In the end we just stood in the middle of the court and watched as our team mates kept loosing the ball to the other team. Twats.
I did a lot of walking in general today. I got bored with people easily. Basically, at Lunch I went from the sports hall down to the bottom play ground to talk to Skei for a bit. I spoke to him about getting his ear pierced for his birthday, and told him that he could play football today as I was just gonna go talk to some of the girls. I went to find them, got distracted by Fred, Ted and Dean. Dean was gonna get his lip pierced but didn't coz he didn't have picture ID and then his mum was daft enough to accidentally throw away his money. So they entertained me for a while. I went to the common room, looked about, spoke to someone then left coz there wasn't anyone interesting to talk to. I walked back down to where Skei was, looking about for Hols. She wasn't there so I got Skei to talk to me again but let him join in for random kicks of the ball... then HOLS CAME! So I buggered off and spoke to her, let him play football.
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See? I'm not clingy! I told Skei that I was gonna let him play football the whole of Lunch but I couldn't find anyone interesting enough to hold my attention.
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I've moved a lot, so I'm guessing I'm back to burning somewhere along the lines of 2,000 or more calories. Plus I'm wearing more, thicker, heavier layers because its cold, and a bag of books. And I'm walking everywhere. Woohoo! I never thought I'd say I'm glad I'm back at school. I have to move. Unlike at home where I can lay in bed all day and pig out on shitee.
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Plus, no one offers me food these days (score) dunno why. I guess they think I'll ask (like I used to) if I want any, and seeing as I'm not asking or even acknowledging the foods existence, I must not want any. But my stomachs been grumbling loudly. I need to bring water to school... I forgot today.
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Also, I'm doing my '30 in 30' on my other blog. 'Life of a Crazy Angel' so if you wanna read the letters I'm writing (but not sending!) to people, feel free to go on there and read them. (Lol, I've finally figured out how to link stuff XD Spacko or what?!)
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I dyed my hair purple too. Dark purple. Cant fucking tell. It looks BLACK! ARGH!
Oh well I'll leave it and see how it looks in a few weeks? Then I might dye it a brighter purple. Everyone seems to be dying their hair a bright red again! What the fuuck! I've been there and done that (so have most of this lot..) I'm not going back there until I have experimented with loads of different styles and colours. I think its boring to do the same thing twice unless you have to do it, yanno for like a job or something.
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Well I think I'll be off. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves.
You bunch of skinny bitches ;)
x
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'Shes Skin And Bone, Shes Beautiful No Matter What.' - Too Sorry For Apologies - Breath Again

I Wanna Be A Ninja, Defend Myself, The People I Love And Have An Amazing Body...

I feel so fat.

Okay I had a half fast today. 2 bowels of cereal and that has been it. Tomorrow I am starting the full fast of 4 weeks. From the 3rd of January to the 30th of January. I will fast. If anyone gets suspicious get out your list of excuses!! Or have soup for a few days. Operation 'FAST YOU FAT BITCH' is underway!

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Tomorrow is my last day off school. Fuuuuck. Tomorrow I will be focusing on my English assessment and not eating. I might go for a walk too.

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This year I'm focusing on eating better. When I do eat that is. No more animal products, just to limit my sweets more. Only cold, filtered water. No carb products i.e. rice, pasta, bread. Unless small quantity, natural healthier version. Drink more water, less juice. Rather than lattes and tea, black coffee with one tea spoon of sweetener.

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I also want to focus on actually working out more. If I get bored of the usual bed room work outs then I could always go downstairs and do an hour long combat work out, go for a walk or go with my mum shopping more.

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Reminds me, I need to come up with a food list of things I will always need!

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Also, Non-weight related things I'm aiming on doing.

Finish or at least write half of one of my books I'm writing. Read the 6 books I haven't finished or started. Work harder at school and do exceedingly well. Get a job... I need the money. Go to auditions for acting roles. Submit my work to publishers etc. to try and get my career started. Basically this year is all about getting thin and starting my career.

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I'm going to show everyone that I am talented, that I will succeed this year. I will show everyone I'm much more of a genius than they originally thought. That I am skinnier and more beautiful than I used to be.

Next year I will stand out in the sun light, a cigarette in one hand and a black coffee in the other. Glistening purple hair, glasses that make me appear intelligent, fun, stylish. Simple nail varnish, black, blue, purple, camel. Jumpers that are too big and shorts on top of tights. Boots and heels. My signature make up, dark and out standing. This is what I want to be. This year I will make this person my reality. She wont just be a pretty face, she'll have talent, an early career. She'll be a rich girl due to her own success's not her families. She'll be on stage, forcing the audience to applaud her every scene. Her thoughts will be in books, written from her own mind, making it big and selling out within weeks. She will appear on screen next to big stars and others alike. Her paintings and doodles will be worth thousands thanks to her amazing status. Designers and companies will want her to model their products. She will be thin. The envy of everyone.

That is what I want.

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So there's my aim for this year, to get to that status in the next couple of years, or get closer to my goals.

I apologise about yesterdays post. It was utterly retarded and made no sense. I was distracted and still mildly high when I wrote it. Now I'm off to go write some more Naruto Fanfiction.

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I wanna be a Ninja, Naruto makes it look like so much fun.

And all of them are skinny.

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'She Tries Harder Than The Average Teen, An Over-Achiever With Low Self Esteem, Wants To Walk Like A Star, But She Takes It Too Far.' - Rachel Ferguson - Never Good Enough

Fuck This Fuck That Fuck You FUCK EVERYTHINGG!!

As you might be able to tell, I've had a huuge 'fuck it' day.
Just to remind me of why I want to lose weight and avoid eating.
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(seeing as I'm prone to binging like a mother fucker when given the opportunity and food...)
So basically. I'm bloated. Feel sick, etc.
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But I dont care, because tomorrow I'm starting OPERATION 'FAST UNTIL YOU DIE YOU FAT BITCH'... I might need to come up with a shorter name for that XD but this whole binging day started when I got high last night (naughty girrrrl XD) and apparently, I get serious munchies. And giggle fits. And talk utter bollocks. Tbh, I dont see the huuger deal about getting high... I'd rather get completely wasted coz that has more of an effect on me, and has the same effect when I wake up the next day. And being drunk drives me AWAY from food because of my phobia of being sick whilst drunk.
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I've totally rambled on. What was the point in this again?
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Well, tomorrow until the end of the month I'm fasting. I refuse to eat solid food after today because well I feel foul. I feel like Choji from Naruto. So I am far more determined to lose lose LOSE this year! YEAH THIS IS MY YEAR! :)
126lbs here I come. If I reach that before the end of the year I'm lowering it to 118.
(I'm probably back up to 150/149 but I dont care right now, I'm gonna make up for it!)
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I hope you all had brilliant New Years Eves ;)
Mine was okay... I wish I went to a house party for people MY age.
and not Gaz's place with his family. Doesn't help he was avoiding me and Skei and that I was the only person our age dressed up. Always me the odd one.
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I may smoke s'more weed tomorrow and actually put into place 'NO MUNCHIES' now to train myself for future highness. Thats my main goal of this first month.
Train myself.
Get down to 135-140 lbs.
Exercise everyday.
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I'm sorry this doesn't make much sense... Skei is next to me and we're watching Naruto... so my brain ain't quite working right.
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I lave you :3
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'I CAN SMOKE CIGARETTES' - 3OH!3 - I Can Do Anything