I Think I Need To Grow Up A Little, Before I Get Involved..

School sucks. I suck. Food sucks. Starving sucks. Everything SUCKS!
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I watched 'Black Swan' on Friday with my mum. Awkward turtle. Lesbian action, masturbation, bulimia, OCD, schizophrenia and drug abuse. Not something I'd purposely watch with my mother.
It was brilliant though.
Uber thinspiring. I googled Natalie Portman's diet to get into that sort of shape. I'm going to do that. Edited slightly. But I cant start today. None of the food on my list are in the fridge so I'm starting tomorrow. And I've been using the running machine! YES WE HAVE A RUNNING MACHINE AHH!! Honestly I've found that reading whilst walking at a reasonably fast by steady speed I can do 2 miles in 30-40 minutes. SCOREE!
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Last week was a disaster weight wise. I'd been doing a lot of walking on the treadmill but GAINING. Which I totally didn't understand. Highest I got was nearly 153lbs. I was ready to kill myself. Now I've found I'm in the usual 147/148lbs range which has pleased me. So Starting tomorrow I'm doing the Ballerina Diet, plus weekdays, 1 mile walking and some dancing practice or general dancyness, Weekends 2 miles a day, at least and hour dance and some aerobics. Hopefully by next Monday I'll be ready to pass out.
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I've also sorted the Skei situation once and for all. We talked at break (after my monster talk with Li about this during Maths) and we've decided its not fair on either of us that being together is so hard. We're giving it one more go for year 11 and have decided that some point in Summer, we're going to break up. Grow up a little. Five years approximately. Experiment some more, learn, live. All that milark. And we're going to stay friends over those years, then maybe we'll give us another go depending on where we both are in our lives and what we then want. So fro now, we're together. I'm happy about it. Because to be honest, I'm not sire if I want to break up with him properly now, but I'm not sure either of us are mature enough to handle this relationship yet. So all is good in that area.
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Unfortunately. Ted has cancelled his party. His arsehole mate has forgotten the code to get into the apartment they were gonna use. Cuuuuunt.
Oh well, I'll just use this weekend for something else?
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I bought high waisted shorts the other day. Size 8, fit my arse fine, my stomach is too massivo to do them up though. So there's my motivation.
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There's my life updated. Haha. Like you really care ;)
I''m off to go be bored.
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I'm obsessed with Dave The Laugh from Louise Rennison's books. He's so marvy and lush!
And a Laugh.
It is my mission in life to find him.
The real life version, not the actor in the shite film.
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'weeks since I've seen her eat' - Too Sorry For Apologies - Breathe Again
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Oh before I go. I keep having weird dreams abou Whitt... >.<>

Keep Strong, Hold On, You Can Do This, Just Keep Walking On...

146.4
Its funny how in one way its satisfying seeing that number pop up on the scales. However, its also not satisfying because I've seen similar numbers so many times. I'm happy I can loose 3.6lbs in 2-3 days. But I'm pissed that I have to loose it again.
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I'm living off Black Coffee consisting of 9 calories every serving. I spent the time I had waiting for the kettle to boil to calculate that. One teaspoon of the coffee I use is 1 calorie. One teaspoon of my sweetener is 8 calories. The fact I've cut out milk and have actually come to like the bitterness of black coffee is that I am now roughly cutting out between 10 and 35 calories. Yesterday I got bored again and calculated the 3 coffees and 300ml mug of warm skimmed milk. 101 calories. I'm a good girl. *grin*
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I also fitted in 20 crunches and reverse crunches. Just because I felt bad about not doing much recently. And today I think I'll leave it because the huge amount of dancing about I did in P.E. trying to warm up before the lesson began. Our sports hall is fucking freezing! We seriously shouldn't be allowed to be in there! We then ended up doing Basketball rather than trampolining, thank GOD! I look like a ponce on a trampoline. However, me and Li basically spent the time following our team mates around the court because they are competitive bastards and thought we were slowing them down. We'll have you know that we actually helped out in small ways, like catching it when it bounced off the basket hoop, or when it rolled off. Sure we didn't shoot, but thanks to us, we won. A lot. In the end we just stood in the middle of the court and watched as our team mates kept loosing the ball to the other team. Twats.
I did a lot of walking in general today. I got bored with people easily. Basically, at Lunch I went from the sports hall down to the bottom play ground to talk to Skei for a bit. I spoke to him about getting his ear pierced for his birthday, and told him that he could play football today as I was just gonna go talk to some of the girls. I went to find them, got distracted by Fred, Ted and Dean. Dean was gonna get his lip pierced but didn't coz he didn't have picture ID and then his mum was daft enough to accidentally throw away his money. So they entertained me for a while. I went to the common room, looked about, spoke to someone then left coz there wasn't anyone interesting to talk to. I walked back down to where Skei was, looking about for Hols. She wasn't there so I got Skei to talk to me again but let him join in for random kicks of the ball... then HOLS CAME! So I buggered off and spoke to her, let him play football.
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See? I'm not clingy! I told Skei that I was gonna let him play football the whole of Lunch but I couldn't find anyone interesting enough to hold my attention.
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I've moved a lot, so I'm guessing I'm back to burning somewhere along the lines of 2,000 or more calories. Plus I'm wearing more, thicker, heavier layers because its cold, and a bag of books. And I'm walking everywhere. Woohoo! I never thought I'd say I'm glad I'm back at school. I have to move. Unlike at home where I can lay in bed all day and pig out on shitee.
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Plus, no one offers me food these days (score) dunno why. I guess they think I'll ask (like I used to) if I want any, and seeing as I'm not asking or even acknowledging the foods existence, I must not want any. But my stomachs been grumbling loudly. I need to bring water to school... I forgot today.
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Also, I'm doing my '30 in 30' on my other blog. 'Life of a Crazy Angel' so if you wanna read the letters I'm writing (but not sending!) to people, feel free to go on there and read them. (Lol, I've finally figured out how to link stuff XD Spacko or what?!)
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I dyed my hair purple too. Dark purple. Cant fucking tell. It looks BLACK! ARGH!
Oh well I'll leave it and see how it looks in a few weeks? Then I might dye it a brighter purple. Everyone seems to be dying their hair a bright red again! What the fuuck! I've been there and done that (so have most of this lot..) I'm not going back there until I have experimented with loads of different styles and colours. I think its boring to do the same thing twice unless you have to do it, yanno for like a job or something.
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Well I think I'll be off. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves.
You bunch of skinny bitches ;)
x
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'Shes Skin And Bone, Shes Beautiful No Matter What.' - Too Sorry For Apologies - Breath Again